Life – Kainless

Observation 188

I am happy with my life and all the little details that come with it. It’s turned out positive for the most part. I haven’t been self destructive, my mind is in a good place and I have taken full responsibility for my actions. Not so many people are capable of saying that.

The goals that I have are simple. Pay off my debt and continue to self improve both my mind and my body. Staying focused on what’s important to me has become an exercise in itself. I see two views on how I am supposed to hold myself.

The first is in the wide and far aspect. Am I paying my bills? Is the work I do useful? Am I pushing for a better tomorrow? On all respects of that I can say yes. Anything I have sighed my name on I take full responsibility for. My actions are always professional and my planning is executed to my best ability. Again I don’t know many whom can say that.

The second view is internal. Am I happy? Is what I am doing now finished? Should I push for more and what does that really mean? At this point I can say I am happy. I know what I have control over and I have never strayed from that path. I can dream big but the goal should be something planned and I should trust myself to excited at what resources I have… if that makes any sense.

Use what I have learned and take it step by step. That’s the best I have for now.

Observation 184

For a long time I had 3 Hobbies I would focus on in my free time. The first being Video Games, which to this day I still dabble with. Not nearly as hardcore as I was in that field. The Second was Drawing with Pen and Paper. I haven’t done anything artistic short of some coloring on this digital world in a very very long time “Talking years”. The Third thing was Music.

For a long time I was very keen on Gothic/Experimental/Industrial/Metal/Alternative/Rock. With the Internet being what it became I drifted into some hip hop/rap/pop and a little bit Jazz/opera. Never really could find much Country music I enjoyed short of stuff from Willie and Cash. Yet even to this day as a 36 year old fan of music I still keep my mind open to it and while most of the NEWISH.. stuff I hear in all those genres probably sound like crap to me.. I do pick and find that music every now and again surprises me still.

Sometimes I do run across stuff that interest me “stuff like Faderhead, Anything Created by Mick Gordon, Zed, Studio Killers, LAST Wu Tang Album was awesome, New Slipknot Album seems like it’s going in a good Direction, catching up on some older stuff like Skold, De/vision… This list can go on and on for days “. I would spend hours upon hours listening to just random stuff. For awhile I thought I could make my own music and honestly I enjoyed doing it. It became an outlet.

As with things that come and go in life I find that in my lows Music always brings be back to my Highs. No matter how bad a day I have had I can sit down play some doom and listening to some My Dying Bride and life just sort of resets for me. Yea some of the music I listen to is SUPER Depressing in the points of view of a person who has never really dug into it. Yet for some reason it just clicks that button. Recently I have come to find that I want REALLY BADLY.. to Create again just to see what direction I can go in.

I don’t think I would make anything like I did before. It would probably be more Dark toned but not nearly as angry or as Fast. I am curious and I am sure I will get to it eventually. However getting back on topic I have some stuff in mind about how and why I do what I do. For the most part I know I live a life of a 12 year old boy.

My home is covered in toys and CD’s so that is naturally just what my interest as a grown adult NOW.. is… I often think about the type of Adult I have become. Yes I am responsible, Yes I am great at what I do, but with that all should I be more attracted to the growing Community around me? Should these adult standards of build the world you want to live in be at the front of my mind?

I was born and raised a majority of my life in Brooklyn, NY so I understand that keeping to myself and knowing what to fight for is something I spread myself out with. I know a lost cause when I see it. So falling back on my hobbies and minding my business is really just what I do. I have never been loud about religion or politics or even the hobbies I have. SURE I will walk outside probably dressed like a 8 year old boy with Batman on his shirt but honestly it’s who I am.

I would rather hold a conversation about why batman is batman than why I think Trump is an asshole. Hell I probably know better on why Trump is an asshole from a personal state of mind but it’s all based on the actions of said person. Any person can come into my life dressed as one thing and I wouldn’t have the state of mind to say.. JUDGE ON THAT THING.. No.. it all comes after you open your mouth. Say what you need to say but don’t expect me to not judge. I know I judge and I know it’s my option to be vocal or not.

If you take any of my hobbies and judge me by those that in itself makes for a character in YOU that I don’t see at all interesting or Magnetic.

Observation 182

Had a very good weekend. Celebrated my Elder Nephews 16th Birthday at my parents house. It was nice and everyone got along well, my CJ enjoyed it as best as I think he could. Followed that night with spending a great deal of time with my sister, cousin, his wife, and my aunt. It all worked out really well and YESTERDAY.. I was super tired to the point that I slept a majority of the day.

