Observations 155 – 001 (Old Stuff)


Observation 155
Sitting in an airport at 1:30 am can become one of the most tedious things in the world to do. Everything is closed and everyone around you is just sitting around waiting for the go sigh to come up.

It’s clean at night.. cause everyone who comes into clean does so at this hour. Not much more I can say about that.. short of .. longest time of my life.. THANK GOD I GOT A GOOD LAPTOP!! WOOT! It also helps that the airport does have electrical plugs to keep everything charged.

Currently I am down to about ..give or take.. 3 hours till the flight goes. I am very excited to be going to see my brother. I never have a bad time with him and really I needed the time off work. It was starting to kill me.

Observation 154
I started my new work hours and it has shifted my thoughts on a few things. First I don’t believe we are getting smarter. I do believe SOME OF us are but without question not all of us. Smart people are a rare breed and it takes so much work to just manage everyone around us.

I say us cause I know I am smart. What makes me have such an ego? Well for one I know how to be happy. Why is that important? On an average day anyone can have a good number of moments that can for lack of a better way of saying it “Bring you down”. You make mistakes, or someone around you does and it affects you. I have learned how to say that has happened and now I have to deal with it.

How again does that make me happy? Cause I won’t let it bend me in a negative way. For example if someone was to tell me I did something wrong. I don’t ask the question of why I did it wrong but How? By asking how I learned what was the proper way of doing “whatever” and I correct the mistake. I don’t waste time thinking about how wrong it was I simply think it’s done time to move the fu@# on.

Far to many people I see around me dwell on what has happened. It’s a really negative way of thinking and really nothing gets accomplished by doing that. Be smart! Learn..MOVE ON..

What also makes me think I am smart is that I become very detailed about every situation I am involved in. I question things I don’t know and the actions that lend to what needs to be done. Again what does that mean? If I look at a situation and I ask myself how did I get to this place I find that going over the steps does no harm short of figuring out how my actions can be improved or taken to a faster action later. It’s less time consuming if you do something correct and as quickly as possible.

Why is doing anything fast considered smart? Well cause you don’t waste what little time you have to begin with. For example in school a person will take a timed exam. Let’s say it’s finished in half the time given.. does that really make the person smarter? Perhaps but what should really be the focus is notion that the time was given to you and you didn’t use it all to be more detailed. Details I feel are keep to making everything work.
Observation 153
Today I am 34 years old and I am excited to think about a future that will be. I have come very far from my 24 and 14 year old self. I have done well in the job that I took and even managed to be in the exact place I wanted to be at “at the age 17”.

I wanted to fall in love and I managed to do that. I wanted to be self contained “meaning I could pay my bills and keep things good without worry”. I have my family to back me up from now till forever. Really if I think about it everything I want can be worked towards.

Life is funny in that manor because most people I notice don’t understand that part. Most people try to be lazy or claim thoughtlessness. I say claim because in my mind that type of logic doesn’t exist. I can’t believe that people can be that dumb yet … after the last year I am starting to question maybe I am just that smart.

Let me get geeky on this for a moment. Batman in the comics always solves the problems presented to him because he is the worlds “His worlds” greatest detective. “Hence Detective Comics DC” Every problem he manages to see the way out of it. However.. I always thought about what if he really isn’t that smart? What if he just lives in a world that is so dumb that it makes him look smart?

I think about maybe that being a possibility for right now. What if I live in a world that is so confused and lost that I am just presented as being so smart? I guess we will see what happens the next couple of years.

Today is going to be a great day.. going to enjoy it and be happy that the past is done!
Observation 152
I often think about the person I am and who I am trying to be. The older I get the more I come to terms with what is happening around me. School was 13 years ago. I have invested 10 years “in July” to the work place I am at now. I have done some traveling and feel I understand enough of what the world around me expects of me.

I do feel I am smarter than most people give me credit for. I also know that I should be reaching for more but if it ended right now I would be happy with what I have done. I have no real regrets as far as the decisions I have made. I know I am a good person with flaws “Everyone has em”.

I have known for a long time now that everything does change and that I am in full control over how it will and will not affect me. You can’t control the change of things but you can control the affect it will have on you.  I know that part of my personality is without bounds to question everything to much. I question my job, my relationships, my family, my hobbies, and myself above all. That is simply my nature.

I admire the people who don’t do it. Some can actually give a shit about that sort of stuff but for me it is very important. I do put myself high up because I feel that some of the things I think are obvious and yet no one sees it. I chalk it down most of the time to perhaps just intelligence. Maybe I think it’s obvious but it might be something that is very difficult or so simple to say that no one does?

That sort of thinking will drive a person crazy. Regardless getting back on track I believe that what I have accomplished so far is good and what I want to accomplish I will get to in due time .. or I won’t..

Time isn’t something a person can control so really I will stay the curse and continue to do what I can to make the improvements I can with .. whatever..
Observation 151

I feel like I am becoming more of an adult with all this lack of writing of comics and video games….No worries!! I do have stuff coming soon on here..just haven’t had a moment to write about comics or even FINISH A GOD DAMNED GAME!!

BLAH…being an adult sucks but.. I take to it on my own I suppose..as do all adults.

Anyway things here are working out pretty well. In exactly one month to this post I will be 34 years old (JUNE 10TH). Not exactly a big birthday but big to me considering I was born the child of 5% chance. Thinking back on that will come soon I am sure. I am sure on the day if not around or before it I will post about my thoughts being here on earth for 34 years. Yet lets not get premature with that thought. …just yet..

So what is on my mind today? Truth..mostly thinking about how odd the weather has been. It’s up…down….up again…down again.. blah.. Clearly if you haven’t noticed this is a very free thought post.. we are going all over my mind! IN AND OUT MEH EARS!! BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BABIES!

I just got off a short four night leave from work. I had two nights.. off and took two nights vacation because I needed to get my mind straight. The next couple of weeks are going to be extremely busy. After this week Summer starts it’s runs. We start to pick up momentum and it pushes everyone.

After so many years I have learned how to adapt to the push and just take everything as it comes. I have learned the paces and for the most part done what I could to make it all work.

I guess we will see! 😉

Observation 150

I have always found creative thought comes from Chaos. For anyone who actually knows me, knows that I am a very organized person. I try to keep everything into a routine that accepts change and knows that the reality of life is that somethings you will not be capable of controlling.

Can’t control the weather, can’t control the moods of others, and you can’t control how anyone is going to view you. What do you really have to control in life?  Well in terms of habits and organization I find I have the most ideal mind for that. It’s a struggle to say the least and some things can come easy but mostly it isn’t an easy thing to do.

For example I have in my home a draw for shirts and another for socks. If things got mixed up I would never be able to find anything. I try to do it with everything in my life. Food goes in it’s own place as does my collection of comic books, video games, etc..

Now one of the things that is never explained in any relationship novel, book, or story is that people have different habits and in living with someone else you are either going to work with it or work around it. I grew up with my brother and sister being older so I knew from the start that my habits would be completely different from anyone around me.

I could always find what I was looking for because I knew it had a place. The same can be said for how things at work or even with friendships went. It was always fun to organize a plan of action. Yea of course times would pop up that I had to just jump into action and deal with something. Yet I found that most things you can set up.

Perhaps it’s also because I over think everything. Yet I have found that it always works out in the end regardless. I think it also has much to do with my idea on faith. I put faith into the good in most people. I also believe very strongly in FATE. What happens ..happens and thinking about what COULD have happened is a sure way to drive a person crazy.

For a time I did think about what could have been. It never felt good! Yet I found that thinking about WHAT CAN  be is probably the more important thing to do. I find hope in that and a really good emotional place comes to mind reflecting forward. Saying if I do this… This might be a possibility.

It’s workout so far…

Observation 149

I am a writer and this has been a truth since as far back as I can think. Funny part is I never really became a “Public” writer till about .. give or take 10 years ago. I have always had things to say just never really knew how to put it.

With this medium I talk to everyone who will read. Strangers, friends, and family. It’s a interesting space to observe and note. I often think about what my position is in life on pretty much everything. Topics come up and situations change so I normally have a great deal to say.

Recently I hit this stupid writers block that really comes with…well…duh…writing…

I am just now finding ways to get past it so I think this site should pick up again soon. Which brings me to this interesting spot right now that has me thinking about space. Not so much .. Space as in outerspace.. but space as in the place I am at. What I am doing and why? This has been a continued observation since post 1. .. I think something new is to be said about it.. Just need time to write..

Observation 148

One of the biggest questions going around both personally and politically right now is the question of “What is a Leader?”. By definition Leader is a commander and someone who leads a group. I personally think a big underline is being missed in this definition.

Leadership or a Leader is supposed to be willing to do the job first AND use that direction to lead. Good leaders have insight into the work that is being done. Every part of the field should be reviewed and refined, while saying that I believe also that is a big part of what is missing currently with “Most” leaders.

Places can have good policies but if those policies aren’t implemented correctly it’s for nothing. Now I take a great deal of what I see in this field personally. Yes I work by myself for the most part but that isn’t to say I don’t have help. The help that I have knows what work needs to be done without me saying it. Really it’s very much like having a great partner.

It comes without question to see the flaws and fix the problems at hand. I know walking into my job what should be done right and what was done in a rush. I also get that the one constant with the work I do is that it will be up to the people of this town on what can get accomplished or not.

Some nights “and some that are coming” will be step by step times. Meaning I will have 10 people asking me for something and I need to have the focus to adapt to that situation in that 1 has to be done ..next…finish…next… till it all gets accomplished in a row and IN AN ORDER.

Order I have come to learn is the only way anything gets accomplished. Even with the leadership idea if it’s not done in a order it will not be done CORRECTLY..and by not doing something correctly more often than not you have to do it again. WHICH IS SUCH A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

It takes experience to do things the correct way and people have the horrible habit of believing just training is enough which is funny to me because I see that fall short all the time. LET us take education as a stepping stone. A person can be educated in every way to do ANYTHING but until it’s brought to be done with the experience chances are the person will get it wrong. This is why experience is also a measurement of the amount of time something is being done.

Perhaps I am over thinking it but with what I am seeing around me even in the grand scheme of things I notice that the leaders lack the experience. Not to be direct about a topic here but looking at our leadership as a country you have people saying no one could have known this was going to happen. Yet if you had any experience with what was going on you could have been told it was going to happen.

So let me say that here at 148 I had an idea this was all going to happen. I wouldn’t have observed anything or written anything if I didn’t have an idea that this was going to happen. I repeated myself so many times that we are headed into a spot that needed more attention to this field or that field to NOT know it was going to happen.

Observation 147

So at the beginning of the month I sent my laptop back to Dell for repairs. It took a bit longer than expected to get it back because parts had to be back ordered. I only managed to receive my computer back… Yesterday 02/17/2017.

Right now I am drinking some wine and relaxing. I do believe that I am going to re-define some of my writing on here. I have some new ideas on how to write about comics, and video games. I think it’s going to be more about what I am enjoying rather than small descriptions.  I should start to post more soon.

Recently work has died down but not my hours. Which is both good and bad. Good in that I manage to achieve more at night but because of the hours and my days being split I find my mind and body are just far tooooooooooooooo tired..

It’s a struggle to manage anything but I am doing what I can..and hopefully once everything is settled.. I will have more to say.

Observation 146

In life we have costs for pretty much everything we do. Experience has always been one of the things that many people take for granted. I personally took advantage at one point of my life of a unforgiving amount of credit. The thing about credit that I had to learn the hard way was that it always comes at a cost of Interest!

Now at the time I thought it wouldn’t be a problem but I also had to learn the hard way that somethings aren’t in my control. So..ok…lets step back for a second…  This is going to be a story…

Something close to almost 10 years ago now I made a decision to do some adventuring.  Having the option to go to school I quit my job here in Greenwood Lake and thought I was going to leave to go to school. School didn’t work out for technical reasons “I never went”.. and I managed to find myself another job in Manhattan. It was a great job and it paid extremely well for what it was. Probably TOOOOOOOOOOOO well to the point that they had to replace me with two other guys “WHOM I TRAINED” and thus I was dismissed and without a job.

Skip forward about.. I want to say..2 months.. at the most and I was put into a position to leave New York and move to the Midwest state of Wisconsin. Thinking perhaps it would be a better place for me to advance myself and maybe build a relationship. The Economy went to shit “for lack of a better term”. Work became almost impossible to find… I managed to find “with some help” a few places to work “some very good experiences I will probably write about at some point” but over all it was costing me more to do what I was during the time and was forced about a year and half later to come back to New York.

I was depressed, sad, and felt like a failure. Lost so many things from the experience BUT over all I did gain the Experience of the adventure. Seen things and managed to go to places even after all of it that I never thought I would get to do. Over all if I could do it again I would probably not have changed much from it. It was a good experience and it gave me the direction to really push myself into a fundamental state of saying “YOU ALEXANDER can be a responsible adult and you can have anything you want IF YOU TRY”.

Of course it had it’s ruff ends and I made mistakes but it was never anything I couldn’t pick myself up from. Never anything that didn’t in the end make me stronger in both personality and Mentality. I grew as an adult because of the experience and I took the responsibility like an adult and said ok this is my position I can fix it.

Skip some years later “today” I have finally cleared up my debt from that experience. I am finally in a decent position with a job that is progressing enough for me right now to be content with it. I have my independence, responsibility, and I understand that in a very clear way that I am more capable now than I ever thought I could be to do ANYTHING.

I am also in a much more positive position in my life now than I ever have been. Looking back I am a completely different person now from whom I was and over I would say I am better for it.  Having my own place, paying my rent, debt, and being responsible has done nothing but good for me and I run into the next chapter of my life now with hope. Lots of hope for great things to come.. Just a matter of time and willingness at this point…

Observation 145

It’s been awhile since I wrote anything. My mind has been in sort of a box to say the least. Trying to make a list of things to accomplish in the coming year and trying to sort out what I have done this year. Just looking at this web page alone I can say that Video Games haven’t been a focus at all this year. Reason? I haven’t finished anything to write about. I have started lots of games but never found the time to finish any. I will likely have a couple finished this month I hope. Perhaps some more in the coming year!

I also have a ton of comic books to catch up which I am hoping in the next couple of days to do. Decembers Bunch I will likely write either today or tomorrow.. that part is fun! I am glad I have been keeping up with that!

Clearly these Observations have been something I have done and kept with for… years…now..goodness..I will continue and likely this will be the year I reach 200! WOW! I can already tell that my writing has slowly gotten better from the point I started and really that was the goal for it.

It’s been cold, and winter is just around the corner!


It’s a good time to get back into writing, work on the gym “perhaps a bit more..than I have”. Be more productive with some goals in mind. The Debt situation will finally be over after a 8 year battle with credit cards and I will be happy once it’s done cause my credit at this point is AMAZING. I will finally have money this year to do a great many things I WANTED to do for awhile. Some big steps .. some small steps.. we will see.. as time and progression goes on!

At this point however I am dwelling a great deal on what my current state of mind is. In the past week my boss of the past 7 years was released from his job and I positioned myself into learning to be the assistant manager at Night. Which has worked much faster than I expected it. Most of the paper work stuff is much like the regular crap I do at night and very routine. Rinse repeat..complete.. easy stuff..So that part is good!

I have the next two nights off and I plan to relax..try to catch up on some reading.. and ya know.. RELAX…most of my holiday shopping is done so .. yea…Good time for that!

Observation 143

The year is almost over and as always I am finding myself in a place of reflection. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my family has the tradition of going around the table saying what we are grateful for. From my own prospective I can say I am grateful for so many things. Not to much has changed for me “PERSONALLY” short of keeping my job, still loving and living with my girlfriend, dog and cat. Having everything I could want “so far”.

Yet I think about the emotional journey this year has been and really this is the first year I have really focused on my aging. This is the first year I can say I feel like I am in my 30’s now. I KNOW FOR SURE I AM NOT IN MY 20’S..AND NOT EVEN CLOSE TO MY TEENS…


That picture in particular makes me think about a couple of things “Yes that is me in the black”. To me that is a kid I look back on and KNOW he had so much to learn. So much was coming for him that no matter how much I explained it to him he just wouldn’t get. Like if I had a time machine and went back to talk to him I don’t think I could tell him anything to prepare him for what he was going to do.

That was just before High School.. which was not so bad towards the end but really iffy towards the beginning and middle part. I would go thru physical, mental, and observational changes that would make me into the person I am today that really I can say over all.. I am proud of. Is it a million dollar life…no..but do I have everything I could possibly want at this point.. Yes “for the most part” and I don’t think many people can say that.


That is me now.. Age 33 and to be honest with myself I haven’t changed the way I think much at all. I have continued to be open minded about everything around me. Yet with age I understand now that everything has a price. Nothing comes for free and that at this point in my life I still have SO MUCH TO LEARN. So much more I want to do! I also have a very real understanding that everything does change over time. You CAN NOT STAY in the same place forever. I miss MY BROOKLYN… not what it is today. I miss some of the parts of High School I didn’t know I was going to learn from and move on with. Hell I could probably write a entire book on the way things have changed.

I know look forward to the future but I don’t dare ever say I want the past. Missing something is not the same as wanting it back it’s simply saying.. wow that was great.. and I wouldn’t trade it for anything more.

Observation 142

I am not upset or sad about last nights event. Nor do I believe the next four years are going to be anything worse than the last 33 years of my life. I have always contained my point of view of politics and religion as something personal.

If these observations are anything at all to me they are proof that I watch and keep caution at all times about my surroundings. Proof that I have witnessed a rise in ideas that don’t get enough credit for the concepts underlined. I have been saying it for years that Common Sense just isn’t common and I had hoped for awhile that people would get it.

I am 100% sure now that I am smarter than I ever gave myself credit for. I am 100% sure that my views are correct and I can’t walk away from being a writer now. I didn’t believe at the start of writing that anyone would read this stuff and I still don’t but I put all this outside and I always did it for myself above all.

More is coming and I look forward to my own future because I have always remained prepared for anything. I will continue to look at the future as it always has been.. unknown.. and with that care about what I have in life. Perhaps even look into the potential that is closest to me in the people I know.

After all someone once said. The Future is not set…

Observation 141/Note to self

I know I haven’t written much recently and that is mostly cause I haven’t been feeling so great but that isn’t what I am going to write about today. I want to take a step back “maybe a few steps” and make note of something here. Perhaps even explain a small “Personal” history lesson as to why. Why did I start writing? What did I do?

Since forever ago I have been a creative person. Everyone I know tells me “You have a unique way of looking at things Alex”. So from like the age of 7 I got into art. I wrote a small amount between the age of 10 and 14.. my brother and one of his friends laughed at my writing and I never picked it up again until about seven years ago. Between that I did some crap with music “which personally I feel I was good at and enjoyed..still very proud of all that”. So I got back into writing at like 27 years old.

However before I started any of this I wanted to research what makes a good writer? So I read books written by artist, and I got into Comic books. I started reading Heavy Metal Magazine, and so on and so forth.. I opened my mind to experienced writers.. “Watched a great deal of Youtube Videos”.  I kept HEARING THE SAME THINGS.. OVER AND OVER.. and what was that? If you want to be a writer.. WRITE.. Write about what you can..what you do.. what you enjoy..just write as much as possible and something will come of it. Sometimes it will be bad..sometimes it will be good..some times it will be ANYTHING!

So I started writing on a different website.. Realized I needed to work on organization, order and how to construct my thoughts “still working on that last one”. I wrote online, wrote in countless hand written note books. I learned how to just take thought and SPAWN IT ALL OUT…

So here we are now almost.. 10 years later..I love what I have built HERE on.. Kainless.com.. I love the format and so on..it’s worked for what I wanted it to be at this point. Am I going to write a book? Yes.. at some point I will lock myself away from the world and do it. Have things changed in terms of writing? Yes..

I haven’t written about Video Games in awhile because I haven’t finished anything in awhile. I continue to write about comics because I still read em..and enjoy that! I still write about random crap that pisses me off because ..well.. that’s life! You have moments that you just NEED TO SCREAM!

I am doing what I can with this site as best I can for MYSELF. I enjoy doing this… I will continue to do it and hope for the best!

Observation 140

We are creatures of habit. Go to work 9-5 and we try to make progress in places we can. For some of us I notice it’s a question of what can I change currently? What can be done without complications?

I don’t doubt our motivations so much as I question our values. Our faith in others becomes an objective. Really how many men want to just sleep,eat,work,get laid and repeat. Of course we look at the greater picture but how many of us ever put that ahead of our selfish reasons?

Do yourself the favor and don’t improve on anything.  Stay numb and dumb cause while I observe it all. That will Aline continue my writing.

Observation 139

Do I remember what it was like to be young? To feel overwhelmed my uncontrollable emotions. To truly feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. To feel like no one on this earth could understand me at all? Unreasonable, Incomprehensible, and dialogical to all thought?

Part of me does remember it and part of me understands “NOW” that it wasn’t that I stopped feeling that way. It was that I bought Logic and sense to it. It is that as I get older I come to learn that so much becomes in my control and so much out of it.

I think now about my sisters children “my nephews”. Both about to enter a stage in life that becomes unreasonable.  What the world around me seems to have become and how different it is now. I say different because I didn’t have to be raised in a world of constant News, constant speed, a much smaller world.

Look at the world now as to what it was before. The world is much smaller now because of eyes we now have to see it in. We can see all parts of the world in seconds. Billions of people working and we can compare 1 to all of that. I don’t know how anyone stays motivated with this ability. Yet I see the reason to keep to our goals and to aim higher because we learn that what we are good at WE ARE REALLY GOOD AT.

So with all of that I think about how much smarter we will become. It gives me hope. How much we CAN do. How much should be done. How we have ability to be better. All we need is hope..

Observation 138

Often enough I have been asked what do I want in life? What would I do with a million Dollars? If I had three wishes what would those be? Recently it has come to my attention a great deal that I have no answers. Even as a younger man I never knew what I wanted. I simply took the highs and lows I had and rolled with it.

I have always managed to take a situation I wake up with and in many ways over think it and push past it. This has been the turn out of both good and bad results.

The good – results in taking any situation that comes up “and believe me they come up hard some times” and dealing with it without any feelings of pressure in that moment. So if lets say by example someone calls out of work at the last minute. Chances are my boss will call me and I will come in because I am 99% of the time prepared for it. I make it so that I can adapt very quickly to any situation. Not exactly a talent that many people have I must point out. This also wasn’t a talent that I was born with I had to learn how to make each situation smaller and build that perspective myself with time.

