Observation 206

I wake up and the first thing I always think “Every time”.. is what time is it? I take note of the time I went to sleep and the time I wake up. On average I can say I sleep 4 hours here and 4 hour there. Very rarely my body says Nope time to get more sleep. Maybe at best once every three months I will sleep for a straight 13 hours.

I took the last week off of work so I could go see my brother. Unfortunately those plans got cancelled and I was forced to stay home the entire time. I recognized a few things, Caught up with some tasks I wanted to catch up with here. Did a great deal more sleeping than I thought I was going too. Overall just relaxed and gave myself time to think about what I was doing with my life.

I can say with 100% certainty that I am a happy guy. My goals and my accomplishments are all tasks I feel like I can accomplish. I don’t have an ego about it I just have clear understanding that some stuff is in my control and some isn’t. While I would like to have more control over everything I know that no matter how much money I make or what Job I am doing somethings just aren’t going to go my way. THAT IS FATE…

Being discouraged was never a thing I thought much about. Everything in life has a point of view. Some people are going to look at me and see a guy who should want more or should be driving to do bigger things. Fact is I never really saw the point of pushing against what I can’t control. What exactly does that mean?

I know what it is to be sick. I have been sick in the past and I try really hard not to be sick in the future. I follow the steps and the rules as I understand them. I understand will power and the drive to get past the most uneven, unfair, and unjustified situations. It takes a serious mind to get those accomplishments done. I know the questions that will follow.. The why?

Why am I sick? Why does this hurt? Why me? What do I need to do to get out of this? It’s very much like playing chess. You need to understand the rules and put yourself into the best position possible as you see the opportunities open up. Now keep in mind you make those Opportunities by choosing to do what you do. However knowing each thought out position is important.

Getting back to how I started this.. Time comes a role piece in just starting the day because it’s a understanding point of what was done and what needs to be done between the now and the later. If you put yourself into the position to be around people at this point a number of things should be clear.

People are always going to be scared of what isn’t known to them. Some will be braver than others. Some don’t have control because the rules are made and nothing is going to change that. If you follow the rules and push to be elevated by those constructs you can accomplish anything. Thinking outside the box is important but knowing what the box is made of will get you out of it.

I have a very good sense of my future and I understand all to well my past. I fight hard to get everything I have. Emotionally and Physically everything gets tiring and you need to learn to rest. It is not weak to say you need more time or to say this is good enough for now I will figure out more later.

Observation 205

So far 2020 has been a lesson on my fears. Perhaps things have been far to good for my liking and this is just a touch of reality that was needed for me. I build a routine on my life and how things are supposed to go.

Wake up, work, do stuff, sleep and repeat

Yet what I have come to understand recently is that fear comes in two different categories. Fearing something cause you have a bases for it and fear something because you don’t know what will happen. The first one started this year with me.

I Started the year with the fear of my health. Having to go to the doctors for blood work. Now this doesn’t sound like anything serious at all but the lesson came regardless. The last two times I gave blood I almost passed out and fainted. For anyone who has ever done that or experienced it they can tell you IT SUCKS!!.. Also this is something new that my body does because either I was dehydrated the last two times I went or cause I hadn’t eaten and gotten enough sleep.

So this last time I learned from the fear.. SLEEP!! EAT!! DRINK LOTS OF WATER BEFORE GIVING BLAH… DUH!

That felt more like a internal thing and honestly looking back on it now much of that had to do with my health. This also brings us to the current state of fear I have. Which funny enough has to do my health also. However this has more to do with outside influence and less to do with experience.

Now at this point i’m not going to say the word everyone is talking about right because frankly i’m sick of hearing about it. However I will say it could potentially affect my lungs which has been in the past a problem I was born with. If I think about it now I am 100% sure I will have to face that problem again in the future maybe some 50 or 40 years down the line but still.. DOWN THE LINE…

I would rather not think about it right now. Yet it does hover around me the idea that somethings a person simply can’t change. Mortality isn’t something I really thought about at all during the ages of 1-27. Something changed after I turned 27 and it hit me pretty hard with a reality that things HAD TO CHANGE.

Eating habits, Looking after my activities, Routines and so on all became things I had to actually become self aware of. Which is kinda strange because before that it was eating Reeses cups and riding a bike to see my friends in Brooklyn.

Now it’s Leafy Greens, Yogurts, Fruits, Meats “In moderation” and MAYBE a Reeses cup once a month if I am feeling OH SO RISKY!!… It’s kinda odd how things happen but I guess that’s just life. The good, the bad and the between you are supposed to fall into.

I also must say I find it very interesting how during everything I have just now started to notice how Social Media has actually taken a part of my life. Don’t get me wrong I love twitter, Facbook “it helps connect my family”, and so on but yea.. Very strange that I never really even noticed how it happened. Normally I just observe things I enjoy.. Comics, Music, Video Games, NAKED LADIES AND SO ON!!! So yea the idea that while following all that I have some how become so aware of the world outside my door has me at a interesting pass I guess…

Perhaps a future Topic… Moderation needs to come to play with that also..