Today I woke up at like.. between 4 or 5 a.m.. Trying to prepare my body for going back to work tonight. I managed to setup a interesting routine in which I go to work, Come home and play a few rounds of Mortal Kombat 11. I am finding it calms my mind down but I think I am going to start to add gym into this routine now.

I have been using this new app on my new Phone.. called
https://www.myfitnesspal.com/ and I was using it on my old phone but it works better now.. Since.. May.. and I have actually lost a ton of weight. I just wanted to get my diet corrected before I started to focus on the gym which I am going to start to do I think this week. God knows I have been paying for the gym membership for awhile and not going so…yea.. KINDA A WASTE…!!

So that’s my second goal for this year. The writing has slowly gotten better and I am trying to focus more on writing this book I keep saying I AM GOING TO DO.. Which I haven’t.. but we will see.. To many things are distracting me..Work has been picking up which is good..and bad.. Good in that we are making some serious changes in sales that are working well with what we have. Bad in that I have a great deal of pushing to do and perhaps the gym Idea is really going to help me Focus more.

MANNNNN…this was Random.. but yea.. Doing great so far.. happy with the first month of being 36.. Progress!

Observation 181

Fuck I thought I would be at 200 by now but I haven’t been able to focus the way I thought I would. To much happening all to fast but at least now I finally have a second to reflect.

The last couple of weekends I have been able to spend a great deal of time with family. My siblings went to the Coney Island Wu tang show and it was probably the best time I have had in a long long time. I have noticed I don’t show much emotion at those things. I kinda just take in the moments and really it reflects more as observer more than anything. I am not much a dancer and I am horrible at remembering lyrics until I hear the songs beats.

Regardless it was a great time and I think I needed it more than anything I can come to think of this entire year. The following weekend I went back to Coney again with my sister and my two nephews. It was also a great time and I managed to get a good sun burn on my face because of it. It’s already held so I guess it wasn’t so bad…hehe..

Work has doubled as it does every summer and people are out and about more. The heat has just barely started to rise and with it as it always does every summer people get crazy. I am trying very hard the last couple of nights to not scream at people. Right now I am thinking how the hell do I hold my patients with people? How do I not say “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?”… No some how I just do my job.. I smile and I come home and write in this place.

This has become my space for venting and just random thoughts. I can’t even say how many times I have attempted to write a book or books.. but never finish.. But I think I got a good idea this time for a book.. and I might actually do it this time. It keeps me at peace thinking that I might do it. Another year and this time I am 36 years old now. What comes next?

I know at this point all the rules and how the world works. I know what I can push myself to do. I just have to keep pushing and hoping that the best stuff is still to come. It’s not easy but we all continue to try.

Observation 178

Recently I have noticed a true wave of either ignorance or a just lack of common sense from my local Community. I have to wonder if this is just me and my getting older/point of view or if it’s perhaps something in the water? Cause of the rise of temperature I have a feeling that the people will start to behave for lack of a better way of saying ” Goofy”.

Now don’t get me wrong “Goofy” in the context I use it is often a good thing. Yet we aren’t talking about that definition of the word. No we are talking people being overly sensitive about Nonsense, Often Aggressive, and sometime even Violent. From my observations of behavior and well common knowledge once the temperatures rise people start to think a different way.

Now my thoughts on how this works is kinda funny to me. People are dying to go outside during the winter months but because it’s too cold they often don’t. So once the chance comes you would think they would be happy with that burst of energy. However I have come to find that burst of energy often becomes destructive.

I personally think it might be because everyone thinks “OMG IT’S GOOD WEATHER I NEED TO ENJOY THIS RIGHT NOW AND NOTHING CAN GET IN MY WAY” …As if the focus of limited time comes to play. Patience is just a thing of the past I suppose. The thought process becomes GET TO POINT B from point B WITH NOTHING TO STOP ME NOW!

It’s strange like we aren’t going to see another good day for the rest of our lives? A Great and common example of this that I deal with daily is the shopping experience. People wait inline to buy whatever but if it’s not done quickly it becomes a reason for people to just lash out. Like someone is pulling em back perhaps?

It’s a strange state to be in but people have become very impractical about things that to me make ZERO SENSE. Why would you get mad that you have to wait to buy FREAKING ICE CREAM!!!? IT’S ICE CREAM…it’s going one of two places and fast.. Your face or a freezer!