The bad – results in overthinking many situations. Emotionally it can be draining. It also keeps me on edge at times that I should be relaxed. The biggest problem with it is the being in my head part really. Constantly having to push back feelings of want and putting everything before myself also can be very frustrating. It builds up and builds up and eventually is no good for my spirit.

With time I have learned to balance it. As an adult I think that is part of the aging process. You learn to accept the past and move forward with it. You come to terms with what is in the hands of yourself. So quickly moving back to the topic. I continue to ask myself the questions.

What do I want? At this point I just want to be happy and find a direction for myself. I know what I am good at. That part should be easy and maybe even fun to list… let’s see…

I am good under pressure.. I always think out every situation… I never lose my cool with people “EVEN IF I SHOULD”… I am without question one of the most organized and Original people I know.. I know what situations I am comfortable in.. I have always kept my responsibilities as priority ONE.. Routine is key to me once I jump into one..I can lead if the situation calls for it.. I know the difference between a FACT AND AN OPINION “RARE”.. Confidence has never been a issue… I always speak my mind however it often can take more time to adjust to what that is..

So that’s just the small parts of what I am good at.. with that I should have some sort of road for a direction. However I can apply most of that information to careers or jobs and it doesn’t get me very far… the real question should be more specific. What am I Passionate about?

Observation 137

It’s been to long since I have written anything on here. If you had asked me at the start of this year how much writing I was going to get done it would have been double what it currently is. So many things are on my mind right now that it’s been hard to focus on just one topic to observe about.

You would think that would make it easy to write but if everything is cluttered I can’t work. I can’t write, I can’t focus and it’s truthfully the reason I haven’t written much of anything since my last Birthday. No really big surprise because the summer started.

Work has kicked into over drive. Doesn’t mean I am getting paid more just means that the amount of stuff I do at night has tripled in terms of dealing with what I do. From Friday Night till Tuesday Night the madness of people trying to get stuff for summer parties, gatherings and so on begins. It’s no wonder people buy more beer, cigarettes and junk food.

Short of that I have always started to take an hour after work is done to go to the gym. It has helped improve my mood and for the most part makes me tired enough to fall asleep once I get home. It’s been a 5 day a week thing I have been trying to keep up with. So far so good and I am adjusting well to it. Even managed to see a doctor last week and that yearly check up went perfect. Nothing wrong with me at all short of having to eat more protein cause of all the weight lifting. …Nothing I didn’t already know.

I look around at things on a daily bases now and while I am continuing to be a observer I notice most people aren’t. During the Summer most people do everything to relax, distract, and plan for the Winter. No one is talking about it yet but come next month I am sure that the big quote coming out of everyone’s mouth will be “Winter is coming…”.

One of the good things I have noticed is that everyone is in good spirits. I haven’t seen a single fight this year which is …kinda good… Makes me think in a cynical way that maybe it’s building to something? I hope not but regardless of all that seems like a pretty good Summer to be doing anything!

The weather has been hot but not like super hot… Humidity is just a nightmare this year.. but least it’s not like 110 degrees. Working at night has the advantage of not having to really deal with that directly. I come out just as the night cools things down. True… the humidity is still pretty bad but I have noticed that the people at my job keep the store fairly cool. Not sure why …? Regardless it stays comfortable.

What have I really been doing with my Summer? For the most part just work, gym, sleep..repeat. On my days off I have noticed that I sleep on and off for 3 hours here…and there. Not very exciting and in truth that is also why I haven’t done any writing about Video Games. I haven’t had any time to PLAY.. or finish anything. The last game I finished was Doom… Hell Killer Instinct was something I picked up for a bit. I have barely even touched the Street Fighter V story mode just released.

However the good part to all things Video Games is that my Brother, My cousin and my girlfriend have all gotten in on playing Final Fantasy A Realm Reborn. Cause it’s an online game I will probably post something small about that in the future but yea..it’s probably the only thing I have even touched in weeks!

Hopefully once work slows down and things get back into some sort of less chaotic order I will set things back into motion on this site again.. just been ruff with time and all that…BUT YES.. More will be coming soon!

Observation 136


Every time I fall asleep at a Hospital it often makes me think about my childhood. If you grew up like I did you remember things like IV machines, clown curtains, men and women in white coats. You remember the hard press of the beds and how it felt to never really be too comfortable sleeping. Everything was an effort and it was all also out of the control of yourself and those around you.

You could even feel the sadness which was odd because why would anyone be sad over something that no one could take control over? Logic goes out the window in situations like that because people naturally NEED to feel like something COULD be done. I personally over think everything so it isn’t an easy thing for me to deal with.

I am comfortable with the concept that you can’t control fate. Yet I always think about how smart I am. Could I come up with a better answer to a situation that “involves” me? Could I do something for someone in a situation I know nothing about? What is stopping me from knowing more? WHAT CAN BE DONE?.. I push that back to a whisper and maintain my sanity thru acts of kindness like most people would do.

I spend my time well with the people I love. Nothing is ever a effort for anyone in that small bubble. Personally I understand that part because it’s also just natural for anyone to build a bubble of care for family, friends, and rarely the few we meet once or twice in life.

I do my best for everyone and that is my nature. I am always happy to do it and always happy to have people in my life who I believe would do the same for me.

Observation 135


Recently I have been thinking about what the world will be like come 30 years from now. Now being 06/21/2016.. So that means I am thinking 2046. So much has happened in the past 30 years that it’s hard to even think about what state we will be in. I kinda find it hard to believe we will be in a better position on any front. People seem to be getting dumber and in some ways it frightens me. Majority thought just isn’t what I thought it would be. Elders are supposed to learn from past mistakes or at least take with the age the idea of “Wisdom”.  Some how I think it passed this current generation and I can’t comprehend how it happened.

I think about how easy we have made it to survive and I wonder if it was a good idea? Don’t get me wrong the concept of mass communication and the internet on paper sounds great! Spread ideas, communicate faster, offer time in exchange for efforts. It allows for things to move faster and spread quicker but perhaps we should have stopped to think about WHAT was being spread. Television Shows, 24 hour News Networks, Music, Art and even Pornography. Some of this is good and some is very bad.

I have come to find that to make something great you need to include thought and as it is now thought just doesn’t move as fast as data currently. But let’s return to the first thought.. 30 years from now.

I can see a world that is divided into smaller worlds of perfection. You know that scene in the movie the Matrix where they show everyone living in batteries. We choose to do that instead of it being forced on us. I could see it happening because who wouldn’t want to have the capability to eat what they want, pick how they want people to see them, and no longer have to worry about the cost of everything because it’s all automated now?

At what point do we become so comfortable that we sacrifice our humanity to just live with unlimited decisions being made for ourselves? To never again fear getting sick because we don’t do anything to cause harm to our actual human body just the minds we use to control everything. To truly live in a bubble and experience it all without ACTUALLY experiencing it. I mean really what is experience but impulses to the brain anyway?

It’s all becoming very real and very fast. Soon we will choose to have those lives and really no one will call it slavery because no one will be forced to do any of it. AGAIN .. once it becomes so comfortable and so stress free to do it will be easy to see why it all comes to be.

Birthday Observation 134…. age 34 (am 33..silly mistake!)


Wow it just came to my attention that the numbers would match this year.. 134 Observation at the age… 34! Funny! I am not really sure how I feel about being 34 this year.

One detail that has followed me my entire life is related to how I comprehend things. It normally takes me a smaller amount of time to really pick things up. Once I pick them up I keep em with me and I over think EVERYTHING. I think the same thing is happening here with being 34 years old. It feels real as opposed to 30 – 33. Some things about it are making me reflect on more than just the day I was born. It’s different for many reasons.

I know without question I am not 04, 14, or 24 this time around. My hair is turning gray, I can’t eat the same things I did at 14. Just don’t have the ability or attention to play video games for hours upon hours anymore. Most NEW music is just boring to me. Movies seem like copies of stories I already know. With thinking about it like that most of it is negative.

However the way I see most of that stuff is I need to be smarter in what I eat and in that I can be built better and more healthy NOW. Video Games are good hobbies to have and I should at this point have a exact taste for what I enjoy. The same can be said for Films and Music. Having already known or been able to predict how things will come along is a good thing cause it proves how much SMARTER I am now as opposed to being younger. Which really is the biggest thing I wouldn’t change for anything.

I am much more connected and in control of my emotional mindset also. I have figured out how to deal with many things that I never thought I would. I am happy with my decisions because everything has resulted in my own decisions. Even with the bad it all becomes a matter of what I have learned and how I can apply that to what I believe. Age is an amazing thing in that prospective. Past Hard lessons learned and I come to understand that in the coming years sometimes those things just can’t be learned the easy way.

I love my family, my friends, and the place I am currently in. I really see how the entire network works this time around. How everything is connected to me. I have a real feeling of faith this time around also. Which is sorta new to me. It’s not traditional by any means and it’s not something I will discuss either but I have it and it serves it’s purpose of giving me comfort and allow me to deal with internal problems. Lots of pluses to be seen from being 34 years old.

With all of that written I can say that I am very pleased to turning 34 today. I look forward to turning 35..36… and so on.. With hopes of greater changes and hopes!

Observation 133


The past month has been a long one. Memorial day is the start of the chaos at my job. We double business and people tend to come to town for summer fun. This will remain consistent behavior until about September. It’s good for business but bad for employees because we have to double our work and no one really likes to do that. Truth be told I do the best I can all year round and keeping up with the volume can be ruff but yea it’s work “duh”.

The past month was full of ups and downs. Some far more “dramatic (not sure if that’s the right work to use)” then expected. Both personal changes and Family changes that really had it’s negative effects and positive. Negative ends I won’t write about but Positive end is that my family did come together “I got see my brother who came to visit from Texas”. I started going to the gym and am working out again! Really lots of changes and what not… THIS month “we are now on the 2nd of June” I turn 34 years old. Not really feeling so great about that which is odd because I didn’t care anything at all for 30 – 33 but 34 is really bothering me mentally.

I don’t think it’s so much the number 34 but the fact that  I am fully understanding that age is both progressive and a term of acceptance. I am accepting that my 20’s while amazing to live past aren’t coming back “as with anything from the past”. That everything that I had built to become adapt to is now gone so in some ways I have to RE ADAPT to what the current times are.. Really I do that every day but as a setting of thinking “this was this and now it’s that”. Sorta hitting me hard  on that end for ..some..odd..reason.

So I am not going to say OH MY GOD I AM OLD..cause I know I am still really young but I am without question an adult now and need to focus on what that meaning is. Now with that said my generation of adults as I see it really has it good. I have never had to worry about survival because I have gotten into a routine for caring about myself which as I get older I notice requires a bit more attention towards my mind and body. I can no longer spend hours upon hours playing video games and eating ice cream. Why? A. It’s a waste of time I don’t have “cause I work and need to sleep” B. I would get super super fat if I did that which would make me slow and unable to do what is on a personal level “required” for myself. C. Cause I can’at physically do it without being uncomfortable “some foods just don’t go down as easy as once was”. THAT IS JUST A PART OF BEING OLDER.. You just don’t get to do it and be comfortable.

Which really is what age is all about I think. It’s about finding a comfortable space and figuring out how to keep it steady.  I have never tried to be happy in my life. My goal has always been to be COMFORTABLE and if Happy comes “BETTER FOR ME” if the opposite comes “I am prepared to deal with it”. So that pretty much is what I have come to with all of that. Currently I am looking forward to my Birthday which is NEXT FRIDAY. I am hoping for another great year at least on a personal level cause personally I don’t have much to complain about.. I have issues yes but who doesn’t?

Observation 132

I haven’t done much writing in the last few weeks. Reasons being are sort of personal and have a great deal to do with Family, focus, and work. Just not enough time in the day to post about anything or write about anything. It’s just been one of those months so far and it’s already HALF WAY THRU MAY!

Yes I will be writing about comics and stuff soon.. just haven’t had time to read stuff.. and catch up ..on this and that.. and blah.. REGARDLESS!!

Recently lots of things have been going on in my mind. I haven’t been playing many video games..and really I haven’t even put up a section for it on here in a longggggggggggg time.. I HAVEN’T FINISHED ANYTHING IN FOREVER!! I just started to play Killer Instinct on PC which I now own seasons 1 – 3. I Hoped to have DOOM last Friday..but I haven’t even gotten a single e-mail from Bethesda about anything so..who knows when that is going to happen? So yes lots to catch up in terms of just that stuff alone.

Now getting back to OBSERVATIONS.. like I said lots has been going on in my mind recently. I want to write about faith, religion, tragedy, and just dealing with situations people don’t think about until they come up. JUST NEED TO FIND THE TIME FOR IT.. Really is this an observation? Kinda.. because it puts me back into a head space to write a little about.. I guess… Cooping? I am doing that pretty well with everything considering.

I have started to notice lots of changes also. I can’t be sure if that is age or something else? I know my birthday is coming up soon and I just.. am in that spot I suppose.. so yea.. it’s all odd..but STUFF IS COMING!

Observation 131


Sometimes the universe talks to you. Least it has been doing so for me for at least the last few weeks. I been trying to focus and figure out what is being said but I have never been very good at listening. I mean yes.. I can listen and hear what is being said but not the way that I think it wants me. Lots of things are rattling around my head right now and currently it just seems like I would rather sleep 99% of the time rather then deal with any of it.

I understand people who drink and escape. Problem is that it doesn’t get you any place positive or even help to see light on a situation because it’s just that… an escape. I don’t need an escape I need actual answers, Goals, perhaps even a plan? Normally I set up a plan and about 75% of the time it goes according but every once in awhile a 25% will hit and things must be adjusted.

That isn’t to say the plan wasn’t good but a unforeseeable outcome just accord. It’s difficult to say why it was unforeseeable because I have never really taken the time to learn about how the visions work. Perhaps it’s time to do that? Maybe I should take some time to figure out what is going on in my own mind right now? Who can really say?

Observation 130


The older I get the more I understand things around me. The more I notice how unoriginal ideas are and how the construct of everything around me is really built on other smaller ideas. Cover Songs, Reboots, Remakes, and Retelling all designed from a source. Now the interesting thing that I have discovered is that the source always takes place in the past…not the future.

Zero would be the first because everything starts from that. Source is always zero or thought to be exact. People come up with ideas for tools to make life easier. Eventually our nature makes the tools into weapons because emotions get a mix into that. With emotions come the thoughts or questions of faith and fate. This is always the source for our problems but this post is more about creative culture. The source for what makes us creative.

Vampires, Ghost, Zombies, Spirits, Gods, Devils and pretty much everything that mythical “that can’t be explained” is ground in a source. Even music and media have FACT to back it up and or lie about it. You can’t question Fact because like the source it’s based on the past events that can’t be changed. History is just telling of that story from whatever prospective however diluted by it’s point of view or aspect telling.

Getting back to my point I don’t see much original happening around me because of my age. Cause the source hasn’t grown it has been copied and transferred and the older I get the more I can see it. It becomes easier for me to understand stories told cause I get the messages as complex as they can be.

It’s funny cause as a child or even teenager I could read a book and have a concept of what it said. Now I read the same book and I get the entire book! It’s made me interested to see what happens the older I get. Will I understand more about the source? Perhaps that is what life is all about just gathering information..understanding it and moving forward from that.


Observation 129


Over time I have become a watcher. Someone who enjoys both a good and bad show. I observe everything that happens around me and more often then I want to admit I over think everything that happens. I also think it’s fair to say that I have become a person “of” the people. What that means is I am someone who understands people on both a mental level and perhaps a physical one. Behavior has always been interesting to me and after working with people for so many years I can honestly say that it hasn’t ever once dulled out.

Experience in watching people has given me some personality flaws and some things people would call perks but above all it has given me WITHOUT QUESTION stories to tell. I would love to say the stories are those of hope for humanity and how I see our effect as a social construct to be brought to a better more lighter brighter future but it hasn’t. Every so often I am given a glimmer of hope but it rarely last that long. Eventually somethings is said or done that I simply can’t comprehend or want to understand.

Emotions cause everyone to chase after the Highs and attempt our best to avoid the lows. What this makes me think about currently is the concept that if we are to survive we need to understand that to do so really has very little to do with our intelligence and more to do with how we deal with our emotions. I have always been under the very basic understanding that we are our with 3 simple needs to survive. Eat.. Breath.. Sleep.. that is what we are born to do without question of anything that needs to be underlined.  Everything outside of that is more for comfort and emotional substance.

Even crazy people need to do those 3 basic things.  Now of course if we really get into it we can say sleep is really narrow in the needs department. I know people that sleep 2 hours here.. 2 hours there and really do very well for themselves. I myself have gotten into the pattern of 3 -4 hours in the morning and 3 – 4 hours in the evening “not counting longer hours on my days off”. We adapt as people in some situations but regardless the needs of those 3 things are still REQUIRED.

Like a computer needs Electric we Require 3 basic things and this from time to time tends to be the issue with so many people.  As a watcher “getting back on topic” I notice what people find to be important differs based on those 3 things. For example people who Eat unhealthy tend to be more stressed because the body is stressed and lacking in particular chemicals that cause it all to work correctly. The same can be said about sleep.. people GET VERY moody if they don’t get enough of it. Breathing really has it’s own advantages but that’s really left for another observation all together.

We live in a world that has most people not interested in what is making them think the way they are and more interested in HOW CAN I OVER COME IT? One drink… we relax me.. Another will do the same but more… and more….and more.. and eventually you’re so drunk you just don’t care anymore.  A person could potentially drink themselves to death and don’t take it the wrong way I see NOTHING wrong with drinking or killing yourself it just has never been something that has crossed my mind as an adult to do either. However I have seen people who have thought it. People who have said “to my face” Nothing Matters so let’s just….relax.

By nature I can’t relax that much cause my mind is always moving. I am always over thinking one situation based on another. Maybe I am just overthinking right now…hehe


Observation 128

New Years Day.. St. Patrick’s Day..Memorial Day..All decent Holidays.. Problem I have with the days is that with every day comes a Night. A night that with my job of course comes with it’s problems. Who has to deal with the problems… ME. I don’t mind Drugs, Drinking and Parties. I don’t even really mind people so much so long as the person knows how to act Mature about the situation.

But some people don’t know how to act right and honestly while my personality allows me to deal with them LIKE THE MATURE ADULT I AM. Sometimes .. I want people to cross that line that I have that would force me to release a large amount of anger I have.  They never do.. They get loud and I get louder. They act the fool and I correct them the proper way thru fear of law.

Anger is a human emotion I have known all to well and the best way I can think of that counters it for a NORMAL PERSON.. well way I have come to terms with is thru meditation. Call it religion or whatever you want but it works for me. I can focus on an emotion and focus on the thought to make it comprehensible and logical. Keeps me in tune with an idea to balance the universe around me. It all sounds crazy but essentially I make it so that “let’s call it faith” guides me back to a happy place. Perhaps it’s the best way to say I cope with things well when it comes to irrational people doing irrational things.

I do have a line and really in 33 years NO ONE has ever crossed it to this date. I think it’s cause I am good with my words also. I can talk people into being less aggressive. Sometimes I am so good with words I even get people to admit the wrong that’s been done “Ex girlfriends hate that hehe”.

Everyone has a level and every Holiday I am reminded… puff puff


Observation 127


I am a fan of music like many people. The biggest influences on the topic are without question my parents and my sister.  My Parents always played classic Rock, Jazz, blues and some pop. It was almost like religion in some parts because it gave character to the personality of the family that raised me. Music gives character and gives a voice to generations of people. My younger years focused on the 90’s in a very diverse way.  My sister enjoyed pop my brother enjoyed Rap and I came into discovering Heavy Metal.

Now in my view of how it all came to be diverse it was all based on influence of personality. My sister grew up during the 80’s and that was a time of an amazing pop music rise “Prince, Micheal Jackson,Madonna, etc”. So from that time you could understand why that type of music would influence her to enjoy pop music. CAUSE IT WAS GOOD! It was creative! Emotional! It made sense and was probably the high point in my life for pop music as compared to what we got after that point.  Now don’t misunderstand that statement and think that pop music isn’t good today.. SOME of it is.. but not nearly as much as it was during the 80’s. Of course this was also a big time for a rise in Hip Hop and what would become a very aggressive ton for what would grow to be Rap.

The 90’s was a strange time because music moves slightly away from pop and split towards more rock and rise of Rap music. Rap music for the most part was very rebellious and NEW. Yes we had some influences from the 80s in the community but it wasn’t as aggressive, emotional, and constructed as an art as it became during the 90’s. You have a genre that uses Record scratching, sampling, Hard hard lyrical content, some sources of computer retro influence, and a type of delivery that wasn’t as held back or hidden in code as much as other types of music.  It became straight forward and even caused Government to look at the lyrical content being spread by MUSIC. Could Music be Violent? Could it talk about topics that weren’t BEING FOCUSED ON. Was it influencing people to look at a underground that NO ONE wanted to talk about “Racism, drugs, Violence in the street, hope for the future, and of course how to deal with it thru the mediums”. It spoke to young people, old people, and what the news papers weren’t WRITING ABOUT.

Like religion did before the music it influenced Fashion, style, hell the way people did what they did and didn’t do.  Rock music for me did the same thing but it spoke as again very aggressive voice. Funny part was on a personal level I didn’t want ANYONE to know how Angry I felt I really was. I personally got into my own music “I look back now”  at a very late age. I was 16 years old when I first received my OWN FIRST CD player and Tape Player. I had friends who listened to mostly Rock music and explained to me hey if you like that.. you will like this.. it was interesting because as I learned more about it I wanted it to be Faster, Harder, Louder and just more layers that made it technical. Hell even if it was slow I wanted it to be Dark and Gloomy if not Horrific at times. It took things I was learning to enjoy such as Sci Fi, Horror, and even in some parts Video Games and made it all connect.

As I got older I came to learn that while my heart will always be into Metal I should look back and see what was being said in mixed genre. Once you reach something like that you naturally come back to what came from what. So naturally you take from what you know.. My brother was big into Rap so of course I would look into what he listened too. My sister was again big into pop so the question came what was being said? It all came together and it all made it so that I could look at music and see it for what it was to me at a point that it MADE ME CREATIVE. I wanted to make music I wanted for a long time to create stuff that was influenced by this and that and it was pretty funny cause most of it was horrible. Yet it became an outlet that naturally helped make my personality just as important as family and friends.

