Observation 189

Let’s flip the coin for a moment from my last post 188. Yes my life is good but how about the why? I have come to understand that growing up a person needs to accept a particular level of bullshit. Understanding that part is what I feel leads to the path of finding happiness. So what does that mean exactly… in detail?

In my life I have come to terms with many of the underline things I do. I work a job that isn’t a career but somehow I have put enough effort into it that it’s become my career. I work at night which means I need to accept the following..

Most people who I deal with are Depressed, Alcoholics, Drug abusers, strange and Lost. I have learned the art of Presentation and Representation. What the hell does that mean? Presentation works in the element of the moment. You present yourself as the type of person who listens and agrees while not really saying a single word to anything the person is actually saying. Most people just want to talk and want to see that you are listening. Nod a bit.. say.. yea.. and let the person talk and talk..and talk.. and talk..

Most of the time people think they have some Knowledge that NO BODY has ever heard. Like the world REVOLVES AROUND THAT PERSON AND THAT MOMENT!.. People look down on you if you work a job that doesn’t make as much as them OR if you are younger. I have just come to terms with most of this stuff because I have had to deal with it so much.

Observation 188

I am happy with my life and all the little details that come with it. It’s turned out positive for the most part. I haven’t been self destructive, my mind is in a good place and I have taken full responsibility for my actions. Not so many people are capable of saying that.

The goals that I have are simple. Pay off my debt and continue to self improve both my mind and my body. Staying focused on what’s important to me has become an exercise in itself. I see two views on how I am supposed to hold myself.

The first is in the wide and far aspect. Am I paying my bills? Is the work I do useful? Am I pushing for a better tomorrow? On all respects of that I can say yes. Anything I have sighed my name on I take full responsibility for. My actions are always professional and my planning is executed to my best ability. Again I don’t know many whom can say that.

The second view is internal. Am I happy? Is what I am doing now finished? Should I push for more and what does that really mean? At this point I can say I am happy. I know what I have control over and I have never strayed from that path. I can dream big but the goal should be something planned and I should trust myself to excited at what resources I have… if that makes any sense.

Use what I have learned and take it step by step. That’s the best I have for now.