It must be me but I have noticed this is a thing that just keeps coming up and it doesn’t have an age range either. I have seen young and old alike get like this and I don’t understand the reason.

Observation 175

About to go on vacation. After a very long past 4 months of dealing with Holidays, work changes, and so on I need to reboot so that’s what I plan to do today. Clear the files in my brain and come in fresh so I am hoping to do more of this and attempt to get myself into a better space.

With the start of the new year I have some goals in mind. 200 is slowly approaching with this page and I think … going to do a dramatic change on the format of my writing. Might even start a Vlog portion just to free style some thoughts out into the world. Which really is what this writing is.. but I think speaking might help on another level. I have plans!

Over all dealing with the cold has me looking at myself, the way my life is going, and it’s helping me think over what type of person I want to be. I am enjoying myself right now and responsibility is just a given. So I love the spot I am at right now. Going to push some creative ideas here and really try to make something fun come out of all this stuff.

Observation 174

End of the year is almost here! I didn’t make it to 200! I did try!! But my mind simply wasn’t in it this year. Been working hard at work and because of that sleeping has become a thing I seem to be doing. Sundays have been a short time of my week that I can relax. I HAVE started to stream on youtube! Been playing some Tetris Effect, Overwatch, Doom “Of Course!” You can find all that nonsense under the Media tab at the top..or search Kabal610 on Youtube..You can find it!

Most of the streams Feature myself.. My brother “Shawn”.. my cousin ” Chris” my besty “Ian”..and from time to time other co workers and naturally my girlfriend “Megan”.. It’s what I do to relax.. I did buy a Nintendo Switch recently also and it’s fun!! Naturally I have Doom on it and it amazes me how good it runs! Perfect so far.. but I will write more about that on my games page when I get the chance.. Currently I am playing Darksiders 3, Smash Brother Ultimate, and a few other games also.. but that’s in-between time ..

I have come to the conclusion that I need to find more time to relax.. NOT SLEEP… but actually relax my mind from everything going on around me. So naturally I fall back into video games and reading comics which I am forcing myself to do now. I haven’t been hitting the gym much… I SHOULD BE ..AND PLAN TO GET BACK ON THAT.. but with it being December..and cold…and yea….laziness….bad…blah…

I haven’t spoken much about my personal life on here in awhile which is kinda funny cause this is all supposed to be an OBSERVATIONAL blog/thing… Life has been for the most part a steady line. Not great..not bad.. but steady.. I got most of my Christmas shopping done..and for the most part have been in a decent head space I guess.. This really isn’t much of a post at this point …just trying to filter out …where I am?

Observation 173

Politics is very much like Religion to me. You don’t talk about it much because everyone has an opinion on any given situation. So naturally I don’t talk much about it. I had a site that I was posting on with my views on it and I stopped because I felt like I was repeating myself and honestly I just didn’t know what to say any more about it.

https://politicsalexander.wordpress.com/

I think the last post on that site was like 3 years ago or something close to that. Regardless I don’t like to post stuff on facebook about it or really anything like that. What I do like to do is examine a situation what it is and come up with information as fact as I SEE it. If I see and can prove without a shadow of a doubt that something happened the way it did I will from time to time comment on it or write about it. My views are simply my own and I like to think about things as I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE.

So with that being said I have somethings I want to say about a particular topic that really puts to fact most of the 173 post I have on here about my observations. Some notes and comments as it is to think about.

………………

For 172 Observations I have been saying that I think people are getting dumber. That I think we don’t educate ourselves enough. We follow like sheep very easily into information we NEVER fact check. Some of us don’t know how to fact check at all. Some of us simply don’t know how to tell the difference between an OPINION and a Fact. That to sum it up the SOURCE of all our problems is EDUCATION.

We live in a time Full of resources and information. It’s a beautiful thing to have the ability to google. In less then minutes a person can come up with valid facts and proof to make a statement FAST. I loveeeee the internet for that. I love the melting pot of it all as well because it’s forums are a place of pure beauty. You have two sides to the coin and you have lots of shades of gray with it.

When it comes to politics I believe a person shouldn’t be red or blue but gray. I LOVE the concepts of a Republican, I Love the ideas of Democrats. I agree with the arguments because until ACTUAL FACT can be displays we should have an open discussion on what would be the better way. Keywords being BETTER WAY.