As with everything that stopped and I came back again to music in a more.. I’ll listen state. I kept looking for music that was good and had a point to it. Something that would speak to a time and give a voice to things I thought or wanted to listen to for entertainment. Problem was most of the stuff I enjoyed was coming from placed I already established I enjoyed before hand. Nothing new really worked for me and this is what caused me to write about this OBSERVATION.

Recently my brother made a statement to me that music is AND I QUOTE ” It’s called a generation gap”. Part of me wants to believe that music can be universal and that if you really listen to it you will find the underline based on the type of mind that is open to it. Part of me gets that some times it’s emotional and the only way to understand that is to be EXTREMELY over the top because most Young people are just that Emotionally chemically set to that. Honestly .. I can’t say I get any of the Rap or even pop rock that comes out today.. Most of it .. and I HATE TO SOUND OLD… is just Written BADLY. It has no voice, is VERY Corporate and just gets put on to make someone some place.. money.

Now that isn’t to say music today is ALL BAD.. no.. it just means it really takes some Digging into some serious amounts of bullshit to find GOOD, Original, Work… Can’t really word it better…


Observation 126


I am not without a level of fear of failure. As an adult I understand that Responsibility is a big portion of my day. By working I establish a affect that effects the lives of those around me. Now while my job title might be minor to some and really the work I do only effects so many. The Job becomes the percentage that builds what is happening around me. What exactly does that mean? Let me break this down in it’s simplest way.

I wake up, take a shower, get dressed, go to work, clock in, do my job, get paid for the day, clock out, and I am Done. Simple enough for anyone to understand no matter what job is titled. However the part most people don’t seem to see is that while I work and earn that income a  % of that time I am also paying taxes. Regardless of the job or what is being done I have to pay taxes.  What if I work a job off the books? Same concept but the % comes into effect while paying for Food, electronics, or whatever I buy Online. Now is it the same % …? No but it’s still a percent regardless because I am here and because I need to use the resources around me to “Live”.

It also becomes the same reason WE HAVE the taxes. With the taxes I pay for protection walking down the street, I pay for Schools to run so that education can be established to MAKE my job easier. I pay for the environment to remain the way it is to a % of that. Now what does this all really come down to?  Establishing a point of view for what runs this place. I understand that for us as people to do anything we require direction. That direction comes from “What we need as a social structure”.  As I have said in the past I believe as people we have 3 needs. To breath, Eat, and sleep. Without those 3 things we can not establish life and those are the only things that we are BORN that are truly NEEDED. Everything that happens involving those 3 things become “Comforts”.

I was born having a very difficult time doing 1 of the 3 “Breathing” so I have a little insight into how it feels to not be up to pare with one of the things I NEEDED. Trust me .. it sucks.. but it also highlighted for me the idea that comforts are really not that important. It’s nice to have it but it’s not impossible to live without. Most people I know are without said vision because every day “especially now” they live in roles of comfort that are never brought up. Having a good family, finical limits, health, Food on the table, and of course shelter. It’s comforts that people tend to forget because it’s so common in every day living.

Now what does this have to do with the first topic? I look around at what is happening with money, spending, media and how we think about our lives. I look at the news papers “while not even reading most of em” and see titles like 97% chances TRUMP WINS. I look at things like Education better over seas. Immigrants use resources we don’t have, Chines spend millions on Local Building to establish “whatever”. I see titles and watch discussions every day to the point that I have to wonder if anyone really knows what we are doing?

I understand THE NEEDS of the people as away of clear point. 3 REQUIREMENTS for living but not for SURVIVAL. Survival is a totally different topic and that requires different notes for perhaps a different time. What makes me think the most and what I fear the most right now is that we don’t do enough research. TRUE RESEARCH to understand the WHY? What does that even mean? As people we want to live in comfort and it is fair to say we want to be entertained and happy. Not so much without conflict because let’s face it being Entertained is probably more interesting. If people went to the movies to watch someone without conflict the movie would probably make.. very little and no one would find any reason to watch it.

However what I am seeing currently is that the Entertainment factor is become more important. The establishment of Survival perhaps has become an underline while it should be A MAINLINE. People complain about problems CREATED BY CAUSE AND EFFECT…it .. makes.. me.. curious.. and perhaps .. a little full…of …fear

Observation 125


So this time I want to take a moment to explain why I changed the site and what I plan to do going forward.  This section appears to be the most popular from what I posted on the old site.  The politics section was also a highlight from the old site but the problem with it was that I couldn’t come up with enough content to make it interesting. So this time around I thought it would be best to combine both.  So while I will continue to write about my observations I might add a hint of Politics talk to it just for some flavor. A bit of bite if you will just to keep both sections interesting.

The first question that comes to mind also with this post is will I continue to post on Facebook? Yes I will! This entire thing started on Facebook and it will probably end on that site. Yet with all that in mind I want to keep everything under my own control. So I will be keeping it all under the PAST Post as well. So going forward this will be a interesting set up and hopefully it will lead to longer.. more.. interesting.. post?

So now that all that nonsense is out of the way what exactly do I have to observe today? Well for one I just got back from the city and came to find out that yet again it has proven to be alive and NOT so well. One of my favorite stores in the entire world “if not MY FAVORITE STORE OF ALL TIME” has closed one of it’s locations on 42nd street. Toys R us! Which means No More Ferris Wheel in the middle of Time Square, No more T-Rex, No Lego Land or Barbie World.. It’s all GONE!

From my understanding of it Toys R us has said they will move the location and that RENT was far to high for them to pay for the Lease again. The space has already been taken by Old Navy and Gap whom will move in by mid this year as well…NOT COOL IF YOU ASK ME! Toys R us in the middle of Manhattan was something I always went to visit and enjoyed just walking around in.  While Sheepshead Bay will always be MY ONE AND ONLY REAL TOYS R US. The 42nd street location was easier to get to for me and it built a good part of my 20’s time for good memories. I guess in the near future I will have to make a trip back to Sheepshead to find some old memories of good times!

Regardless of all that I find the underline to the story kinda sad. Don’t get me wrong I understand New York City is a expensive location because of all access to “whatever” and because it cost a great deal of money to Maintain pretty much anything in that location.  Yet I wonder if it’s just another sign of times changing? With no Toys R us in one location is this a foreshadow for something…worse? MAYBE NO TOYS R US AT ALL!! …..That would be a NIGHTMARE!

I guess really time will tell.. I can only hope that in the future things don’t look so grim… Least I still got my Midtown Comics and Nintendo Store to visit!


Observations 124 – 001 can be found at

Observation 124
February 6th 2016

Right now I am thinking about a few different things and I am not sure if any of this will make sense to write down “Type”. First thing I am concerned about the future. Not just my own but the future of everyone I come in contact with and everyone I will come in contact with. I live in a world full of fast foods and Iphone chargers. I use to have nightmares about robots taking over the world and machines KILLING EVERYONE. I know that is an obsolete idea. Robots that want control managed to get it and they didn’t drop a single a bomb or shoot a single Lazer cannon. Truth is the machines want control and we as humans GAVE INTO IT.

Yesterday I went food shopping “Warwick,NY… ShopRite”. I managed to get all of my food shopping done about an hour before the bus showed up and so I sorted the food into the bags. Waited outside the store for the bus to show up. I noticed something… The only people who noticed me standing with my bags must have been above the age of 50. Most people that age look at me with my long hair and my bushy face thinking “He needs a hair cut and probably some sun.” I stood outside the store without headphones for about 30 minutes. I even made eye contact with some people and 9 out of 10 “yes I counted” didn’t say hello. Instead they pulled the phones out of the pockets and looked down at it. I even smiled at them and often enough “9 out of 10” didn’t respond short of just looking at the phones. Are we afraid of people? Has the media won? Do we not even smile back now? WTF is the point of mass communications if we can’t even minor it?

Part of me wants to think that we lost something some years back. Something that made us afraid of even the people we see every single day. I don’t fear anything “short of lobsters” and yet I know in my mind that if something DRAMATIC doesn’t change soon we are heading down a road we will not get out of. I do blame media because it is on the one constant we all have. We all have Television and even if we don’t we have News reports on the phones we carry. If not we have word of mouth which 10 out of 10 times isn’t fact checked anyway. Why can’t we even smile at people any more?

The Second concern I have is that in all that stuff we lost something very important. Something that makes us creative. It’s almost alien to us now and it sort of forces us to keep our minds in a box. Don’t change this.. don’t do that.. I don’t have the answers for this part but I know that “FOR A FACT” we are being controlled by something. Can’t even say what it is but for now let’s just call it FATE. I will have to write more about this later…puff
Observation 123
January 9th, 2016

A new year and a new set of both the good and bad. So far I can say I started hopeful. The only bad thing to happen is a stupid f@#%ing tooth problem which I am currently dealing with. However funny note to that last part is for the past 2 years…I started each year with having a toofs”<-best English ever!” removed so really no surprise on that end.

Started the year also with a 25 cent raise because minimum wage went up again. It’s a good job to have that provides what it does for it’s employees. So over all I have zero complaints. Actually this is going to be a interesting post because currently my mind is really surrounded by family. My older brother is here from Texas and all that keeps staying in my mind “in some odd part of it” is how the years have progressed. We are all happy with our positions “for the most part”. We have built ourselves into adults and for the most part this is the first time in many many years that all of us can say we see a direction.

Now seeing a direction isn’t the same as going into it but it’s without a question a source for good feelings and Progression. We are all set her by fate in my belief and understanding why we are here is not so much as important as understanding what we will do. It’s a good feeling and probably one of the payments you get for making a good decision but it’s also like the cherry in the pac man game. You don’t need it but it’s nice to have.

That’s how I view this insight I am having..this good feeling. That things will get better and even in dark times something is to be gained from it all. I feel hope and for the start of a new year.. that is a good direction to follow.
Observation 122
December 31, 2015

This year has been really good “all things considering”! 2015 proved a few things about humanity that I have been “saying” for years. In groups we are dumb. We believe the words of many many many people without fact. We always jump to conclusions about topics we haven’t done any sort of research with. If we read about it in the newspaper/New website or see it on television… IT MUST BE TRUE!

This is why I think we have “and this is my opinion” the problems we have and will have THIS COMING YEAR. Donald Trump…is running for president and this year “2016” will be a election year. It sounds like a joke even as I write it but I know people who will vote for him because he is “Honest” which in sum to the above joke proves that people believe the government is being depicted as DISHONEST.

Secrets destroy relationships and no one can question that. While we lie for the benefit of pretty much everyone we do it with that never helps. It creates drama and while some people LIVE FOR DRAMA “I do not”. I Write because it helps me express my feelings and not because I want to make up drama. While most REAL DRAMA is written I know that everything I write here I will back up in person. I make it “as a matter of fact” by inputting it all into words that I can “prove” with a time stamp. I said what I said and here you go you can read it during the time I wrote it.

ANYWAY this has been all over the place so far. The point I am making is that my writing will continue and I am refining the website more this year. With this year will come a great many changes “for everyone” that much I am 100% sure of. Who knows what will happen?

I can hope! That is what I will continue to do!
Observation 121

December 6th

The last few days have been sort of strange. My moods have gone from really good to really bad in just one week. I mean that can be really any given week but what made it strange this week is that I actually noticed how it slowly declined.

So let me explain so that it doesn’t make it sound like I am on drugs or anything strange like that. Every week starts off at work cause I work at night so let’s say 1 a.m. Sunday Morning. I did my normal Sunday routine and I was feeling pretty good cause I had just gotten past another Thanks Giving. Thanks Giving is always a good time cause I get to spend time talking to everyone that is important to me. Sister “April”, her Husband “Charles”, the boys “CJ and William”, my mother and father. I spent a good part of the weekend thinking back on that and how lucky I am. Of course my mind would go other places but mostly I was on that this is a good life High that people get “from time to time”. Really it was a normal work week. I can’t say anything strange happened at work at all that wasn’t in routine so I know for a fact it isn’t work that is bringing me down.

The Two nights I had off I honestly didn’t spend any time doing anything important or even really note worthy “here”. I played Video Games a majority of that time “which I haven’t done in a LONG LONG LONG TIME”. Something about Wolfenstein The New Order caught my attention this week and I had to finish it “really really good story…will write about it in the video game section later on this week”. So I can pretty much mark off it wasn’t anything I did during those two nights off.

Come to think of it the weather has been pretty shit lately. Probably has something to do with that and the air pressure around here. Might be a mix of December at age 32. Not the same feeling as December at age 12 “but what is the same at such a difference”. I don’t know what it is is.. just can’t pin point the feelings. Just feeling really low…”not so much depressed” as much as low…no motivation…no clear thoughts..just sort of …drifting..”if that makes sense?”.
Observation 120

November 9th

It’s taken me a few days to think about what this observation would be about. Normally I have something in mind but recently my mind has been really focused on the future. The universe has been asking “what do you want? What are you planning to do next?”. I have put so much thought into it all and I still have no answer. The most important question that comes to mind is “Am I happy with what I have?”.

I am not uncomfortable with any of my decisions. I don’t feel upset with my past in as much as I once was. I know now that what has happened is in the past and that whatever good or bad comes my way now will be all on my own ” as it has always been”. Yet I still have no risk? Nothing I can think to jump for? Perhaps I am comfortable with what I have currently and because of that I just don’t see a drive for more like most people.

I mean really what more could I want at this point? I have a job, a place of my own, people who love me and every materialistic thing I could want. I get to write on here and while my job isn’t the best in the world it’s providing me with what I have. Would I like to do more and perhaps leave the field I am in? Sure.. and for the most part I am taking time here and there to learn things I haven’t really thought about learning before “Computer coding, writing, stuff like that”. To me it feels like I am in a good position to do anything but because I can do ANYTHING and I know I am smart enough for that perhaps it’s important at this point to just figure out WHAT IS MY FOCUS?

It feels like having a table full of treats and being told that you can only pick ONE to eat for the rest of your life. HELL even with that I would probably have an answer but at this point the bigger picture just seems really small. It’s going to continue to rack my brain until I figure it out..but something tells me a answer is coming soon!
Observation 117

September 18th 2015

This was the first week that work felt normal. I managed to get everything I wanted to get done because the seasons changed and well work was at a normal pace. I wouldn’t say slow just yet but without question it was manageable. I have always found it interesting how people work in patterns it seems. During the summer everyone is rushing around to get as much relaxing and showing off as possible. The fall they sort of rush to set up for the Winter. The Winter everyone pretty much hibernates. Spring we reset again to get ready for the Summer.

Me personally I understand how it works but it sure does seem sort of structured and almost like people are being manipulated. Which in many ways I guess we are because of nature and so on. Yet that conversation has more to do with theory of the meaning of it all and so on.. “This isn’t the place for that”.

I don’t know maybe I am over thinking here a bit but I find the entire thing very interesting. As humans we like to believe that we have control and free thought to do whatever we like. However in the grand scheme of it all we always become very tied to the structure of “this is the time to work” and “this is the time to play”. I mean it’s true people really do live by what they feel is progression. We work as people and that becomes our meaning for the most part. Whatever job we hold will structure how we eat, sleep, live, and place our emotions. Without work we pretty much live a life of chaos not knowing what to do with ourselves “short of trying to find a new job”.

Nature always wins I Suppose…hmm
Observation 118
I know I said I wasn’t going to write SHIIII online because I am working on meh book. Well I am still working on it but I FELT A NEED…to write something here… “I might be addicted to post stuff on here…damn”..
Anyway the last week has been rather stressful with a large amount of stuff happening that really wasn’t in my own control. Next week should be better but I think the thing that most bothers me is a big misconception most people I don’t think know about me because really I never talk about it. DEATH!!
The feeling of lose is something I personally have a very strange reaction with “compared to others I know”. Now when it comes to the topic of death a few other sub topics come up “Religion, Faith, and so on”. To start with I am the type of person who would never say anyone is wrong. You have your religion.. you have your faith.. good for you! Hell if you have a question for me about my own I am more open to conversation about anything then anyone on the planet. However with that in mind I have my own beliefs and faiths and really they are personal to me. You don’t agree with me I DON’T GIVE A FU@# and nothing you say or do can change that. I am without question one of those people that thinks into logic, facts, and what I have experienced in my life. It’s how I built my faith! It comes down to feelings also and the regard of what my own moral stance is for myself. So whatever I write past this point is really just my own judgments and reflections …OBSERVATION from the topic..
So yes lose to me becomes a matter of prospective. I don’t understand why people go to funerals and cry. I don’t understand why people say DEATH is the END. To me it’s just another part of the adventure of existence. To me everything is built of energy and what we feel “both physically and Emotionally” is forever. Everything has a balance in the world from what I have noticed. People are born and we have babies. People Die and that energy is transferred to other states of being. It’s how the universe works from every tiny tiny source of energy that can’t be seen by the human eye to every building block constructed. You can feel the energy around you and depending on the person you can even learn to manipulate it. Now of course all that sounds bizarre and so on..but I have in the past witnessed people do it and so yea..
My own ideas on death are that people live and people die but they are always and forever around us. Call it spirits, ghost, the soul..whatever.. it is a concept I have kept with for a long long time. So I am never upset really if someone should pass around me. I mean I hope everyone I know lives long and happy lives but it’s simply something a person can not control anyway. So GETTING BACK ON TOPIC..When it comes to my own life I have never feared death. I don’t like pain, I don’t like being miserable but I know it’s a part of life. It comes and goes the same with being happy. Like a coin flipped it has two sides. Rules of the universe say you can not have one without the other..positive and negative and really I see it in everything that passes me. So I have no fear of death and I Respect the nature of living.
So why the hell did this topic even come up? Well I keep thinking about what I want and really ..it sort of mingled it’s way into my head.
Observation 116

August 26, 2015

The summer is almost done “THANK THE GODS!”. Starting this week most of the students will return to college. Workers will get back on the grind and I will return to my normal routine of work “THANK THE GODS!!”. It has been a progressive Summer in terms of business. I know the company seen a good share of sales from our end at least. This also makes me think about how the coming seasons will progress.

Will it be a hellish Fall and Winter? Will we survive IT AGAIN!!!? We always do so really this is a bit of a dramatic question. Yet here we are and my mind can’t help but think about the future. I have given a great deal of thought to what I want to happen. For the most part I think it will all pan out very well. Yet I am left to question the possibilities.

Any number of things could happen in the coming months. Yet I know from looking back that things will calm down around here. My life will become more aggressive “creatively” and I should manage to focus more on my own ideas. It’s funny to me how the pace hits a slow down because of the weather. Maybe it has something to do with the nature of life in general? I can’t really say but I know that it happens EVERY YEAR. Perhaps it’s just something to think about…hmmm
Observation 115

JULY 18TH 2015

I am all for the idea of being entertained. Many of the things that entertain me are violent, morbid and sometimes a bit disturbing but always underlined with good stories to keep it contained. However what I find truly disturbing to me today is that the place I call home “America” is about to head in a direction that truly makes all of the stuff I find entertaining VERY VERY FREIGHTING. Truth is to it all that type of stuff never scared me. What does scare me is people who will vote for someone like Donald Trump. Educated people who not only have open minds but have good states of thought.

Now while I have had no problem in the past voicing my opinion on said things. I will say we need to understand the idea behind FICTION AND REALITY. Fiction is represented by an idea that everything is made up to Entertain. If we google the definition we will find this…

the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, especially in prose form. works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story:
REALITY is what we deal with every day. Paying bills, raising children and trying to survive day by day. What I am trying to get at right now is that most of what you will see on your television is ENTERTAINMENT. Media while it sometimes covers facts more often than not attempts to keep you glued to the screen with little to no purpose short of gaining ratings that keeps it running. If you don’t spend the time watching it it doesn’t make it’s money. If people wanted understand real issues like poverty, education and the economics of our surrounding area it really doesn’t take much to figure it short of opening the doors you have.

Personally I have seen on my own time a rise of drugs, homeless, and uneducated minds. Now this is a cause for concern because we are going to now vote for someone because that person is good at entertaining but shows absolutely no drive or message for anything that shows leadership AT ALL. Truth be told I am not that shocked by this rise of vote for the entertaining guy because I look around at the world and I see what we are doing. Reality TV is funny! More people know who Kim is rather than Gandhi and if you showed a younger person a picture of Gandhi at this point that would probably point and say HE’S A TERRORIST.

It truly frightens me to think about the future we are headed towards. Book stores close down and no one takes notice. Sports stores open in the same place and everyone thinks WOW THAT’S A GOOD IDEA! I don’t know what the future will hold but me personally I think it’s time to start beating the dumb and someone needs to TAKE THE REMOTES AWAY!

July 16th, 2015 12:12 a.m.

I started this writing stuff because I wanted a place to put my brains. It grew from just the posts “observations” to my site “www.theoneandonlyalexander.com” and I have been trying to figure out how to do this. In the next year I will be expanding and consolidating much of the writing to just ONE site as opposed to 5 or 6 separate sites. So I will cover everything on one stream site which will cover my opinions on future games, news, music, and so on.


Regardless of all that I have been trying for over a month to write about a few things that I simply haven’t had the time to do. Which is a true statement and a lie at the same time because any time I do have the time to write it I SIMPLY CAN’T FOCUS! The weather has changed to the point that it doesn’t get dark until 9:00 p.m. and it starts to get light at 4:30 a.m. My sleeping habits are REALLY REALLY BAD. On top of that I have had to change my eating habits because of a bad medical thing that isn’t serious but annoying! Either way lots of things have happened on to top it all I TURNED 32…THANK YOU… Thank you..

So let’s get to it? What have I observed lately? Short of the typical stuff “I.Qs going down” the summer has started and people are out which makes my job “at night” difficult. I work the weekends and with that I work ALONE. I deal with everyone being out and about; drunk and high. It’s difficult to say exactly how I manage to do it but I do. It raises my stress which is then countered by coming home to my girlfriend who lowers my stress. I think part of me understands that is how being a adult works. You deal with all the problems and learn to coop with it.

Work becomes motivated by setting small goals that keep you wanting to move on a emotional level. For example I go to work and I do my job to pay for my home, comic books, food, girlfriend, and so on. Things that keep me wanting to push for more and things that I do to consume a part of my time for entertainment and to release stress. Much like a cycle that feeds on itself.

Regardless of all that people come out during the summer to enjoy the outside activities that surround them. Going to the beach, entertainment parks, movies, shows and so on. It’s all on the table for about two or three months because the weather is just comfortable enough to make it happen. So while I am given time to think about pretty much all of this activity I am also given time to relax and write what I can.
Observation 113

May 17, 2015 at 1:46pm

So I took the week off work as sort of a short “Vacation” as it is being titled by my job. I did take a short time to relax and get away from work but mostly I spent the week studying Computer code. I was starting to feel the walls come in on me as it was a cycle of ” Come home from work, sleep, wake up (do some stuff), sleep again, go back to work”. This I guess is the adult cycle as untold by any teachers or really anyone for that matter. I mean sure you are always told at a young age “Enjoy School while you are in it” but no one really says why?

The grind as some call it becomes a matter of working for money to support yourself/enjoy yourself/try to Progress in between. So for the most part I wanted to just progress myself this week with learning something new I hadn’t put much thought into. I wanted to open doors that I knew nothing about and for the most part I feel successful about it all. I started my journey into the great world of computer programming and web design. So I will continue to do it in my spare time as of tonight I return to the cycle.

However I question “which brings me to the observation” should it really feel like a cycle? Is that really what being a adult is? You work…sleep…do what you can to stay civilized…and sleep..repeat..? I like the feeling of progression and as I am getting older I notice I loss that more and more. Maybe it’s my job? Perhaps it’s because I should return to School? I am not really sure what it is but it always feels like I am running up a hill that I can’t get to the top of. I want to explore more but I want to keep myself stable which I suppose will only happen with a better job?

Maybe it’s because I don’t think things are moving fast enough for me? Lots of questions but really no answers….perhaps it’s something I should just think over.

Observation 112

march 30th,2015 at 9:44am

I haven’t written an Observation in awhile. The past month has been full of writing just nothing here. I have been writing two fictional stories and a stupid blog that I have been just random about. Regardless I have as one always does been observing things around me. Mostly about age …or aging I am finding some interesting details come up or to mind recently. Both the positive and the Negative ends of aging are becoming clearer as the days go by. I find that I am set in my ways now being 31 going on 32 “in a couple of months” and that I am still open to pretty much everything but don’t understand most of it.

Take for example Music. I love the music I love however if I hear something new 9 times out of 10 it sounds like something I have already heard just readjusted or remixed “as it is”. Perhaps Creativity is gone or perhaps it’s just I am stuck in a loop hole of what I am us to hearing. Really this example can be spread across several entertainment ideas but it shines best with Music. While I love the idea of seeing updated movies, or rebooted series a part of me always comes to that place that I question “why not something original?”

In the current state of things with the Economy I can see why risking art or investing in work that is unsure to work can be a problem. This is also why companies invest in what they know will work. What they know works is what works and copying it is guaranteed to give a percent of that. This is why we have 6 Lord of the Rings Movies which was based on a 4 book story. Also why we are getting another 3 Star Wars films and of course Another Terminator Film. While I look forward to the Terminator film and maybe the next three Star Wars films the idea still bothers me that another series by an unknown person will never come to be as good as the base concepts. I also think that is why I am working on the two ficional Stories I am ” like how I circled this one ?”.

I guess it’s a matter of interest also. I have interest in hearing the New Wu Tang album because I enjoyed the albums before it. Same goes for Video games.. I REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEXT MORTAL KOMBAT game because the one’s before it had been great. I Can say the same for most of my interest. Comic books became something new to me about seven years ago. While Comics had been around since forever and really my brother had a big interest in them I never took to em till I read an article while living in Wisconsin about the Death of Batman. Now I had a love for Batman in movies, tv shows, and cartoons but never showed any interest into the comics till that newspaper. It was all new to me and I welcomed the world it would bring me in. Now here we are in 2015 and I have currently because of that interest every single issue of “New 52” Batman, Green Lantern, Detective Comics, and Flash to date. Of course my collection is larger then that and I love mostly DC comics at this point but it’s all been new to me. It’s better then tv and it bring me out of video games which really “as I age” I am growing tired of. For awhile I was reading books “like actual books” but I have come to find that I am very picky about books and if I don’t find the topics or the characters interesting I STRAY… QUICKLY…

Mostly I read books now for Conversation peaces or because the stories are just too cool to pass up. I almost never read anything that’s over hyped because chances are the source material is based on something more ORIGINAL. Wouldn’t have any vampire Novels without a history book on Vlad the Impaler. So yea .. I tend to stray from most of that stuff.. but straying doesn’t mean I close doors. It just means I catch interest quicker. It is what it is I guess but regardless of all that things are moving along and like my age.. I will only tolerate so much and yes the older I get the less I will tolerate… interesting thing to notice…

Observation 111

February 6, 2015 at 2:11pm

Aging is a tricky thing in life. It sort of sneaks up on you and normally you don’t notice it is happening at all unless you leave something be for a long time and come back to it. This can be done on many different levels. Reading an old book, watching an old movie, or even visiting a place you would spend a ton of time at. Now I am not saying I spent a ton of time at the place I am going to describe but I did work at a mall for awhile so to see what I did yesterday was a bit disturbing.

Now I have always known that the world around me is changing but the question at had becomes in what ways? Does any of it’s change really effect me? More so what exactly has changed? To answer any of the questions I have at hand the first thing that must happen is a bit of science/History. We as people build “it’s what we have always done” and more so people are naturally simplistic We want to do things at a progressive pace but we also don’t want to kill ourselves to much trying to get simple things done. This is why we built machines to begin with. From something as simple as pulling rope we have found that engineering is probably the best way to construct pretty much everything we do in comfort. Now rope of course is more comfortable than holding rocks on your back. Yet to that we have advanced a great deal since that.

Muscle strength can not compare to the power of a wrecking ball. Again this is Engineering at it’s best! This was all necessary in terms of the steps that needed to be done for both comfort and progression. So let’s move to today and think for a moment what is easier now as opposed to what was? What comfort became necessary and what we determine to be less important?… less …important

This is the part that disturbs me the most. So humanity reaches a level of comfort and accepts that it’s working at a progressive/speedy rate. Today we can build entire homes in days rather than weeks. We can contact one another at speeds faster then any motion could ever reach. We build cars in manufacturing factories. Machines building machines which make hand motions obsolete because the chips and pieces are so exact it’s almost impossible to do by hand. It’s a wonder of true human engineering.


So what could go wrong? What could possibly happen that would make all of this turn for lack of a better term “to shit”. You take things like art, construction, engineering, and Science but you add something sinister like politics and of course economics. Now of course you take the two things that LOGICALLY make sense. People need to feel motivated and like it’s the right thing to do. Both Politics and Economics are built on that principle but of course principle isn’t everything. Greed, Right of faith and of course lack of education bring about BIG PROBLEMS.

Consider to be the start of one of the biggest problems humanity has. It all sort of accord to me yesterday while visiting a mall “I haven’t been to a mall in years”. The fact of the matter is this.. I us to go to places like malls and shopping centers to pick up things like Books, Movies, Music, Artwork, Video Games, and anything along the lines of Entertainment and Creative thinking. Problem was it was all gone…

The lines of clothing stores filled the mall. Places that would other wise sell books, artwork and Entertainment had all gone away. The closest thing to comfort becomes places that sell cellphone covers and the latest and greatest tablets. Now it should have accord to me that it would all go this way. Considering the fact that music is now “data”. Movies you can stream on a cell phone “data”. Artwork has become modern architects of furniture and lost all it’s meaning without it’s price behind it. Fashion which at one point was a way to express who you are is now simply a brand of who you are.

Thinking back on everything it is funny I didn’t see it coming. You buy clothing that has a label and based on not the quality but the label is what your going to pay the price for. Take for example any label branded shoe. You aren’t getting a better quality just a brand name for the price. I have seen cheaply made name brand crap on the plenty.

It frightened me to think about a future that held the possibility or very real reality that young men and women will never know what it’s like to explore books, artwork, music, and grow up with the very real options to explore. True we refined the experience to web sites, applications and data but was this a good thing?

I walked around that mall looking for something of interest. Something to scream at me that would say “Come in we have something new to show you!”. Something that would get me OUT OF THE DAMNED CELL PHONE. Yet even while we ate at the food court I found that people didn’t talk to each other. They ate but they sat and stared into the cellphones.

I have always had a true fear that Machines would take over the world at some point. I have no question that this has happened. Not exactly like the way the movie the terminator explained it would. It happened in a far more frightening way… we welcomed the take over..

Are we smarter?… for the first time in a long time.. i don’t know.. honestly I thought it was just common sense that was lacking.. yet now… I wonder…

Observation 110

January 22, 2015 at 4:09pm

It’s hard to write a good story… For the last 3 years I have been writing a story in the form of a comic book called Kainless. I hadn’t really done much with it short of write out all the content, provide some artwork from not only myself but artist such as Megan Sinclair (my girlfriend) and another artist who goes by the tag ice cream mouth (who can be found at this link :http://icecreammouth.deviantart.com/). So far I have done 3 Seasons of it now entering the 4th season and really sort of built up this imaginary world I live in. The first season was simple.. I for the most part wanted to make fun of my current job..so that was really.. me just being silly. Second season I took the comic back a few years with the intention of telling a story. Some of the story would become based on real life events..and some COMPLETELY MADE UP.. but in order for me to make this story both possible and hide the real people in it I had to build up a world and a cast of characters. Second season provided the cast.. third provided the world.. I focused very much on building a interesting cast of carnival characters with the second season. Third season took those characters and explained the horrific world that they lived in. A carnival that allowed it’s guest to arrive and DIE… but come back from Hells Waiting room..only to repeat or leave the park and go on with life..

So the basic idea of the world and it’s characters have been set and tomorrow I will be starting Season 4.. Which really is going to be the start of the actual story I will be writing and doing the art for. To begin with it is a really hard thing to tell a story like this. Most of it is going to be about 80% made up and really will focus around the thoughts of the main character Kainless. The other 20% is going to come from other places and times that I think are interesting. As I am writing this I am finding it interesting how I remember things. How some parts make me think…”wow I remember that..but let me write it like this to keep it interesting”..

It’s going to be a journey for the most part and really I don’t want anyone to take to much from it. Trust that most of it is fictional and all of it is just being created to make you think as a reader… Hope everyone enjoys it!

Observation 109

January 18, 2015 at 11:37am

The First question will be how do I feel? This is the first question that any person on the planet will have. From the start you go on to NEW everything. You start life comfortable and go to uncomfortable in 0.1 seconds. We know this because we know emotions and how life begins. Babies in the mothers for the first 9 months of birth rest and are over all comfortable with that starting situation. Take it out after the 9 months and the first thing that “is supposed” to happen is the baby cry’s and clears it’s lungs. How and at what point you consider it starts is really a opinion with no current answer. Faith is born with life and thought.

So we survive and we find that to be smart is to do everything we must to be comfortable. Being smart is taking previous FACT and using it to advance. How does one become advanced? One becomes advanced by taking something UNCOMFORTABLE and making it Comfortable. So humanity as it is and has always been makes for doing what it can with what it has. We have always had people during any state of time who will in fact NOT care for reason but in that same state we have always had people Who care and think to much FOR IT. I believe “and this is my opinion” if you took a philosopher from today and put that person in a room with a past Philosopher you will in fact find that the one from today will be more in advanced by theory because the one from today has more knowledge than the one from the past.

So in conclusion to the question to be smart for a SINGLE person is not the same as being smart as a group. Cause comfort is based on the opinion and we all chase it in different ways. However that opinion is why we do what we do and to say I am right and you are wrong in itself is something that can not be proven unless fact is grounded to say it is. With opinion you have no ground for Fact because it’s bases is all Emotional.

I will tell a short story here to make my point. Two guys challenge each other Today. The challenge is for the two guys to take a trip into the woods and see who gets out first from Point A to point Z. Lets just say for kicks Point A is 0 and Z is 100 miles away.

The First guy trains hard, and gathers supplies he feels he will need to make the trip. The SECOND guy doesn’t do any of that as a matter a fact he makes ONE trip to get supplies and waits. On the day of the trip the First guy looks at the Second guy and asks are you ready? Second guy replies “Yeap…”. So The First guy starts to walk while the Second guy just stands still. The first guy watches the second guy and just questions why is he standing still? Is he mad? Clearly the challenge of getting from POINT A TO POINT Z already has the first guys confidence boosted. The second guy continues to wait till the first guy is miles away and can’t see him. Then.. the second guy pulls out a cell phone from his pocket. Calls a local state trooper to give him a lift from point A to Point Z. They both make it to point z but the question now becomes… Who was smarter?

observation 108

December 31, 2014 at 9:34pm

This will be the last post for 2014. Tonight I will be working my job I have now held back for almost 5 years. This year will also be the first COMPLETE year that I have worked in the NEW STORE. Which honestly since it’s reopening hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. I would like to note a few things about this year that I think will likely effect the coming year. To begin with 2014 was a VERY progressive year for my writing. I wanted this year to be a big focus on that and over all I can say I have hit points that I am proud of in terms of what I plan to do with all this writing. I wanted to start school in 2014 but it just didn’t happen the way I expected it too. Entering 2015 I have some big hopes to get across my mind also.This is going to be similar to 2013 in that I would like this year to be a big physical year for me. Going to workout more and attempt to watch my diet more. Perhaps even start to run again “every day” like I did before.

Now while 2015 is a brand new year and really everyone comes up with plans for how it’s all going to go. I really don’t have any intentions on doing that at all. Going to continue doing the day by day week by week plan as it comes. Fate is going to have it’s way with me regardless of what I say right now. Yet I feel hopeful. Maybe more hopeful than I have felt in a long time. I honestly can’t believe we are 15 years into the 2000’s and things have gone the way they have. I feel very very blessed to have it gone this way but LIKE I SAID..fate is going to have it’s way.

Observation 107

December 26, 2014 at 1:39pm

With Christmas here and gone I have noticed a few things.. and with the year almost done I figure it’s a good time to start writing a small bit about it all. This year has clearly been a progressive one for me in terms of writing. At this point “not to sound like a advertisement” but I am well over the confident part of being able to write. So I will be working on a book “I have said this before” but this time I really am going to pin it down. Even have a topic to write about and will probably start working on it soon. SO THAT IS GOOD!

Yet short of that this year has been pretty progressive with many mental exercises I am trying to execute. To tell the truth this year felt like a prelude to bigger things for just about everyone I know. Everyone this year seems to be taking steps to go in different directions. This I believe is very much so a matter of progression! Perhaps people are waking up and seeing that the lines “while still in place” can be bent, moved, and jumped over for the most part. True some of the directions people are going in are SUPER STRANGE to me but they are still trying. Almost like a build up to a massive event… “least that’s the way I feel about it”

I mean I look around at everything and all to quickly I see things changing. Younger things I don’t understand ” I guess that comes with age”. Older things just getting older… and really a layer of waking up that might be happening all over the place. Perhaps people are getting wiser.. or maybe I am getting wiser and just noticing more of it. I notice that the older I get the more set in my ways I am. So observing things is actually getting easier. I think it could be also because I have no wish to interact with much of it. While that sounds depressing it’s really not. It’s a learning things I seemed to have picked up this year. Wanting to understand the ways things work rather then interact with it. Wanting to build on top of things rather then float with it.

If it’s an age thing I hope it continues.. if it’s not and it’s a personality thing..maybe..just maybe.. this will lend to something very interesting!

Observation 106

December 3, 2014 at 8:31am

Why is family so important? In observing the world around me we just passed the Holiday Thanks Giving and are on a running start to Christmas. With that in mind I did get to spend most of the week last week enjoying my time with Family. It was and will always be a comfortable time for me. Family to me does so much for me. It’s a feeling of safety, warmth, comfort and above all trust with a dash of good times. We converse about the individual while maintaining the big picture. Who is here and who has been lost? How do we currently feel about one another?

When Family gathers the big picture really comes into focus. We spend the entire year just being and moving along to accomplish a progressive state. When everyone comes together that feeling becomes very open and we learn to stop feeling so alone in it all. You learn that no matter what “those” of us are bound by a comfortable state of mind only brought on by that large gathering.

True to the statement the idea comes to me that the moment everyone leaves “what happens next?” jumps right to mind. Who will be around next year? What will be the focus if one of us shouldn’t be around? Really does the presence matter at all? To me it’s based more on the idea that some of us showed up and the one’s that couldn’t are in fact in the hearts and minds of those who didn’t show up. It’s a important matter to reflect on and brings on many emotional reactions.

It’s because we become grateful that I think we choose to move into December with that state of mind that we want to show it now. Gift giving is nice but it’s more the symbol that comes from it. You want to say I am thankful your here so let me also show you love by remembrance in the gift placement. Kinda like a good bye kiss. You do it to show you care not because of want or because of a advertisement list.

The value of a true gift comes in the presence of the idea not the monetary value. I would much rather have a gift of someone saying “hey Happy Holidays” than someone driving themselves mad over getting something expensive to give. To me it’s all the same Concept but the effort is really what makes it so worth while I think. The fact YOU TRIED is what makes it worth so much. I thank everyone for that and it’s in that we continue to make that effort.

Observation 105 12/03/2014
So I am at a point of great questioning. Who am I? I mean isn’t that part of the fun of Halloween? You dress up to keep the demons at bay. I mean sure you can use the commercial reasoning for it but in retrospect of the next few months I find it interesting that the next three holidays all go in the order of “Who are you? What are you great full for? What really matters to you?”. Really sums up Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas… all times that in a strange way ask you the questions you might not ask during the warmer weather times.

So who am I? Am I my job? The words on the page? The brother? The friend? The lover? It can be broken down into such a complicated question that really filling up this page is probably a great deal easier to do with the answers. Really this is getting me no place because I could wake up tomorrow and be something completely different. Fate is going to have it’s way regardless of what I write down here. I can’t control everything and the few things that I can control are really going to have to be things that matter to me.

Maybe it’s not about who I am but who I am trying to be? I look back and I am not even close to the 17 year old boy that I was. Sure I still have bits and peaces but with growth and maturity I have become this running machine I think. I don’t think I would like the person I became if I ran into myself in the past. However I do believe that my mind would be at ease that I did it all. That I managed to hold a job, get my own place, and become completely independent of everything. That’s what adults do after all and when I think back on it I don’t know if I ever thought in the past about the future enough to think about the person I would become. Do I even think about that now? Do I really think about the person I WILL be should I turn the amazing age of 40? I know I always smile and laugh at the idea of a 80 year old Alex. Long gray hair, perhaps some grandchildren, a super Nintendo control still in my hand listening to headphones of bands I enjoy NOW. It will be funny to see 80 year old Alex I think.. probably still goofy as hell. Yet what about the in between?

The guy in his 40s, 50s and 60s? Will I still be working this job? I am not even sure…but it’s something to question. Who will be around? How much will things change?

Observation 104 10/19/2014

It’s that time again.. Days are getting shorter.. Nights are getting Longer..

I notice this because at 630am it’s still pretty pitch black. At about 7am it gets light pretty fast! It all sets at about 5pm… Either way it makes for my sleeping habits to be a bit better because well.. As I have said in the past I work at night..so yea.. MORE NIGHT TIME BETTER SLEEP!

Here I am just thinking to myself about all the things that have been done and still need to be done. Not enough time in the world I think! I have been doing so much writing lately and I think I am starting to get better at this. However I still think I have a ways to go before I can write anything really concrete at this point. I keep saying I am going to write a book but every time I sit down and really try to focus. It just doesn’t happen. Hell I even purchased a voice recorder to help me keep some ideas however every time I bring the stupid thing with me NOTHING comes to mind. That and the music at my job is so loud that it tends to prevent me from recording anything. Either way..it is what it is..

TWO More weeks till the end of this month! I am really looking forward to Halloween! It will be fun I AM SURE! Going to go to the parade in Manhattan with my girlfriend, cousin and his girlfriend so it should be GREAT! Next month the family is having a big gathering so that is also something good to look forward too. Really my mind is all over the place right now and I can’t focus on one straight thought. Was hoping this writing would do it but it’s really not.. Oh well.. GOOD TIME OF THE YEAR TO START LOOKING BACK AND FORWARD!

Observation 103 09/24/2014

No place in the world feels more like home than the streets of NYC. More specifically Brooklyn.. The moment the train passes over and under Manhattan and I have a natural feeling of comfort that hits me. Even knowing I have no room to call my own in the city I still feel it. It’s almost like a warm blanket just falls over me. Brooklyn has a magic to it that really I can’t explain very well in words. I feel it every time I go to visit a friend or just to see a site. It’s probably the main reason why I continue to come back to it with joy and comfort.

Now I know that comfort in some ways is a odd illusion. Hell anyone who has taken a ride on the subway knows you keep your eyes open and your guard up. I can look around at the people and see lives I will never understand as well as those I know all to well. People struggle to do better in this city and sometimes they just rest on what they have just to be comfortable. Yet the thing I noticed this time was something I guess that came with the changing of time.

We live in a world full of mass communication yet we don’t look at each other anymore. In some ways I noticed that we isolate ourselves with this new technology. I noticed it happened over time… but I really noticed it when I rode the train this time. Out of let’s say 9 people on the train.. 7 had headphones on and faces into the cell phone world. It really made me think for a moment about what people have become? Is the neighborhood really dead? Or has it been transferred to a community that isolates itself in the words of Facebook, twitter, and so on…Perhaps Kevin Flynn “tron movie reference” was right.. It’s a digital Frontier..

In some ways it’s good I guess because people keep to themselves to feel safe… so no drama in some ways.. but in others.. It feels like we are now boxed to be unwrapped by only the welcome list of social media? It’s hard to say if any of this is true…but really it’s what it looks like at this point.. WHY Enjoy anything as simple as the train ride by yourself when you can tell the world.. Riding the train…Come with me?.. It’s a odd thing to notice…but I guess that is how the times have changed..?