If this country is indication of anything it is that we breed smart people and it can vary on many topics.To say that ONE person is the end all be all on anything is not only showing a lack of knowledge but it shows such a limited way of thinking. It’s saying I am better at everything and no one can disprove that ever which is ignorance.

Politics is not and never has been about ONE person. It has always been about the thinking of many people in a system of balanced checks and orders. Our entire way of living is built into a system that supports many opinions….so getting to my point.

I hear people saying that man is the only person qualified to do something I think to myself what world do we live in that ONE person becomes superman? That one person is without question the only person qualified to do something MANY PEOPLE are educated and qualified to do. It’s a job and it’s about doing it the correct way and not about opinion.

To say only one person can do something is stupid. Any job can be taught and understood by any number of people. NO ONE is the be all end all of anything. While yes we have a range of understanding that goes low to high. We all understand that no one is perfect for something. Mistakes will be made and that is just how it is. People make mistakes WE MOVE ON.

Now my biggest problem is not with anyone specific or any party for that matter. If the republicans believe something is RIGHT.. I hope to the gods that They know something I don’t and THEY ARE RIGHT. I can say the same for the democrats. However if you can prove that something isn’t working and you still believe that it is. Clearly being delusional isn’t a good thing. IT WILL LEAD TO PROBLEMS.

No one wants to say I TOLD YOU SO. We get great satisfaction FROM saying it because we know that the path ahead is the correct one and it’s PROVEN. If you have ever had an argument with someone close to you this is something that comes up. I say something is wrong.. you say I am wrong.. we find out I am Right.. and we move on because it’s PROVEN.

It’s fear and lack of knowledge that make people hostel. It’s fear that brings sadness because we are smart and some are dumb to FACTS. I fear a world that says ONE person can only do something that many people are educated to do.

Observation 171

I have never done drugs, Drank a bit but I have always had a clarity on my reality that I think has been pretty straight forward. I have a great imagination for someone my age I like to believe. Routine comes to mind while planning how I do everything that I do. I feel like I am in a good place yet I look at what is going on in the world with my “adult” eyes and I have lots questions.

If you know that explaining a given situation in detail is important to the statement of calling something a fact. How do you manage to mess that up? Take for example the description of any given transaction at a convenience store. You have a Customer, a Cashier, the product, and the price. Basic information to follow. The customer chooses the product brings it to the cashier and pays the price. Those are FACTS. Nothing in that is opinion because it all can be proven by way of description.

Now if you go into more detail on that same situation it can become complicated. How did the person walk into the store? Walked, Ran, Skipped, or Jumped? What did the person choose for the product? etc etc.. Details and descriptions of things I feel are the source of our biggest problems currently. I thought for a long time it was Education but I think it’s more so the details in the Education that have become a bigger problem.

Everyone knows what a color wheel is. It describes the basic relationships between colors. Anyone can make it complicated by describing the tones, shades, and textures of a color. That isn’t hard to do at all. I feel like people have made this sort of thing just as complicated as that only they relate it to everything that is done now. I can tell anyone a story and chances are by the time the 10th person tells that same story it’s been changed in some major or minor way.

Details are important but I think the one thing that is constantly bothering me is how people detail things. I’ll have to write and think about this more in the future.

Observation 170

170 post about my observations on the world and people still act like I didn’t see all this coming. I have repeatedly said over and over again that our education needs to be improved. We need to focus more on teaching our children yet here we are in the state we are. People become very keen on looking for answers without questioning any truth to the solution.

I don’t think it’s sad that Facebook and false information managed to get people to believe in lies. I think it’s sad that we managed to get ourselves into this situation and got suckered. No one stopped and said is that true? The few that did say it just kept falling down rabbit holes of information that was not only made up but became so ridiculous to believe that common sense went out the window.

Hell years ago I came up with the idea on wanting to write a book on the topic. Now so many people have written books on it that I don’t think it would even get noticed now. I think that a book on how to actually solve the issues presented would probably work but how do you get common sense to be common again? Further more how do you prove a fact?

It’s the job of lawyers to come up with undeniable proof on facts. I am not a lawyer but I can see how difficult that has become on even simple topics. You say something is red and people get very itchy to say WHAT TYPE OF RED? Rose Red, Blood Red, and so on. Is the earth Round? WHO SAID THAT? It just goes on and on and on.

If the internet is indication of anything it is that opinion and Fact are based on a variety of view points. Just become you saw something doesn’t exactly mean everyone seen in that way.