Observation 102 09/12/2014

Have you ever looked around and come to terms that your problems aren’t as bad as those around you? Recently I have discovered that while I have my own complaints about this and that. Over all I have it pretty damned good in terms of situation. If I think about what I currently have it’s really very good in terms of positives and negatives. I have a very loving family, my own apartment, all my bills are paid, a girl who loves me. On top of that I have a job that while it’s ruff at times really isn’t so bad. I get to do all the writing I want which is good considering I don’t sleep much and really maybe play video games about 10% as much as I usto. Most of my time now is spent writing… which I notice I do ALOT…

I have oppertunity to do whatever I want when I want because I am 100% fully independent. I don’t really have to rely on anyone for much BUT that isn’t to say I don’t need help every now and again. Probably the biggest problems I have really fall on myself. I make stupid mistakes because well.. at the times that I make them really they sounded like a good idea! Later of course I regret it but none the less I move on. Even with all of that I manage to pull myself together and accomplish a great deal more than I probably give myself credit for.

Now what I have come to terms with is that no matter what amount of money you make. What job you hold OR how good you got it. It never seems like anything is happening at a fast enough speed. You just can’t get to that goal in mind fast enough. It’s what forces you to jump into situations that you don’t know what the outcome will be. Personally I play it safe 99% of the time and have most everything that is vital to my living situation PLANNED. Now of course a person can’t control fate and really sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Sometimes it’s just a matter of timing and fate will take it’s turn at whatever course of action it sees fit. After all you can’t control everything BUT you can plan for just about every situation. This is pretty much what I believe most people lack that I do NOT. I am a great planner because well… I over think just about everything that happens to me OR COULD happen to me. Even some of the most morbid stuff… I tend to over think it and say..it’s possible.. I HOPE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN..but …it’s not without reason if it should. I THINK.. that is why I manage to deal the stress I have pretty easily.

People say never to let things stick with you…to release the sadness,anger, and so on. I have my own methods for that but really more often than I would like to believe I find myself staying silent about many things. Why would I stay silent? Well because 9 times out of 10 it’s just a path to more stress that really in the end I Personally am going to have to deal with MYSELF anyway. So on any given day I just make my decisions and let it go down the path I keep. I think this observation was more of a self reflective thing…hmmm


Observation 060 (04/17/2012)
I know now that New York City will always feel like home. Brooklyn especially in this case. The way it looks, smells,sounds and feels always makes me feel so comfortable. Its like wearing your shoes all day and then finally taking them off and sitting on a love seat with someone you love rubbing your feet. That is exactly how I feel when I enter the city. Most people I think can’t handle all the fast paced people walking both up town, down town, in and out of each store but I feel comfort in all that.

I have been in and out of this state yet above everything my memories and just general feelings seem to get better when I return to my NYC. I don’t think that will ever change. So anyway yesterday I took my test that I have been preparing for months to take. I believe I did pretty good and generally feel good about it. If i didn’t do that good at least it was something I put my heart into and can say HEY I TRIED. If I did do as well as I think I did then all the better. Having a goal like that is something I think everyone should have. you need motivation in your life and more often then not people don’t have anything like that. My next test is next week which will be my road test. I believe this time I will pass it because really I don’t believe I can be more comfortable with driving. Still its another goal and if I pass ..or more so when I pass. It will be another life changing moment. The possibilities will open up and I intend to take whatever I can from my chances.

I am almost 30 now and if I don’t start taking chances now with work and careers i’ll be stuck as a clerk for the rest of my life….and that isn’t what I want

Observation 059 (03/23/2012)
When I was in High School I never had a clue what was going on. I went to class, sat down and tried to listen but it always felt like the teachers and most of the students spoke in Alien. I was always trying to figure it out but one way or another I figured it be best I do things my own way and hope that someone would notice it.

That never happened… I did the best I could and I eventually did pass. I even passed figuring out that I was smarter then I thought I was and that NO ONE actually had a clue about what was going on. Not even most of the teachers knew how to get from point A….TO POINT Z.. It was kinda a ride we all went on and we did are best to get to it.

Now my biggest learning curve about myself is when I realized I have to be ORGANIZED. I have to set goals and I have to do things a specific way to get from one way to another. I did it with my learning, my music, art, even with my writing right now. One of my favorite things about video games is that its all organized in the same manor. You are given a goal and told to do something and you can’t go any other way around it. So you figure it out as the problems hit you and eventually you finish.

Right now I am trying to set things up this year to get to a goal of being more Progressive then I am right now. NOT to say I am in a bad position right now because honestly I feel very lucky to have what I do. Yet I also feel that deep part of me that wants MORE. That very human part that screams “YOU SHOULD BE DOING MORE!” for the past few years I have been pushing it and so far lots of progress with it all. I have changed the very way I look, feel, and behave for the most part.

What I have to observe and question right now..is why am I doing it? What do I EXPECT TO GAIN?… My own personal view on things I have come to the conclusion that if I want to gain anything I need to be in a different spot then the ONE I am currently. Don’t get me wrong ain’t nothing wrong with being THE DARK KNIGHT of gwl…however.. Its limited me to so many things I WANT!! ..Like.. to get married, have money, eat more children…and so on!

Its a matter of effort at this point AND I AM PUSHING IT!

Observation 058 (02/282/2012)
This entire month has been both hard and Silent. Work has been silent so I have been able to catch up on a great deal of cleaning on this part and that part. Its a good thing too because honestly the store most of the time NEEDS IT! x)

Its been hard because all week “except for today cause I had a bad head ach” I have been practicing for my Road test coming this TUESDAY! At this point I know I need more practice and honestly I am hoping for the best with this test. I REALLY NEED TO PASS IT! Next month will be my FDNY Test and again…Lots of work needs to go into getting this done. I have been killing myself with working on my workouts, and doing what I can in terms of reading for the test. Really aside from looking over old test you can’t really prepare for it because who knows what they will place on the written exam.

Next week will also follow suit with plans for my trip to Florida in JUNE. Its both cool and scary to think that come that same month I will be turning 29 while Grandma will be turning 80. The women sure doesn’t act it but god only knows I will be so lucky to be that energetic at that age.

Pushing myself has been hard because well.. I don’t sleep much… I have a great many goals to accomplish this year and not nearly enough time to do half of all of it. I still need to look into more workout stuff… I feel I am not pushing myself enough with that. With the weather getting better I hope to push myself harder. At this point I guess I can only do as much as I can. Its been a very slow progress but over all it has been progress so I can’t really complain. I can’t really wait for the weather to get better so I can really really push on with my plans.

I really am also hoping to be back in Brooklyn by the end of the year… but who knows if that will happen. Honestly that would require lots of luck and an amazing amount of planning which at this point probably isn’t going to happen..BUT I HAVE FAITH..

Holding out on faith is really all I Have at this point. Faith in myself and drive to do better is all I can accept. Do I have days where I just want to NOT do anything….NOPE…honestly I have driven those days longggggggg past gone. Every day something has to improve if it be something small or big. So really over all this year has been so far better then last in that I started this year with drive and I will end it that way.

I just hope the weather keeps up… been observing myself a great deal lately…hmmm

Observation 057 (02/27/2012)
For a long time now I have been considering the idea of moving back to Brooklyn. I keep telling myself about how much I miss it and all the things that I want to get back once I get to that GREAT goal of getting a better job, and moving back. Now I am considering the idea that maybe if I go back its not so much the place but the time. Brooklyn hadeverything for me, it had my best friends, my schools, my video game and music stores, corner shops for cookies. I could ride my bike or even walk any place I wanted to with no worries of getting lost because I knew every inch of that island.

That was more then 10 years ago thou… Now All my friends who I had known are either gone or have families. The stores I went to are gone or simply not as cheap as they were. Schools still a possibility but its not going to be the same place. Really I have to face the fact that I am going to be 29 years old soon and perhaps things are more what they are now and I can’t go back.

Lets say I do move back to Brooklyn and I do find myself a nice place to live in. I really have to question how many of the things that I had could I pick up again. Sure being able to shop whenever I want will be a plus. Going to clubs and shows also a plus. Record stores are all gone so that kinda sucks. Comic book shops are still around thou few in the bunch. I can think of only a couple of my friends who are still in Brooklyn that I miss horribly. Which in moving back will be a good thing because I will get to see them again. Good people are REALLY hard to find so I made it a very big point to be in contact with those couple.

Really it could be great… but I believe it will never be the same.

Observation 056 (02/09/2012)
I know its late but my mind seems to be moving and I haven’t written one of these in awhile so figured WHY NOT?

So recently I have been working,working working.. Only a couple of more weeks till my road test, and FDNY test. Both I hope to ACE! Lots of pushing myself this year and sadly still not enough due to being sick the past week with some sort of chest congestion thing. Not really sure but some Antibiotics later and I am feeling better…NOT GREAT..but better… the leak in my apartment has FINALLY been repaired. I had spent the day this morning at mom and dad’s with Megan, the dog and the cat while that all got fixed.

So what am I observing this time? Well today is Williams Birthday! Thursday the 9th..his party isn’t until Saturday but none the less it has me thinking. My Nephew who is currently 5 years old today has been in my family for that long and I don’t know where time WENT! It feels like yesterday my sister was having her oldest and now here we are on the 5th birthday of her youngest.

It seems to me that the older I get the more quickly time does pass by. 55, 34,38,28…GOODNESS THESE NUMBERS Keep getting higher and while I know none of us are who we are when we where lets say..17,13,12, or even 21.. Really does time have to keep going so damned quickly. The more things change the more they stay the same. In all of this I keep in mind self improvement.

Have I and those around me improved and accomplished something better for themselves and myself? I am working, and have my health and family to love. They all can say the same to this and that degree. In all of this I think to myself perhaps it isn’t the time that I am really thinking about but all the things that came between now and then. School, Jobs, Traveling, loves lost, loves gained, stress, joy and just life in general.

Here I think about the 5 year old and all the things that he will have to accomplish to get to the place that his mom and dad are at. How he will have to push to be better then myself and everyone before him and survive problems that will come and go. I think its mostly the trip that we take from it and not the time spent during the trip. Sure plenty of hours go by where we sit in school and watch the clock because the class is to FREAKING BORING..but if we really listened to the moment we would come to learn all to quickly how badly those moments we wish we could have back.

Oh what I would give to sit in a boring class room again…and what I hope to one day REVIVE that boring class room again. I write this now at the start of the year still not knowing what will come or where I will be when this year ends. However after 55 other observations taking up about a years worth of learning I know for a FACT nothing is meant to stay the same.

We will travel hard on are backs of this thing called life. Some of us will chase Mexicans, some will serve the public, some will go to school for the first time, and some will just have to deal with more stress…..WELL MOST WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH MORE STRESS…but at the end of it all the question should always be was it worth it?

Honestly I believe every second is worth it..even if I am sick and not wanting to get my ass off to running…and pushing myself…but none the less..ITS ALL WORTH IT..

Observation 055 (01/19/2012)
I am not and never have been comfortable with understanding myself. Honestly I question all the time who is? Being alive on this earth you have to question all sorts of things. What happens when I die? What am I going to do tomorrow/tonight/this evening? How is my sister,brother,mother,father and etc? Is my home clean enough, when will I do laundry again?

Some serious questions some not so much. I don’t sleep much and honestly I don’t think I ever will so I tend to stay awake just questioning things. I work at night by myself… true from time to time I have customers who come in and talk. Some are really great people, some not so much. This year we are now in the third week of the new year….THAT’S IT..and already I am nervous about the future. Plus I know some BIG F@#ING Changes are coming in my life and I am doing my best to accept that things NEED to change but honestly sometimes I just want to be 12!!

I don’t know what I am talking about but honestly I suppose change is necessary and just damn hard to accept.

Observation 054 (01/02/2012)
I don’t know what happened to the world?.. Maybe it was to many movies or maybe it was the media but since when did the idea of a Police Officer become a bad thing? DON’T get me wrong I am not saying “PEOPLE” aren’t corrupt and all and giving anyone that kinda power can get to the heads of some. Yet honestly I don’t know why so many people seem to treat the cops like they are doing something wrong?

YOU ran a stop sign and get stopped… They pull You over and ask for your license and registration… They then stop and ask you to get out of the car and stand in one spot… YOU have to ask why.. and then YOU act surprised when they can smell LIQUOR ON YOUR BREATH….and they search your car!

I don’t understand how this sort of thing happens. Yet it does happen often enough that people really see no justice in this situation. Hell some people go even further and try to tell the cops the law LIKE THE OFFICER DIDN’T SPEND several months learning it in a class instead of your nay say or TV.

Its like telling a Doctor your doing that wrong while getting open heart surgery.. SERIOUSLY..YOUR GOING TO TRY TO DO THAT? I don’t know.. it just seems to me that people are odd. Why would we try to tell someone who Has gone to school, licensed and been doing it for years HOW to do it?

I am a clerk..if you come up to me and ask if we have a product..chances are I will know..if not..then I will know where to search for said item IF we have it. We all have jobs..things some of us study to do..or have been doing for years. WHY QUESTION a person who is doing that job for a long time?

Perhaps it’s just in a nature to be defensive. To try to prove we are RIGHT when we are WRONG….I don’t know..but you would think we have evolved to the point that WE CAN GET OVER IT ALREADY.

Observation 053 (11/25/2011)
So here we are again..December.. The last month of the year 2011. Now we go into 2012 and with it comes hope, and wonder. Personally I am pleased with how 2011 went because I did manage to succeed in about 75% of the goals I head set when I started this year. I have been working out and with the result my body is to the point where I am probably more healthy now then I have ever been my entire life. School didn’t pan out the way I wanted it to however I do feel I have learned a great deal in this year about general living then I would have in any school.

My Confidence is as high as its ever been and my goals for the new year to come are clear. Now what I have been observing for quite some time is the method that people go from start to finish of any given year. Stress starts out slow…

January 1st..we all reboot for lack of a better way of explaining it. We set goals and we do are best to have them complete by the end of the year. BY December “meaning this month” WE STRESS OVER EVERYTHING… Are the numbers in correctly? Are we as a company and as a business at the points we should be? Did I buy everyone the gifts they need? Did I send out cards? Did I do this..that…its all STRESS!

What I think most people forget is that it’s the end of the year. If its not done now chances are it isn’t going to be. That we are who we are because we want to be and time doesn’t really control that. If we devote are time to positive things we come out the end of the year with positive results. If not …well.. you get the point. I think that this year I will continue to push myself the way I have. I hope that those around me will try to do the same. If 2012 does mean the end of the world at least I can say I did everything possible to make it a good and happy life.

Observation 052 (11/26/2011)
Change is a part of evolution that not only comes in big parts..but it comes in small parts to. No matter the measurement it all effects point of view and really its hard to say what can and can not come from change. I am at a point where I no long want to be in the same spot i was before. On lots of levels I want better things to come from the work that I do. Yet knowing this it also requires that I change my work as well. I am far better of a person then I THOUGHT5 years ago..or 10 years… or even 10 minutes ago.

If anything has been proven from the last few years it’s that if I push myself and I listen and continue to learn the right things life can be different in so many wonderful ways. I don’t want next year to be like this year …I want change in my life… I want things to be better. Not that things were bad at all…but room for improvements has always been my way.. My whole life always getting that C+ or B.. was always in mind and on the paper.

I think its time that I really really push myself. I am capable of so much more and I know this to be true in every part of my being. I have common sense, brains, and ability to do more with myself. As for those around me who support me I am VERY grateful to have you with me..Both family and friends. For those against the change..

GROW UP…and do something worth your life rather then go around telling people “oh you should change this and that”..

I never could stand those people..and honestly i don’t think I ever will

Observation 051 (11/14/2014)
I tried writing this last night but for some odd reason it didn’t go. So I will try again now.

Recently things have been rather active in my life. Between working, attempting to get ready for the FDNY test and well life in general its been kinda hard to find time to do simple things I want to do like…play video games, watch movies and so on. Sleeping has become a pretty big part of my days aside from work.. So over all I think I need a vacation……like…one where I don’t do SH@# but sit around and do whatever it is my little heart wants. Either way with thanks giving coming up I expect the next couple of months to not only move fast but be REALLY REALLY REALLY BUSY.

However with that said WORK should probably slow down I believe but who knows at this point. The last few nights have been HELL.. yet last night was pretty much the way I expected it to be and tonight shouldn’t be much worse. I am doing all that I can at this point to push myself but who knows what will happen..Honestly I am really really looking forward to the New Year and hope to continue to improve my state of mind and physical body. Honestly in terms of health that is the one thing I can say did go according to plan. I DON’T Think I have ever been this healthy in …well…all my life.

Now if I can just deal with the rest of my issues..such as work, and personal stuff… I think the rest will all fall into place.

But isn’t that really the way life goes? We as people tend to do one of two things. We either self destruct or we self improve… I am just trying to keep it at a medium at this point and really.. I can’t say I am doing to bad at this point..

Observation 050 (10/10/2011)
Currently I am sitting on a bus heading to Washington DC. From Dc I will be taking a train to Virginia where Megan and Myself will be picked up by her family to spend some vacation time doing….vacation things. Either way this bus is kinda small and it has Wi Fi and well.. it gives me some time to observe a few things.

For example.. Traveling on a trip like this you notice not really much to see other then trees, road, and well..other cars, trucks and what have you. You would think that at some point people would maybe add something to these roads. Perhaps Christmas tree lights would be cool. I can’t imagine it would be very distracting but it would for sure add to the very boring scenery we currently have.

Sad part is I remember traveling from New York to Florida MANY MANY MANY years ago and well I can tell you right now the scenery doesn’t change much in that spend either. Just bushes to your left and right and road. The good thing about this vacation is that the weather is supposed to be holding up pretty well so over all whatever we plan to do while we are on this adventure least we know we can DO IT!!

Goodness I have done a great deal of traveling the past few years. I must say I rather enjoy the trains more then the buses. Yet when I come to think of it most people I know prefer trains also. I WOULD love to some day go on a train from New York to Californian just because I think it would be a interesting thing to do. Either way this bus is kinda nice but over all its a interesting trip and very….boring..

Observation 049 (09/26/2011)
Recently I have had to deal with a great number of people I believe shouldn’t have passed Grades 1-4. The lack of common sense isn’t something that scares me any more but has become a simple Norm I suppose. I do my best to rationalize the amount of stupidity that I deal with. Yet I always find myself really in question if maybe its something we are doing to are selves.

My hope in humanity is just gone. The simpler things get the more stupid people will breed and really perhaps its supposed to be this way so that one day one of us will do something SOOOO STUPID…it will just destroy all the rest of us and well… i guess we will have to start from scratch again.

Maybe that’s what we need to do. RESET TIME!… I think it would work well with us to do some lifting of the logs, start some fires, LEARN TO SURVIVE A LITTLE!!

I don’t know..this is going to be short..but still….I think the easier things get the more simple minded people will be..and then…all those hard lessons..just don’t come to terms…DAMN…

Observation 48 (09/09/2011)
I haven’t written anything in awhile. Fact is the summer has been full of rain, more working hours and over all lots of time to catch up with things that needed to be caught up with….if that makes any sense at all.

However the good part is that the kids have all finally gotten back to school so now my job will probably slow down and things will probably get back to order. I might even have a second to think about stuff and actually start to kick this stuff back into play again. The summer time is never really a good time for me for the most part. Its always hot, Humid, and the day time sun is always out longer which means its rather hard for me to sleep. WHY DON’T YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT ALEX?

I work at night so having longer summer hours and having people want to do things I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO. Summer time really isn’t the best time for me. I have honestly loved winter time and fall better then any time during the years. Fall everything seems to smell better and well things get really colorful around town so over all its kinda nice. WINTER SILENCE is golden to me. I love it when everything gets covered in snow and people just aren’t around as much.

Don’t get me wrong my observations wouldn’t really be much of anything without people but as a personality flaw I really DON’T LIKE PEOPLE MUCH. How funny is that to say on a network for….People….

Either way recently it hasn’t been so bad. Work has actually forced me to be social and really to some degree its not to bad. Yet to some degree it can get REALLY annoying dealing with drunks, drug addicts and some pretty lost and lonely people. Yet again..having friends is a good thing so really I don’t have anything bad to say about anyone who will likely read this.

Next month I will be taking my first REAL vacation and I am hoping everything will turn out straight and perfect with it. I am still unsure what the plan is but at this point I have a few options and I am trying to plan that out. So many things need to be done still but HEY..

In life isn’t that every day?..God this one was pretty random…Next time i will try to focus…


Observation 047 (08/11/2011)
One of the things I never thought to observe or even really thought about much about my life is how I live it. 80% of the because of my job…its IN THE DARK! I normally on a average week work from the hours of 10:30 pm till about 630am. The sun always sets when I go in and it rises when I leave. It has been compared to the life style of a vampire,Batman, and a Raccoon! …or some sort of nocturnal creature. Fact is my sleeping habits are pretty bad .. I will sleep for 4 hours here..and 4 hours there…and that about does my sleep set for most every average day. Right now I AM OFF work and the hour is 204 am.. So yea it kinda tells you something about how I do things in life.

So what I have come to question now is why is the night life so different from the day time. I mean sure jobs are normally done during the day so really the only time people have to rest is during the night. That kinda explains the silence of the town, city, or whatever the place you are at. However the thing I hear most often is that the MOON has effects on peoples brains that make em…ummm….different. If I have learned anything from working or even being awake at night at any time its that this IS FACT..NOT FICTION.

If you ever notice how people act funny chances are its not the mood..its the moon and its reaction to the brain waves in your head. People can more then often do some pretty silly stuff. People drink more, smoke more, and act a fool more during full moons. During the night most people will do things that really…you never thought they were capable of but this also could be because they believe…NO ONE is watching. I suppose that goes for doors being closed in general too…people do what they want.

I have most of my interactions with people at night so my hope in them..is…emmmm…slim at best… BUT I believe people will eventually get better…who knows?….Either way living a night life can be both amazingly great….and..absolutely horrifying too..

Observation 046 (08/07/2011)
So recently the newspaper reported that the stock market Dow closed down 512 points. This isn’t the first sign of trouble for the world but its something that seems to have caught a great deal of attention to many people. I am not a fan of Politics but when things get reported like this along with the several stories I have heard of people losing there jobs after 15, 20 and 35 years doing a job it does raise several emotions none of which are happy or hopeful.

Don’t get me wrong I do things my own way in terms of lifestyle. I support myself,a girlfriend, a dog and a cat and really I don’t fear at all about not having money because I do my job and I do it well. The gas companies seem to be the only one’s really not SUPER effected by these ordeals mostly because its one of the three things people need every day. Water, Food, and gas is what runs every day life. Will this change? Probably in the future but by then I hope to be doing something different with my life anyway.

The way I see it life is full of ups and downs. The best way to get past most of it is to just focus on the present. When Do I have work? What will I eat today? What bills need to be paid? How much and When are pretty much set on a set of terms and times I already have planned. In the event that something should happen and my plans go astray chances are I have a back up to deal with that as well. Saving money isn’t easy and on a normal monthly bases I find myself saying…”Damn I wish I had more money saved.” Over all I live a very comfortable life for right now but the question of what will change and how it will come about comes to mind all to often.

My hope in humanity because of my job and really what people show me is very very dime. To many people spend retarded amounts of money on stuff they don’t need and almost never focus on the big pictures of paying off stuff they NEED or SHOULD pay off. I myself have a list of Credit cards that I am currently trying to pay off along with my rent and of course other resources such as Cable and this and that. These are all things I pay off so I can sleep at night and live a comfortable life.

Why so many people seem to spend redicloious amounts of money on things they DON’T need and more so WANT is beyond me. For me to spend money on something I don’t need I honestly have to question several things. A. Can I afford it? B. how long will it take to pay back? and C. What will it really change in my life?

Now I am a big time GAMER. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. My biggest things that I purchase are Video games, Comic books and from time to time music and movies. However I would never take any of those out of context and say …”i want this game so bad but I am not sure I can pay for it”… I am more so the type of person who says. I will buy said product and make a cut and clear date to which it will be paid with no sense of worry that it won’t happen. That’s pretty much how I sleep at night. I know what I know and if I question something for a second it simply doesn’t happen.

Now maybe its a matter of catching up with things that seems to be everyone’s problems. Perhaps time will fix these issues we are all having?… OR MAYBE …its all based on piss poor planning. OR PERHAPS even worse.. greed..

At this point I would say greed seems to be the problem and that the spot light seems to be showing it more and more lately could be a good thing…


Observation 045 (07/25/2011)
For awhile now I have been trying to think about what I was going to write in this here Observation. One thing I don’t think many people know about me is that I have a very open mind when it comes to religion. I very RARELY ever talk about it. I almost never bring it up in conversation because well its such a diverse topic that really saying anything can and does most of the time make people very DEFENSIVE.

So instead of talking about things that I have observed from others I will take the time to explain what I have observed from my own point of view about said topic. Things happen in life that people can’t explain. Things have happened in my own life that really I don’t have answers for and some I might gain insight with in time. How I believe the events of my life take course are all based on fate. I do believe that nature has a plan set and that the course of how I do things in life will effect the nature of everything around me. I believe that everything is set to both good and bad ends and that something is happening every day that is well beyond my control but I do take a very important part of much like EVERYONE.

Those who pressure others to do things are meant to do so. Same as those who do both good and bad. Its all meant to happen for this or that reason but I don’t think it is good or evil but a matter of opinion. No one I know does anything for evil causes. They always believe what they are doing is Correct even if its the worse kind of evil. True to the sense of it all …EVIL is the deconstruction of things. Good is the Progression of things.

who’s to say what is Right or wrong or done under the word of a greater cause? HONESTLY we are all born with one voice and we will use it as we please so who is to say what cause is correct.

Observation 044 (07/14/2011)
One of the most interesting things I have noticed about the world is how we have progressed. People back in 1990 had to write letters, drive cars to get from place to place to preform jobs. They had to carry cash and use phones at home or on street corners to communicate. TV was the only way to watch shows other then going to Broadway, or your local Cinema. Life physically had to be to done by hand.

Today progressed from all that. We have E-mail, some jobs can be done at home on computers, we have debit/credit cards, cell phones, touch screens, and are options for physically doing anything has been reduced to living lives entirely on the grid. Facebook has made it so that everything you do can be judged.

HELL this is something that couldn’t be done before short of me writing and copying this stuff on paper and handing it out like a news paper.

We live in a free world of judgement and the rise of the machines. My wonder is how far we will go with this? People can now be tracked by Metro cards, which is why the tokens were replaced. I recall hearing a story about a criminal who was caught because he used his metro card that be purchased with a debit card under his name. SUCKS TO BE HIM..but how far is to far?

This morning I heard a story about restaurants restricting the services of there restaurants to children under the age of 6 because the sound they create disturbs others. That same story was also followed by First class air planes restricting also children of the age of 6 from ridding. This all again comes down to judgement… these particular services want better points here because publicly they will lose customers from having any sort of negative comments committed.

Because of twitter, Facebook and other sources we don’t the News to tell us what is worth seeing and not because why take someone’s word from someone you don’t know when you can take it from someone who is up the block.

Things are changing and I must question…how far is to far?

Observation 043 (07/04/2011)
So its 4th of July and well things are as best as can be. What I seem to have on my mind is new and exciting things. Most of my life I have been very open minded to just about everything with the exception of Illegal actions like Drugs, and well…everything Illegal. True to terms I was a teenager once and with that comes the expected mischief making. However over the years I have come to learn that I missed some things that perhaps could have been really more or less over seen.

So I am going back and checking on a few things I missed. Something tells me that some movies, games and so on could do some reviewing. However what is most interesting to me is the aspect of it. Things seem so much more important that really aren’t when you are younger. Well when I was younger things that were really cool were video games, power rangers, and Cotton candy! Of course the nail polish, black clothing and well over all interesting life style I had have become a faded memory. I have aged and with it I notice that my mind becomes more and more set in its ways. Like when you meet someone who is over the age of 70 and can’t understand a computer…That’s slowly becoming me from what I understand. I think its a natural thing to happen to people. They get set in the ways they are used too.

Either way I plan to open my mind to more things..perhaps do some follow ups on others. All and all things will be interesting this year!

Observation 42 (06/22/2011)
Life can be funny…

This past year has taught me lots of things about myself. I started writing Observations about the most random topics and honestly this will continue probably for the rest of my life one way or another. I find it very treating and healing in my own way. I have managed to push myself in ways I didn’t think I could in terms of getting my own apartment, Fearing the future, presenting obstacles that I didn’t know I could over come but pushed for anyway. I put myself into a position that I knew would be hard but kept repeating the Mantra “No matter how hard things get you got past more then you ever thought you could. So your not thinking high enough.”

I have done more in the past 10 years then I thought I could 10 years ago. I have a ton more I NEED not want to….but NEED to do. I want to go back to Brooklyn because its the place I feel my heart is. SO I AM GOING to do that. I want to go back to school SO I AM going to figure that out. Its the journey that scares the hell out of me that I will fail. Yet here I am sitting in a place I never thought I would be all because I told that fear that I had before to for the most part go F#@# itself and what do I really have to lose.

I learned very quickly that in the end what exactly do I really need? I need to be happy, I need to be capable, and I need to be strong. I am doing so much more then I thought I could and the way I see it I am probably going to push more. If by some chance I push to much and everything falls apart what do I really have to lose?

Will power is a amazing thing I think. People don’t put enough faith into what they do. They don’t treat life with enough push. I haven’t pushed enough and I really want to do more and I plan on it. The only thing stopping me is myself yet its very complicated in my head. I know if I write it down here it sounds simple enough for me to read but….its going work.. I know its going to work.

Observation 41 (06/19/2011)
I went to work at 10:30pm.. Got out at 6:30 am.. Caught the 7 o clock bus out of town to the city. Tried my best to sleep and then went to Coney Island to the mermaid Parade.

The biggest questions I had in my mind is what happened to Coney Island? Would things be the same or different? Boy oh boy did I get my answers. Of course I uploaded a ton ofpictures of the event. My Friends who I was supposed to meet didn’t show. Some answered the phone’s, Others the timing was just bad but over all the trip was still well worth it because I got to spend time with Megan “My girlfriend” Whom enjoyed the hell out of it. Got to see my Brooklyn and all its changes. Got to enjoy a over all very energetic Parade.

I even had Nathans hot dogs, cheese fries, and a Soda! Which was worth the entire trip in itself. YES Nathans is still AROUND..and yes So is the wounder wheel and just about everything that I recalled. A few spots have been disposed of but mostly spots that I can’t recall ever caring for really. The board walk was as perfect as I remembered it, the weather could not have been better and the cops were all in place.

It was a great day to remember, My face is very very RED even after apply sun block on my face and so on. It still kinda feels like I am wearing a mask.

Towards the end of the trip while getting home around…7 or 8…at latest. I got so tired and well moody…that when I walked into my apartment..I took my shoes off..laid down..and passed out within ..at most…2 mints..

I woke up this morning at abou 4 am… sorted some stuff out…Uploaded some pictures, at about 730am..I got on my bike, did my lap around the lake, did my exercise at my parents, and now I am writing.

Over all my feelings towards Brooklyn, NY haven’t changed at all. It always does feel like home and I do miss it so very much. The trains I should also make a small note of..have IMPROVED GREATLY!..Thou the price is kinda up on that it does show a great deal of improvement from what I REMEMBERED…of them.

Over all the trip was great..I had a great time with my girlfriend, and I am over joyed of the fact that not much has changed over the years. I even got to see the docs with the crabs…but..no crab fishing…odd…

anyway off I go to enjoy a very interesting FATHERS DAY!!! Hoping for the best!

Observation 040 1/2 (06/07/2011)
I have so much on my mind right now and i can’t sleep. Yes this will be the second observation today.

I just finished riding my bike around the lake and doing some weight lifting stuff. This will be a on going thing I will do my best to continue. I am also still waiting on the Nintendo E3 presentation. I really want to see the new NINTENDO SYSTEM!…

I also believe I am over tired so I might sound a bit ..ummm…drunk…but keep in mind I don’t drink, and I don’t do drugs so yea..this is just me being over tired. In a few moments I am going to turn on my playstation and play some mortal kombat. I honestly don’t know why I am writing this right now but hey…its me writing and I kinda feel like doing that right now.

Two things I were expecting to happen today didn’t happen also. No new mk Episode, and no Castlevania DLC because its supposed come out on the 21st..and The Mk Episode happens at comic con…ITS LAME!

however I just remembered MK HAS DLC that comes out today. Its been a on going argument about content also. Anyway that sounds fun!…. why is my mind running so much… OFF i go!

Observation 040 (06/07/2011)
Last night was one of those nights that things just went according to the set up I was given. I came to work .. Did everything I had to do and pretty much didn’t sleep that much during the day. I also watched the sony press conference last night which was actually a great deal more impressive then I thought it would be. I WANT A PS VITA NOW!..Epically since they just announced last night MORTAL KOMBAT will be on it! Plus the price point isn’t to bad. 250.00…Which by December I hope to have enough..but who knows..its on the list I guess.

I am a little tired right now but I figured I would write a bit before going to sleep…

So anyway I am getting excited about my birthday on Friday and having off Friday night and Saturday night. I don’t think I have had a Friday or Saturday to myself in over a year. I can only hope that I have enough energy to enjoy it! Plus Next Saturday JUNE 18TH I hope to go visit Coney Island for the parade. Also hoping to meet up with my old friend SAM!…I do miss so many things from MY BROOKLYN, but most of all I do miss my friends. We have all grown old and spread about but some of us are still around and I am hoping to spend some small time with them as much as I can.

I REALLY need to get on the ball with things I want in my life. I want to return to Brooklyn but can’t do so because its to far from my job and to expensive to find a new job and move there. I need to enter school, get my permit again, and try to get my act together.

Don’t get me wrong I love my job now. It pays for my apartment, my food and so on. However its not what I want to do my WHOLE DAMNED LIFE. Hell I have been doing it for too long as is…however somethings are out of my control so yea..I need to get myself together.

I am just hoping for the best

Observation 039 (06/06/2011)
This might end up being a two part observation but lets see how I feel here…

Right now I am thinking about the past year. My birthday is coming up in a few days and well I am reflecting as I tend to do around this time of the year. This year has been to say the least complicated in so many fields. Both some very good things have happened as well as some tragic. Both fields of wide life involvement and short life involvement has been on the ups and downs. I think that statement can be qualified for every year but this year has been rather more up then down.

America the home and place I currently live in has seen some very good turns. I have watched as we advance as a country to a more even type of place. All that hope everyone ever talked about is starting to show I think. Yet again this could just be a opinion that I am opening my eyes more too perhaps. The state of New York while its taxes are still ridiculous seems to be getting back to that summer feeling which in itself proves people aren’t as bad off as they thought they were. When the year comes that my job is rather silent during the summer…Then and only then will I really feel something is seriously wrong with what we are doing.

People still drink, party, and feel comfortable the next day so really things can’t be so bad.

Living in New York and while I still believe we need much more improvement to get back to the place we sat at during..maybe…about…10 years ago. We are all progressing I believe. Progress is key and perhaps this is what we must all establish to have running with us. Work is work, fun is fun but for me it seems to just continue to get better and better to the point that I really am not worried any more about the drop. The drop is a natural thing at this point and when and IF it comes I don’t think I will be as off guard as I once felt I was. At this point FATE seems to be the biggest mind set I have. Both good and bad things will come and go and fate will either direct me to one side or another.

I can’t say this past year has been perfect but it came pretty damned close for me I must say. I know some things could have been better. Yet isn’t that always the story? We have to lose to accept what we have and to gain a true insight into what we should appreciate from one another.

I am sure I will continue this state of mind for the rest of the week. Yet … So much to think about…so little time

Observation 038 (05/30/2014)
Today is Memorial day. I said something to my brother in law the other day that made me think for a bit and kinda made me sad and laugh at the same time. Most people don’t know what Memorial day is about and they happen to think of it more as a time to drink, have off work and just relax.

Fact is Memorial day isn’t just for the people to have a dayoff work. Its for are warriors, are friends and family who work hard and protect us every single day. True to forum lots more people know more about it these days with the war happening over seas. Yet few people don’t know how to react to it..So they drink and waste braincells they should be using on thinking of all we have in this country, Now my feelings towards drinking is one thing…but if you didn’t drink today for at least one person who is fighting for you…or fought.

Honestly I can’t say more then this article can so …read it…and take from it what you will.. I don’t think I could have said it better.


Observation 037 (05/28/2011)
Last night was one of those nights that things constantly happened. I had customers, cigarettes to count, coffee to make, things to clean, stock and so on. It was a very busy Friday night/ Saturday Morning.. I made about give or take 1200 in a matter of 8 hours. Personally I would love to have made that kinda money myself but sadly the business iswhat it is.

I have worked around people in and out of different jobs for awhile. One of my personality flaws I fell I have is that I hate…hate….hate…people. I deal with them fine at work..and come off as over all a very pleasant person I suppose. The biggest problem I have with people is the groups.

Its a pretty interesting thing to watch people interact with one another. For example..

A person can walk into a store…come to the counter..buy something and leave.. no problems, no real conversations, nothing really said..simple in and out..

That same person can walk into a store with a couple of friends.. and well..the situation gets MORE COMPLICATED…. The person ends up loud, annoying, drunk and well is showing off.

This happens all to often and really…it causes me to really dislike people…. I don’t think this is much of a observation… but i think I am just feeling more so… Bitter!

Observation 036 (05/26/2011)
I can understand the appeal to wanting to join a community. People are naturally social creatures and while some aren’t as social as others people do require at least one person in his/her life that can help with whatever. Even if a person is a hermit chances are that person reads books, watches tv, or does something that makes being with other people a necessary thing. Even if they aren’t really around.

I understand clubs and bars also, I can see a person going to a club for music, to maybe enjoy some random conversation. To relax and feel apart of something or to dance and just go wild. I understand drinking also for the most part… I don’t agree with it really….while I do partake in it every now and again…but what I don’t understand and I never have..is drugs.

People “and this is being really general” KNOW that drugs effect the human body on a level that Alcohol can not be compared too. While drinking can kill a person over time drugs have been known to kill a person with the first time use. WHILE TRUE..some drugs have been known to never kill a person I do not understand the reason behind the drugs. Nor do I really understand smoking for that matter.

I mean its not really a hobby that can cause you to think or relax. Its not even something people do for really…any reason other then maybe and this is a big MAYBE….to experience something new….but even then if it was to experience something new you would probably only do it once and then…be done with it.

Yet people tend to become very interested in drugs and I can’t comprehend why and really for the most part I think it has a lot to do with personality. I believe people or some people for that matter require some sort of substance in life to make it worth while. Some people are just really bored also I suppose. Also some find it to be relaxing I guess. I guess those reasons can work for some people but I just don’t comprehend much of the idea of it.

Observation 035 (05/23/2011)
Last Night at work I held a interesting conversation with someone at my job about how things have changed over the internet. It got to the conversation of Pirating music and how back in the day all you needed was a friend with a cassette taper that could record another cassette tape. It made me laugh to the point to think back to high school. I was one of those kids that loved his tape player. I recorded my first album on a cassette tape, recorded numerous other albums and so on. When I lived in Brooklyn I would go to a record store and buy Tapes, because at the time CD’s were kinda costly and really I didn’t have a job or money to spend 20 bucks on a CD’S. Yet it made me think about the time between it..

Currently I don’t Pirate anything because the times have changed so much over the internet that everything YOU and I do is monitored and honestly its not worth the risk. However I do remember being younger and using Napster, and AOL and all of that stuff before they had to lay down laws for all this crap.I recall having to use a 56 k Modem and having to wait for HOURS for a song to finish. JUST ONE FREAKING SONG…and well yea times have changed.

Yet what amazes me about all of it is that its all happened so fast. High School was only about 8 years ago.. Have things really become that much different? Will there ever be a group of kids who sit in a room on a computer all night talking to each other about music, art, video games, and so on?

Such good times and yet now its all gone and things are so different now. Those kids are all grown up now and talk over this machine of wonder. I never saw it happen..hell I never thought it COULD HAPPEN. Yet here I SIT..typing about it.

we advance so quickly and the question that keeps coming to mind is what is next?…what rule…and what experience will we have next?

Observation 034 (05/15/2011)

What is it that makes a man a man and a women a women? Some believe that a level of confidence defines personality. What you say, how you say it and what level and point of view can all be measured in confidence. The bosses of corporations require a level of confidence to wake up and say..THINGS ARE GOING TO BE RUN THIS WAY AND TO HELL with the world if they aren’t.

Confidence can also be a good measure of how people find mates in life. With the right amount of confidence a man with very little can gain very much depending on how he/she carries themselves. I have seen men who would define the words “DIRT BAGS” get more in life then some people who deserve it and the only reason they gain so much is because of the level of confidence they have.

Perhaps with a level of confidence and a decent point of view a person could probably rule the world!..or at least run something big in terms of impact to it. What is power?… is it really defined in confidence of ones decisions to say this is right…that is wrong…and if you can’t deal with it I have the confidence to prove you wrong?

I think its something to think about at least…

Observation 033 (Happy Mothers day!) (05/08/2011)
Being Born and raised in the great city of Brooklyn, New York most of my life taught me several things about ..well..life.

First thing it taught me is that people come in all sorts of manors. Diversity was a big part of my life and for the most part I came to the conclusion that most people are assholes because well..that’s just how most people in THE WORLD are. Brooklyn you see lots of different people come and go all the time. If it be because its a part of a big city or because of some other strange element really my heart will always be with that very strange ISLAND known as Brooklyn.

The second thing I learned living there is that I would not be who I am today if I was born any place else raised by the people I was raised by. My parents are now and always will be the most amazing two people I have ever met. To have a mother and father like the ones I have is a gift I was born into. I respect,admire, and love with all my heart my parents.

So it being mothers day I feel very rewarded to have a women in my life whom I call mother that has always been there for me. Has always taught me lessons in life that most people would probably take for granted. She’s been a fighter for me in so many ways. Been a amazing protector and has become the model of everything I respect in women in my life.

I love my mother and I hope that in the coming years things continue to get better with are relationship as mother and son.

Observation 032 (04/24/2011)
Its Easter! While I love this holiday cause it deals with bunnies that always Touch my heart it also is a interesting one because most people don’t celebrate it like they would any other holiday.As a matter a fact I have asked several people and no one can give me a answer as to why THE BUNNY IS INVOLVED IN IT?

Either way I have a party to go to later today and I expect it to be a good time at least for a little while (I do have work after all). So anyway things have been picking up at night and while the economy is really not so great with gas prices, and soon food prices going up it seems the world is at a stand still of getting ready for Summer time fun.

I honestly I HATE the summer. I am not a fan of hot weather and really I would rather spring just drag from now till October but the chances of that happening are almost..well..impossible…right? Either way I do have some plans to return to my Brooklyn for some summer fun…MONEY DEPENDING… but I do hope to enjoy it this year. Not going to say I will get a sun tan or anything like that..but it could be some serious fun to enjoy …or at least I HOPE!

While my plans for school got kinda a hitch (and I am working on that) I figure lots still needs to be done and I plan to do. Learning to drive and getting whatever I can done while the weather is good is VITALLY important to me at this point. So far fate has been over all pretty good to me but I don’t think I could keep this going for another year without at least stepping into something to improve my situation in life. Don’t get me wrong my situation isn’t bad at all but its not what I want to be doing 30 some what years from now. Either way things are to be planned that is FOR SURE!

Perhaps its to much of a look at this point for the future but over all I am the type of person who takes the seasons on with goals. Goals that must be accomplished to help me keep what mental state I have. If I don’t accomplish these goals I TEND to worry to much and drive myself into a kinda of depression about why I WASTED TIME.

Either way the weather is changing..things are progressing….Plus in about another month (June 10th) I will be 28….

Dear god….I am getting old

Observation 031 (04/19/2011)
I have never been a person to gamble. Lottery, card games, horse races..etc… Never had any luck with any of it. However gambling is a big part of my life in that I deal with customers who do it all the time. Some people treat it like a hobby I suppose. They come in and play the same games every week, Most others only play when the winnings are high.

This particular store sells single dollar, two, five, tens,twenty and thirty dollar tickets. I have customers who believe in luck and some who do not. Tonight that is what my mind is on at the moment. LUCK!

I am the type of person who after seeing the very small amount of things I have over the years believes in Fate. No matter what I or anyone else does in my belief things are going to go the way they need to. While true in my past I have over thought many things and I do continue to hold that habit I do still believe everything that happens does and will and nothing I can do can change that.

Example of it the best way I can think is that … A man wakes up late for a job. Gets to work and gets fired. Under what I believe no matter what that man could have done even if he had woke up early he was already set in the path to get fired. Nothing could have changed that because it was his path. His Fate as I believe it.

Now over the years I can say luck has been good to me. I have a wonderful family, amazing girlfriend, spectacular friends, and I work a job to support myself that I am content with “Not over joyed” but content with.

Many many people would say I am lucky and while it does feel like a very charmed life I don’t believe luck has anything to do with it. I work hard and I do everything that is required of me and then some. By setting that path I believe that both good and bad things will come my way because naturally that is the way the world works. You can’t have a action without a reaction..

Now if a man wins a million dollars on a lottery ticket people would say he is lucky when in fact he simply got to be part of a very large mathematical statics that would lead him to being the 1 IN 10000 person to do what so many have attempted before him. Now if that same man jumps off a roof and LIVES…

Perhaps that is luck..because now he is hitting odds that simply don’t ever happen. However that could be FATE…Fate is not something that can be justified I believe but it can’t be changed either. If the way of life could be jumped in and out of like a car perhaps more people would do it because it was the smart thing to do.

or perhaps…I am wrong.. Maybe seeing to much is a bad thing?

Observation 030 (04/12/2011)

[uhb-sesh-uhn] Show IPA



the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.


the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.


the state of being obsessed.


the act of obsessing.

People naturally have hobbies, jobs, and suits to the personalities they present each day. Sometimes a person will obsess with work or a hobby to the point of unhealthy delusional psychosis. So many levels to describe obsessions in the lives of everyone who lives today.

Some people obsess with smoking, they pick up a pack. Smoke one…wait two mints..and repeat.. Some people go threw 3 packs a day. That to me can be considered a obsession. Some eat obsessively to the point that during the day they will walk around with a bag of chips or nuts or something just to have something to eat every second. I have seen this all before and the reason I bring this up is because I have a obsession.

Despite popular belief VIDEO GAMES are not my obsession. I enjoy playing them and I probably play more then some but to be more specific about what I obsess over I will make it very clear.


Video games are a source for my obsession. However I am obsessed with a particular title of video game mainly “Mortal Kombat”.

Now It didn’t really accord to me till a few weeks ago how really obsessed I was with said series. Its not a unhealthy obsession either. I still function just fine without it but I would rather have it then not. I have every book,video game, music album, movie, every internet web site, twitter account, facebook and blog entry related to said series in my home. Every action figure “while some lost due to time” has been purchased, tons of fan art, clothing, Halloween costumes “also lost over the years”. I could probably recite both films from beginning to end without watching the movies in front of me. I could tell you any and every detail rumor and myth related to it.

SAD I KNOW!!! but healthy in that while it is a hobby and a obsession of mine it doesn’t over come my life.

OK ENOUGH OF THAT..BACK to normal talk

Now some people say obsessions are more related to things you can’t control. Like a drug addict… I think this is wrong because being addicted something isn’t the same as obsessing over it. Obsessing is something you choose to do not something you feel you NEED to do. I could live my life without video games and without mortal kombat and continue being the guy I AM. so perhaps the argument of what is a true obsession is more to what I feel like questioning tonight.

Is it right to say obsession is something a person can control? Or Is obsession more of something that is like a addiction?

I could also take into account that without MY OWN obsession much of my personality I am 100% sure would not be the same as it is. Yet that might be another part to this observation I have…maybe 031…

Observation 029 (04/08/2011)
Companionship seems to be something I have focused on a great deal in my life. Everyone wants a companion if it be a dog, cat, girlfriend/boyfriend, gold fish or stuffed animal. Everyone has wanted someone or something they could talk to that allows them to release emotions they simply don’t feel like telling EVERYONE about. Me personally I have a girlfriend, a dog, and a cat all of whom have heard every little underling bitching thing I have ever said. Also every geeky moment I have chances are they get the higher points of it and it probably makes em all :Face palm:

Batman had Robin, Superman had his robots, and well Aquaman had ….his fish?…O.o

Either way people need to get these thoughts out into the open at some point or they eventually hold it in so bad THEY POP INTO A BLOODY MESS!

Ok maybe not so violent but they do kinda pop… and snap..

I don’t really believe in psychology because I think studying the mind is far to complicated a science for humans to ever comprehend. I do however believe people need others to listen.. people to commend one another and so on. Kinda silly but its what I believe!

I think that if we all had someone to bitch too chances are we wouldn’t be so bad off..

Observation 028 (04/05/2011)
wiki defines

A lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others.

This one is going to be a bit touchy I think.

Ok so the question on my mind this morning or more so for a very long time has been “What is a lie?” How does a person define the methods of the actions they do and how they are represented to others in life? Pressure or emotion on a extreme level can cause a person to lie for whatever the reason. It can happen years after a person has known someone or seconds into a conversation.

Most people I know lie to benefit the position on whatever point of view they are in. Its difficult to say why everyone lies but I do know that a great deal of emotional content goes into the reasoning behind it. For example.. Last night I held a good conversation with a old friend about the point of view of a few events that fell between us. She sees it one way as I see it another. More so I think emotion has a great deal to why I see it the way I do and why she see’s it the way she does. YET…

When coming to facts and how we define a lie or a situation that is confusing to both points of view of each person things can get complicated!

Take the point of view of a child in school or LETS MAKE IT REALLY interesting and say its an ADULT! The person comes home from school with a bad report card. Lets say said person gets 4 Grades..of the grades the person gets 3 A’s and 1 F.

Now to some this is going to get really complicated!! Cause if the parent asks.. Did you get a good report card? The person can reply YEA I DID!! :D. which in my point of view is A LIE!!! Cause you can’t say that is a good report card and end it at that. It leaves to many things out of said statement and leaves to much open. Its being DEVIOUS AND DECEPTIVENESS To the question. Especially since you know that information given isn’t what the question at hand is asked.

Common sense will tell anyone if they got that question from a parent the parent isn’t asking “Did you get a good report card?” but more so “DID YOU PASS ALL YOUR CLASSES?” Which is what some people seem to understand but play the (SMART ASS CARD) and well..give the said answer. Now if you wanted to be straight forward with a person and be like…ok well.. I need a more direct answer for said question..then good luck on your part because I know my parents would look at me and know straight by the look on my face…I AM LIEING..hehe….its comical in a sense actually.

Perhaps that’s what is missing …the common sense to questions being asked and the answer we give. Me I am over all very direct and a truthful person….at least I like to think so anyway. If someone asks me.. Do I look bad in this outfit.. I am going to tell em…YES YOU DO..or no your looking good momma!

I never take an answer think it over really fast to my benefit and give that as it is. Common sense perhaps is what is missing ….and perhaps its what makes people lie in my eyes..because I have seen far to often..people KNOW exactly the question I am asking..and give me some bs answer that is so VAGUE AND unclear that I just view it as a lie….

but that’s just me.

Observation 027 (04/01/2011)
Tonight is one of those nights that the world seems to stand still. Its dark, Raining, cold and the weather according to the reports is going to get worse. So tonight everything is pretty much at a stand still and on nights like this I tend to think or OVER THINK everything. Past, Present and Future… Things come to mind and I often don’t know what to think of any of it.

The Past can be a funny thing because when I think about it more often then not its in one of two ways. Regret or Accomplishment. Regrets come to mind because I feel some things I could have done better. Of course the other the end of this would be accomplishments..things I HAVE DONE to my best way and feel I couldn’t have done better. Tonight I feel very accomplished with everything that has been done. I am very pleased with my current position in life and know that in the future things will only be getting better. Its a very positive outlook I suppose and perhaps my zen or Che as it was is going according to whatever grand plan that is.

The present really is based more on what I have done and what I plan today. Currently the weather sucks but its not bringing me down. I feel like everything is going according to plan and if I keep a steady head things will progress.

Now the future while honestly I feel I am far more sinister about it then I should be is probably the most complicated thing on my mind because so much has to be done and so much CAN be done. I want good things to happen…HELL WHO DOESN’T. I want to believe that if I keep myself in check like I have for the past few years everything will work out. My wants and my goals are of the highest priorities and really..at this point why shouldn’t they be. Life can be strange….

GEE this was random

Observation 26 (03/26/2011)
OHHHHHH SNAP ITS THE 26TH..and here I am writing observation 26!!

Anyway aside from all that silly shit things have been rather great lately. Got to go to a concert this week which I rarely get to do. Metal/industrial shows are always so funny to me because by the last band that plays the entire place smells of weed and everyone is all sweaty and what not. Good times being deaf for about 12 hours AFTER the show. Over all it was good times and I do look forward to doing it again in the future.

So tonight has been pretty busy. Well in terms of work its been over busy. I have been doing extra days for the past couple of weeks and I am hoping that the next couple of week will follow that same pattern. I need the extra money… Well not really need but WANT IT… it will help to pay for some extra expenses I plan on getting this month. All in fun I suppose and really I do amazes myself with how well I have managed my money and well everything in my life. Time and time again I find it amazing how much I have endured the past few years. I honestly didn’t think I could pull off any of what I have in terms of my own place, maintaining it, having a girlfriend, and so on..

I suppose getting older just makes you as a person deal with change as it comes. I am still finding this road to be a interesting one and still in the middle of walking it. TONS more still to do just need to get to that point

Observation 25 (03/10/2011)

So I RECENTLY posted a topic on violent video games and I don’t know if I ever wrote about this topic on here but I figured hell the thought is in mind so why not express myself a bit further on the topic. ITS A FUN TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY!

Said topic \/

Playing violent video games: Good or bad? | Psychology Today


My generation built the ESRB “Entertainment System Rating Board”. (Want more info click here http://www.esrb.org/index-js.jsp). The ESRB was created because we reached a level way back in the 16 bit days of video games that we could depict images of violence at such a level it was sort of shocking to parents. I say depict images because before the 16 bit age really violence wasn’t questioned. BLASTING AWAY AT PIXEL SPACE SHIPS just wasn’t violent enough or jump on turtle heads just didn’t raise the blood pressure of some parents to whatever level it did when say “Sub zero ripped the head off his opponent and held it high to a audience of cheering MONKS!) Keep in mind monks promote peace but why that worked..i will never know.

Now chances are if you have children you buy them video games and what I think the big issue is today is not that we have violent video games but that we have parents who don’t know how to be…well…PARENTS. If you buy your child a box of cupcakes..chances are the parent knows..ok this box needs to be monitored or my child will get sick from eating to much sugar and or it will make em fat. Common sense tells us this..and I say us because I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT, hell everyone from the north to the south and east and west KNOWS SUGAR ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU AT SUCH HIGH LEVELS..yet we deal with it and that is how it works.

Now if we come to video games the argument being said here is that parents are buying video games “which are forums of entertainment” for there children and not knowing WHATS INSIDE THE BOX. The ESRB created a method to tell parents WHATS INSIDE THE BOX..but because most parents are too lazy to freaking read the box these people in government are now debating on if the government should regulate it or not. Honestly the Government should do it in my point of view…however I don’t think they can do anything that the ESRB hasn’t already done. The government could perhaps put up black labels like they do with porn on the boxes and I suppose that will make the parents more aware but really the parents that are buying those kids the games with the violence and so on really aren’t paying attention anyway. I mean sure the government could also make it ILLEGAL to sell violent video games to children under the age of 18 but chances are kids are going to get them ANYWAY!..

With my job I sell smokes and alcohol..which is currently regulated by the government and the police and so on. For several years I have been doing this job and I can honestly tell you that some parents would really surprise you with how careless they are to the government. I know plenty of kids that smoke, drink and probably do worse and its all regulated stuff but THE PARENTS AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE KIDS!… Short of giving the death sentence to any parent who has a kid who smokes and is under 18 really…some parents just AREN’T UP FOR THE JOB THEY TOOK IRRESPONSIBLY..

I think the questions the should come to mind when having children should be…AM I READY FOR THIS?,Do I have the time and the resources to deal with raising my child or am I going to leave it to tv, mass media, and the internet to raise my child…


However we do come to the notes in life that say..well I did everything correct in terms of having a child and not and still mistakes happen and well..I had a kid… The next step ANYONE should ask is what to do to prepare for said children.

Violent media is about as common now as it was 200 years ago. We have always had works of art, music, and media that portrayed violence. Hell I can think of some books that are only now being Translated into VIDEO GAMES and these books have been around for YEARS!!! but no one had an issue with the children reading them…yet some how..tv makes that worse?..

Anyone who reads can tell you that books are always FAR BETTER then the medium they are portrayed at on tv or music..why? Because you get more from a book then you do from someone telling you the story. If you are a reader ..which I AM..” I KNOW IT DOESN’T SHOW FROM MY WRITING BUT HEAR ME OUT ANYWAY” you can come up with your own images of the characters, scenes and settings given which in my point of view is probably worse then watching it. But of course books have had the only really dark background that no one ever questioned…maybe its the media of books that make us violent… I mean really lets stop for a second here…and question something really fast…

MORTAL KOMBAT… DEPICTS violence, some partial nudity, Shows gods,monsters, and shows from the Media acts of horrific violence….its never started a war….

THE BIBLE…Depicts Violence,some partial nudity, talks of gods,monsters, and writes of media acts of horrific violence… TONS HAVE DIED FROM WARS of belief which are still currently underway…

Anyway..to end my point… You can’t blame media and what we expose to are children for Violence.. and you can’t say we aren’t doing enough.. Humans need to be entertained and as far back as year zero we have enjoyed watching Violence.. the thing that matters most is are children..and what matters most on the topic of children is how we as PEOPLE Raise them.. we live in a age of digital media… is it really far worse then the written media we had back then..or are people just now allowed to COMPLAIN LOUDER!…

raise your children don’t have others do it for you…

Observation 24 (03/06/2011)
Are we evolving? I often have to question this because my hope for humanity is really really slim at best. Also what is evolving?

The Definition


any process of formation or growth; development: the evolution of a language

If I take the definition to its word then we are all evolving in terms of age and what we knew from birth to the day we die. However if I take into terms what we do as people perhaps we aren’t evolving in terms of physical and mental states. True to forum most of are children today can do things older people have trouble doing like math, science and running computers but is that really evolution?

Years ago it was common for every man to know basic engineering. Building a home, fixing a car, PUMPING GAS AT A GAS STATION. Over time things changed and well some things have become so simplified that to even think of doing any thing manual tends to tire people out. I don’t know if we are evolving but I do know that common sense has become VERY RARE.

Everyone should know basic math,reading of some language or another, and the basic set of laws (Don’t steal,don’t be an ass) This is really common sense yet what I find amazing more and more is the lack of this vision. Has becoming digital really made us lazy and less intelligent?

GOD FORBID you ask someone to write you a readable letter these days. Some hand writing i find to be..well…sad…and really this is a every day thing but perhaps because of computers and the way we are going things are changing. I don’t think its evolution but perhaps a forum of expanding of what the human race has to offer…


Observation 23 (03/04/2011)
What is adapting? People tend to question what the limits of what they can and can not do are. Some people are born to live in cold weather areas, others are born for more hot weather. Some people require a fast pace life style to stay awake and get work done. Others would rather live in calm slow but thoughtful paced places that require time and perception to get things done.

So can people adapt is the question. Can a person who was born in a area of a slower life style survive in a area were things must be done by the second. I often wonder if that is what makes people on some levels who they are. That perhaps pace is built into each person which is why they choose to do the things they do. It might have a great deal even to do with a level of comfort. So is it really comfort that is what brings us to survive in life. Can a person take comfort in what they do and just dismiss it? Some people were made to drive, build houses, do math, read, and cook. Others were made with ideas of greatness they will and sometimes achieve based on timing and who they know. Some are very social and others are not.

I don’t think people can naturally adapt to different settings. The reason I think this way is because of what I have seen. Some people try all the time to be what they are not. All ways time after time it always catches up to them. True a person can grow up on a farm and want to work in a office but the fact is they have always wanted to work in that office and in the end that is what they are adapted too. Adaption is built from inside a person not outside. It does come from perception or so I believe. Some people are born to be leaders, others followers. Now that does not mean they will be leaders but it does mean that they have if the chances are presented the ability to do great things in that field.

Life is built into many sections so the question of if that person who was born to be a leader will be one is really based on experience and thus can make it almost impossible to measure that persons leadership commands or not. Yet people have been known to hold drive, commitment, and self awareness to get everything they want and to adapt to a life of peace and war.

Observation 22 (02/22/2011)
Today is one of those days were I work during the DAY. Yes its even odd for me to see the sun at work. Most people think I will burst into flames or something but whatever. Either way its one of those rare days and I feel like it will be a good one! Normally I work at night and I get asked all the time “why do you choose to work at night?”

I am really keen on routine. I like being able to come into work and knowing exactly what I need to do and having things set up to the point that I can time my actions. For example I come into work I know the paper work needs to be done first, coffee checked and the floor done if necessary. Things can be in order and done to a standard I enjoy and accomplish.

I find it hard to believe that people go to work and don’t know what need to be done after lets say three months! Seriously are you that brain dead that if after three months of doing the same thing you still don’t get it. I find it hard to believe yet common also. Perhaps common sense has changed to the point that we have all lowered are levels on what should be done and known and so on.

Maybe its lazy behavior rising but really things are getting bad from my point of view. People don’t know what they are doing with anything and if they do they are probably 3 times older then me and have learned from years of experience. I don’t know…this is a short one but really its bothered me. PEOPLE REALLY NEED TO WAKE THE F@#$ UP!

Observation 21 (02/18/2011)
So the start of the week or Monday to be more specific we had Valentines day! Lots of people believe its a made up holiday to make couples spend money and those who are single spend even more money on items to keep there mind occupied over the fact that they are SINGLE. I have always taken it as a point to think about Love.

What is love? Why do we fall? WHAT DEFINES love to people and to myself? Can it be measured or is it more complicated then something like the feeling of hate?

On an average week I will ask myself these questions at least once a week and wonder about my own emotional sets and ways. I don’t really have a clear answer and I don’t think I am supposed to have one either. I believe people should set standards both high and low. I believe people don’t need companionship but they want it. It fills a spot both physical and mental that can’t be filled any other way. Sure people have things they enjoy doing in life and some friends perhaps they feel comfortable with. Yet love goes far beyond that all. It becomes a feeling and a state of mind. A driver perhaps even to some and a willingness that without love you just don’t have.

Some people say its not real and that they have never felt it and really I would like to think that to be impossible but I know its not. Love can only be defined by your actions and with that some people spend every day being miserable, and so full of hate that really its very well possible to have never felt love. Now this feeling I think comes from a very early age. Parents set a very strong example of what love should be for the children they raise. For some parents it doesn’t work out and this sets different things in motion for the children. Some children will never want to be like there parents so it goes down a different route then those that live by almost every word given to them. Others it can be very complicated for..and really that’s just life in general.

My parents are by far the best and most interesting example of love. Everything my mother and father have I hope one day to have in terms of love. Its what I build my own emotional states on in fact. I have never really broken up with any of my girlfriends. I have always been loyal and even when things got bad I always knew I should at least talk over the issues. True the moments have come and gone when I wanted to do some very irrational things to happen to some of my ex’s but really that’s why they are ex’s because the relationship didn’t work out.

I am the type of person that tries everything as he learns it. So I will never say I KNOW EVERYTHING but I do know that the past 15 or so years I have learned a great many things about myself while being involved with women. I believe that males need to define themselves by the actions they present to those who they are close to even family members do have a BIG influence on love. My family is very close even from far distances. We always keep track of one another and while the relationships are in some cases long distance the fact remains that no matter what should happen one family member should be able to rely on another. Respect should always be granted.

So when I enter a relationship I become very open which I have learned is both good and bad. Sometimes it can be to much and I learn to REGRET that or sometimes it can be to little and I find ways to sort that out. Either way when love does grab me ….good god it feels good. I have become very very very specific about what I want in love and I think my emotions have become very in tune with that. Its not something I choose to do but wanting to do it makes it work. Emotionally a person can’t control who they love but if that love is to become anything that becomes the decision they must make. So far the relationship I am in now has lasted well over a year and I think its workout pretty damn good. FOR SURE better then any of my past relations..

What a chaotic place love brings us.

Observation 20 (02/07/2011)
So what is Social behavior based upon? My job has a great deal of insight to it as to how people react in the common every day world. Who we are at night and who we are during the day can most of the time become two different point of views on behavior,social standings, and Emotional content.

Behavior from what I can tell really depends on who is with who and can be the sum of Social standings. A person as a individual can walk into a store, Sober and ready to buy food. They will come in make the selections of what they need pay for it and leave “Good consumer”! That same person may come in after lets say 6 drinks of Alcohol feel perhaps a bit to relaxed about the situation select a few items and NOT pay for it because they feel nothing bad will happen “Bad Consumer”! Now of course this can be flipped both ways and really I don’t think it has so much to do with if they are sober or not but more so to do with if they are CONFIDENT.

Confidence I think is the key to what people do and do not do. Ego’s help and really hurt for the most part based on what people think. Everyone even those with No Confidence feel they are the center of the world. Its not that they are brought up to be that way its that Life in general always places you “as a person” to be mind full of the events of your life. No matter how much schooling or the number of jobs you have your going to always believe that what your doing is only effecting yourself.

Take the second example I will explain here. A group of three of four people walk into a store. That group even if the people are not of average body height and weight they are going to feel more confidence being in a social group of people they can trust then a single person with no one around them who is of higher body weight and height. They are being social and feel protected so the confidence they have levels out with not just how they feel but how the group feels.

Teachers tend to run into this as a problem they have to solve with a class. The children are many the teacher is one so even the best behaved children will from time to time be sneaky little devils with whatever the situation raises because the confidence is built up and the more human side of it shows. I say the more human side because being social is a chemical thing people want to feel. Everyone wants to be accepted even if they say they don’t a part of them will feel a want to progress on some level of confidence.

Without that confidence we become depressed and most of the time the mind becomes Sick with ideas that are to put lightly anti social. Being anti social isn’t bad but its not something a person should do in large moderation because chemically the mind can’t accept it.

So the question remains why do people do the things they do? Is it because they are confident and ready to deal with the questions that they have in front of them or are they depressed and need to steal and try to find ways to deal outside the box.

Its just really something to think about I guess..hmmmm

Observation 019 (02/14/2011)
So the first month of the year has come and gone we are now into the first week of February. The weather is exactly what I thought it would be and living in New York I am grateful for it. Anyone who knows me knows I love the winter weather. Its much easier to layer yourself in clothing and keep warm then to be hot as hell and have all your clothing off and still BE HOT AS HELL.

Sorry to whomever live in hotter weather climates but I honestly can’t stand anything over 75. Being born and raised most of my life in Brooklyn, NY I love the weather change. Now if we have at the current moment 10 degree weather here in Greenwood Lake,NY I of course feel at home. True the snow is a obstacle to try to get past but its not so bad for me because I walk every place I need to get to anyway. Some people have to dig out cars and do all that winter weather stuff and to them I can understand why they hate hate hate the winter weather but I suppose that’s just the situation for most North Eastern Americans living in this fine state of New York.

What else does this mean to me? Well working at night it means that people of this town don’t come out as much. Mostly because people are working and in school but partly because the temp drops at least 5 degrees at night. The past few weeks its been at least 10 – 15 degrees at night. So yes even if your drunk you still have the sense to stay out of the cold.. or some do. It also means I have plenty of time to set up the store for the morning and insure that everything that wasn’t done GETS DONE.

Its a job and it pays and so far I am enjoying it. True so many people come and ask me. Don’t you want to work with people. Fact is the interactions I have with people during this shift or any really aren’t that great and really I would rather be working on cleaning, store maintenance, and well by myself. Its simply the way I enjoy things. Some people like to work with others..Others like to work by themselves.

Either way its now the start of the second month of the year 2011 and I am going to start doing things a bit different. STRUCTURE is key to building a better life I believe so I will start to keep things a bit more structured. Need to buy a new planner and then…life will become more organized.

Even with organization chaos still finds its way and sometimes that’s not so bad.

Observation 018 (01/23/2011)
The Rule of Three (also Three-fold Law or Law of Return) is a religious tenet held by some Wiccans. It states that whatever energy a person puts out into the world, be it positive or negative, will be returned to that person three times. Some subscribe to a variant of this law in which return is not necessarily threefold.


Tonight I start with a conversation about FATE. I am a firm believer in fate and how things in life are destine to happen. Both good and bad we will all come to whatever roads we need be and while it is in are human nature to torture ourselves with questions of WHAT IF. we tend to continue to mold are futures with whatever actions come from the past and present. Karma perhaps is one of the best words I like using to make clear on what I am talking about here.

If a person does very well on a school test then chances are they will be presented with opportunity to do more in that subject. They will have the know how to do the work coming to them rather then fall behind on work they don’t understand. That’s simply how the system works. Most business work the same way. You do more for them they stay open and in the long run advance in some manor or forum. Does it benefit the person doing the work? Not always YET does it benefit the team and the customers coming in or whoever? Yes of course with a positive more productive term of work people gain more from it even if the person not doing the work SINGLE HANDED does.

Now we could reverse this and say if a person does NO WORK then nothing is gained. However this is not true because in doing no work those that could have benefit from it don’t gain anything either hence losing time and resources which could lead to lower productivity. Having lower productivity is a problem because the amount of work needing to be done is always constant. Which means if a person does no work it actually harms society as a whole.

Now coming back to said topic the question of Karma which basically says whatever I do in life both positive and negative will be reflected to me in the future but based on the action of any given moment. If I give someone 3 dollars chances are I will make back 6 IF given to a positive subject. If given to a negative subject chances are I will not only lose the 3 dollars but the person I have given said 3 dollars too will now know I have money and want to ask for more. Which in turn causes stress, a lack of common sense, and another problem to solve making it both good and bad. DRAMA IS ALWAYS BAD..AND I DO MY BEST TO AVOID it.

So over all the question of the three fold law works for just about everything I do.It makes sense to me and I can’t say it hasn’t work so far.

Observation 017 (12/17/2010)
Sunday nights tend to be over all dead in terms of sales and communication with the people till about 4am. 4am start the standard rush of the morning to a normal work week set. People will come in groups for coffee, smokes, and the news paper pending it shows up on time. On average we need 5 large pots of normal “Farm house” coffee to just keep up with the rush after 4am…till about 10am..then it might if we are lucky slow down a bit but still the work needs to continue with stock and so on.

Anyway during this time it gives me time to reflect a bit on the week past and what has been done.This week I have to go get my second shot from last weeks first shot of my MMR. Yes after months of driving myself crazy over these shots I got lucky last Tuesday and managed to get the shot for free. It was a shock even to myself that after months of trying to get this medical stuff together all I would have to do is show up on the day of orientation and get the shot. I was both pissed off and over joyed because here I am stressing and here the answer is without ANY NOTICE or anything. It was really blind luck. So with that problem solved I now have better direction at what I plan to do.

Either way this week went by fairly slow I will say and really the one thing that keeps coming to mind as far as my observations go is people and the general state of mind they put themselves in.

I CAN NOT COMPREHEND why people do it. People steal and smile right to my face as if they are doing me a favor with being a generalized asshole with there actions. Now don’t get me wrong I know why people do it and to some people I tip my hat with the respect you show me but others… MY GOD ARE YOU REALLY BORN THAT DUMB!!

Once not long ago my brother came to visit me at my job. He was here for a good 10 mints maybe less then that and he couldn’t help but laugh because of how RETARDED people can be. Its not that he didn’t know they were this dumb its that seeing it makes a person really want to be like….REALLY…ARE YOU REALLY DOING THAT!!…..COME ON….

I don’t know either way my mind has kinda gone on me now..but I will leave with this…

Get a Education and learn some common sense…

Observation 016 (01/05/2010)
Alright so first of all I haven’t been sick like this since I want to say I was the age of 15..Maybe 11. I have a fever, a annoying cough, all my joints hurt, and I have been in bed a good 99% of the day. 1% I am in the bathroom for…well..yea

Having not been sick for so long this is kinda a reminder to me that I need to watch myself. Mortality always comes to mind when a person is sick. Questions pop into the mind. “How sick am I? Will I get others sick? What can I do to feel better? How much more of this do I have to take?”

Being Miserable and sick are kinda a combo on the body. Everything hurts and everything in the world even the funny stuff doesn’t seem so great. I honestly am thinking more about tomorrow and if I will be going to work or not. Honestly I believe I am but who knows at this point.

Advil and Musinx are god send pills. So far if I maintain the pills I am able to do things. Which really I haven’t done anything all day but rest drink juice and maintain my wellness. My mother brought me juice to drink because she is a sweet heart. Megan has been timing my pills, cooking me good food “Which I can eat at the moment” and basically comforting me to her best ability. Really this is something I feel extremely gifted to have. Most people don’t have people like that in there life’s. So with that I go to lay down again and hope that this will not last much longer.

Observation 015….2010…..(12/31/2010)
So here we are again at the end of another year. Every New Years feels so depressing no matter what year it is. Chances are your going to do a great deal of reflecting today and even if the year had so many great things happen your still going to think about most of the horrible things anyway. I was half expecting this Observation to be rather long but at this point I don’t think I have the energy or really will power to write that much at the moment. I might write again tonight but anyway moving on with the topic.

Every year things change in both small and big ways. People come and go both in moving to different locations that can be reached and some in locations that can’t. One of the biggest changes that happened to me this year was the fact that I got my own place. With both rent and responsibility life did see its progression for me as it always does but when I think back to it I do really live a very charmed life. I try my best to appreciate all the good things I have and I hope to maintain better awareness for the coming year.

I say Awareness because well lets face it I am human and no matter how many promises I make at the start of the year my awareness of if I will keep those promises will be dependent on what my focus is for the rest of the coming months. Basically I can say right now ” I will work out more this year, do my best to keep everyone happy and Save lots of money”. Really it doesn’t mean I will because by saying something like that I am trying to draw lines that chances are will be broken. However I can say that so far I am leaning towards attempting those drawn lines.

For all I know 2012 could be the last year of everyone’s life and really it makes me think about something I had not thought of really until recently. Everyone should act as if this 2011 coming is the last year we will have left on this planet. Why?..Because I promise you that when this time comings next year you will feel fulfilled with everything you have done.

So back to 2010.. Do I feel fulfilled with everything that has happened. Yes I do actually but only because I have really pushed myself this year. Sure things may not have gone according to plan but I have done far more this year then I ever expected to do and all it took was pushing my mind and my body to places I didn’t think I could. Digging deep into what I felt was right and saying F@#K IT I am going to try and if I fail then well its going to lead me some place anyway and if that place be bright or dark it will be some place I have yet to be.

So with all that I am not going to say I will be a better person in the coming year but that I will be a person with goals I hope to set because being human and alive requires that you have HOPE..and that you do even if you don’t think about it now.. you do feel that something better is on the way.


There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves…

John Conner…2018

Observation 014 (12/20/2010)
The Holidays are always a interesting time of the year.People seem to obsess over getting whom what and why? This year I have no clue what I want and no clue why. I would say gift cards fit that idea pretty well because with one a person can choose later what they want. This is the first year I have everything I could ever want even the tiny things. Video games, Books, Music and movies all complete this year. Well anything that has been released to date anyway plus I have finished all the shopping I can think of right now. So everyone who I wanted to get GOT done…and anyone missing will have to wait till later this year. Money has been a issue but not a big issue really. I have kept up with my bills to perfection and really the only issue I am having is the side things which the Holidays seem to be.

Holidays are what I figured I would write about right now. People seem to feel some serious pressure during the month of December to save money for whomever. Yet if whomever asked for lets say money for gas during the month of January chances are the person would come up with an excuse. I still can’t comprehend why people come up with excuses when really most people… OK…well most people I guess don’t want the truth but still the truth is more blunt and does improve the lifestyles of those who accept it. So why do the people feel that “Hint” of giving and kindness?

It could be the media’s influence as I so often hear from people. Christmas THE TV’S FAULT!!…Fact is it is a religious holiday as those same people know but elements from it correspond with the points of gifts and Santa and so on. So people go shopping for “Friends” and people basically do what they can for other people ONE TIME A YEAR.


Yet it is normal also for people to do this every single year. It also kinda contradicts what the whole holiday season is based upon. Giving and not Receiving because its the kind thing to do as a HUMAN. This should be a all year round thing not something we start to plan to do after Halloween. I am not going to say I am better then anyone or anything but I will say that if someone came knocking on my door who I did not know. I would give the time to get to know them BASED ON appearance and the offer of what I could do for them with my abilities.

So lets try a example..If a man wearing a business suit came to the door and said he would like to talk to me about his life chances are I would let him in my home and we would talk. I would be very nervous and I would probably be asking myself over and over why is this guy coming to me WHILE HOLDING MY CELL WITH the numbers 911 ready to go if I felt something wasn’t going the way I wanted it too. Lets face it if its the first time you are going to talk to me my comfort is the most important thing NOT YOURS. I am a open minded person and really I don’t care if your RICH, black, white, dead, a zombie or a cat. I care mostly about how you interacting with me and what you have to say.

So this again goes back to the Holidays where we are told GIVE to those who need. Be kind to your friends and show them you care……DO THIS NOW…NOT ALL YEAR..BUT NOW….

I personally think all year should be done…NOW IS GREAT…but All year would probably improve the world….or….would it?

Observation 013 (12/19/2010)
Shopping is a experience. It is also the equalization of what most modern people can title Adventures.

By definition the word “Adventure” means..


an exciting or very unusual experience.


participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.


a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.


a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.

5. Obsolete .

So as I was saying Shopping is most likely how the modern day people have Adventures. Today my Mother and I went shopping. We left on said Adventure at about 1030am and didn’t get to finish till about 3 or 4. I say about 3 or 4 because by the time we were done I was SUPER tired and can’t really remember what time it was. I picked up what I needed and she did as well.

Now the shopping part is pretty simple to understand. Most people make lists and then go out and pick up whatever. However the “Adventure part” is far more interesting because you don’t really comprehend until your done with everything what you have done to do the shopping. For example before even thinking about going shopping several things will jump to mind. Weather, what you will wear, how much energy you feel you have, and how much money you have to spend are all the first four things that will jump to your mind right away.

Weather… If its good chances are that will up your willingness to go. which will also effect what you wear that day. Depending on the effort of work needed to deal with a rainy day will probably also effect your willingness to go out. This is mostly what comes to mind when people wake up in all actuality because based on those four questions you will either come to do or don’t do specific tasks you either know or DON’T KNOW you need to do that day.

During the winter time shopping becomes more of a Modern Day Adventure also because you need to prep yourself BEFORE EVEN LEAVING THE HOUSE. boots, socks, underwear,layers or no layers, umbrellas, scarfs, gloves, etc…all come to mind and in most cases people are just to tired to deal with it all and will give up on just the thought of leaving the house because of the amount of effort needed to just get OUT THE DOOR. Not a big deal but chances are if you eat before even planning your day. You will most likely end up doing something active even if you do stay home.

Now once a person does get out of the house they need to get to the destination. More questions come to mind.. Can I walk to said destination, will I drive, how much gas is needed if I do drive, If I take the bus how much will it cost, Is my MP3 Player charged “this is A FAR MORE MODERN QUESTION TO BE ASKED AND HAS BEEN THE MORE RECENTLY ADDED QUESTION…YAY FOR THE 2000’S.” and again should I really do this today?

Once you do choose to go out you then have to deal with the problems that come with the ADVENTURE side of things. Driving, dealing with the products, dealing with the customers around you and dealing with the advertisements.

Some people say more work actually goes into shopping then the work it takes to get the money to GO Shopping. Sometimes.. I must wonder if its true.

Observation 012 (12/13/2010)
Obsessions drive us to be what we are. In some cases obsessions can even be the reason we wake up in the morning. Some people obsess over work, others obsess over fashion. If its an active thing in life chances are a person can obsess over it. Things like cleaning, Cooking, TV, Taxes, and whatever. Some people say obsessions aren’t healthy because they lead to push people over the edge of normality. Others say obsession can be Extremely good for the soul like obsessing over religion and work.

Goals are achieved and things get done beyond that of comprehension threw a person’s obsessed mind. If the world was full of people who were obsessed with Technology chances are we would all be living life’s in computers. The same can be said about sports. If the world was obsessed with sports we would all be body builders and active on whatever health and medication discoveries we could find. Yet the world is diverse so people in general obsess over EVERYTHING.

I myself have obsessions both good and bad. I obsess over time so I am almost never late unless something happens out of my control. I obsess with money so I know what my limits are and what bills need to be paid. I obsess with my job so that I do the best I can at it and whatever I miss I am sure someone will tell me “Blank” needs to be corrected and so I correct it. School I am going to drive myself to be obsessed with so that I go in get what needs to be done FINISHED..and get out. Most cases it comes down to will power as a person also. People tend to want to be obsessed with the right things but question how they can do it and how they can gain enough interest in whatever so that they can accomplish whatever goal that need be done.

I see people all the time obsess over the wrong things yet question how they can improve those obsessions. Like smoking or drinking or both. People always say “Don’t smoke it becomes a expensive obsession. Can I have a pack of this or that.” It makes me laugh because how can a person say not to do something then DO IT. Sounds kinda silly but I understand the feeling of wanting better for your fellow man/woman. People never put the shoes on the feet of themselves without putting them on others first. That is simply how people are programed. Some more then others and others less then some but at times it does happen.

I myself know that as time goes on nothing stays the same so my obsessions must adapt with the time. However some things I do like to keep and drag along with me such as my love for my family, ICE CREAM, video games, reading. I guess really obsessions can be questioned but can they ever truly be broken?

Observation 011 (12/02/2010)
Alright so right now I am sitting in a hotel room near Rockefeller Center. in Manhattan. My cousin Chris whom I met up with yesterday to take advantage of his visit to this lovely city is now sleeping…well kinda…

I unfortunately due to my sleeping habits slept for about 4 hours and then got up ready to take on the world. At 930am I will be on the bus return me home where I will then sleep again and get ready for work for tonight. THE START OF MY WORK WEEK.

Yesterday I had a very good time with Megan and Chris..however not at the same time. Megan left with me early yesterday morning to come to the city to meet Chris. However because of the weather and well being Ill prepared for the situation which really I should have thought it threw before hand. Megan had to leave early but not before having a good time with me and well making the best of everything. I later met up with my Cousin sooner then I expected and we went about the city visiting the Nintendo store, the Xmas tree, and a pizza shop. Who knows what we will do this morning but over all its good times.

One of the things I found so interesting about this city is that everyone keeps to themselves. UNLESS..they are trying to sell you something..then they have no problem talking to you for hours about said item they are trying to sell. Kinda sad but true that this is how Manhattan works. You would think in a place where at any given moment you can see at least 20 people on one block SOMEONE would have something to say. Yet they don’t..they keep to themselves and I have to really wonder what the hell is the point of all this internet social networking if your not even going to SOCIAL NETWORK OUTSIDE.

Me personally I hate this stupid facebook program and the only reason I have one is to write these notes and keep tabs with friends and family. Its really done no good other then that..

Maybe it should be called INTERNAL SOCIAL NETWORKING..because chances are the people you meet on this thing you already know or just want to keep tabs on…how bizarre..

Its also a very fast moving city so perhaps that’s why no one stops to talk … they simply have to much to get too.

Observation 010…wow 10 (11/29/2010)
Ok well I wasn’t sure I would continue doing these stupid observations but I am now on 10 and well that’s a good thing I guess. Any way today is going to be one of those long days for me. Of course I work this morning but at around 9am I will be taking a bus into Warwick, NY to get some papers signed for school. From Warwick,NY I will be going to the City to hand those papers in and see my cousin Chris. Hopefully during the bus ride I will be given enough time to pass out and make up for some of the lack of sleep I will probably be having tonight. Chances are I will be up for more then 24 hours but who knows right?

I really am hoping that everything goes according to plan and that this day doesn’t end in disappointment.

So Monday morning is here again and well its your typical Monday. People wake up, come here for coffee, and go to work. Normally its the same people and my bosses and managers and so on show up at around 5am. Everything is long past done with the store and stocked as best as can be. Really its become so routine I really do surprise myself with how effective things have become. Not much to complain about now but I will likely post more later today.


Observation 009 (11/28/2010)
Today is one of those days that I made the chose to work from 7pm till 630 am. Its now 2:13am and I am still working.Everything is clean and what not so I figure I take a couple moments just to get my mind straight. Saturday Nights during the summer are normally very busy. Winter time not so much..busier then normal and we do make a good profit at night but not bad enough for me to take 5 mints to myself on and off.

Right now my mind is very focused on school and I feel very very discouraged by the amount of BS i am being brought threw by just TRYING TO SIGN UP.

So here is what has happened. Two weeks ago I went into the city with my medical papers only to be told that my MMR needs a second date. This was last Tuesday…or the Tuesday before that.. that I went into the city with Megan and was told this information. I said ok ..they gave me the forum I needed and I went on my way. I called the doctor and gave my phone number and told them I need to talk to the doctor about getting this forum signed and brought back. I had plans on doing this on MONDAY.. Saddly the doctor hasn’t called me back and Monday is approaching and still the paper isn’t signed.

Now I am in debate on if this doctor is going to call me Monday. Tell me to bring the paper to him that same day..and then Go into the city to hand it in. I am willing to do it JUST TO GET THIS ALL DONE WITH..However I can’t help but feel really discouraged by the amount of time and effort I have already put into this school and how much time and effort they keep wasting on excuses and so on.

Its extremely discouraging and really I would probably feel better about all of this if things actually went according to plan. People make plans every day and they normally go pretty well. Any time I make plans they always get hitched up by something. NOT because the plans are bad but because SOMETHING…always has to go wrong. Something unseen or unexpected happens. My medical records which state on them that I DID take the MMR when I was like 1 years old..LETS ME GO TO SCHOOL…HOWEVER..college doesn’t accept it because of something someone did… 27 YEARS AGO!!…

Its tiring.. I am really really tired of having to go back and forth with this school stuff. None of this is my fault either..like I said everything that has stopped me has been out of my control and when I try to get it in control things get hitched and I am forced to WAIT or…just get discouraged..

Monday I am going to deal with this problem. Even if I have to go to the doctors and FORCE THEM to sign the damned paper.. I am tired of having to wait on this crap already. Yet again knowing my luck the school will get the papers and Something else will go wrong…

But if that’s the case maybe all this effort means something? Perhaps when all is said and done something really really good will come of it? I don’t know but one can hope I suppose.

Observation 008 (11/23/2010)
Ok so its another night of four hour sleep..YAY :(.. I don’t know why I can’t sleep more then four hours at a time but I really wish it would stop. Right now I am kinda getting ready for a morning full of a short laundry trip and perhaps a few important phone calls to whomever about whatever. I passed out around 1 am ish.. woke up at like 430-5am and just haven’t been able to pass back out.

Before said sleep happened I was watching netflix more specifically “South Park”. I freaking hate south park but for whatever the reason I needed something to watch and well it was a option. God knows why but I ended up watching like 4 or 5 episodes and honestly I just don’t know how this show lasted for 12 seasons and I think its still being aired. Now I understand the concept of the cartoon being this crude humor politics and social topic way of entertaining people. Some of the jokes are pretty funny and really over all it has a very addictive feel to it the damned show but my god some of the time I can feel my brain cells slowly leaving my head just from watching it for more then 2 seconds.

When I was in Junior high and High school everyone seemed to think it was the greatest show since the Simpsons but honestly I think it was mostly cause most the people “Epically in high school” were well….HIGH.. I am all for High humor when its funny but good god…ok I will not make this a bashing of a cartoon I simply don’t understand and have no interest in…no no no …

Again like I said when I started this my mind is kinda all over the place right now. I simply can’t focus on one thing to think about and this lack of sleep probably isn’t help me any. wow when this place gets dark..it gets really dark……

….kinda creepy…..

the dark….


Observation 007 (11/27/2010)
Definition of SINISTER


archaic : unfavorable, unlucky


archaic : fraudulent


: singularly evil or productive of evil


a : of, relating to, or situated to the left or on the left side of something; especially : being or relating to the side of a heraldic shield at the left of the person bearing it b : of ill omen by reason of being on the left

So why would I start this observation with a definition of sinister. Well its important that you “the read” understands what I mean when I say the word. I personally do not believe people are naturally born to be sinister. I believe it has a great deal to do with how they are raised and who they interact with. I have seen with my own eyes people grow up to be angels in situations were being sinister was probably what they should have been or was tagged to be.

Now another thing about the word is I like using it to describe people. I don’t think people are bad, or good naturally born either. Good and bad are words better to be used for your taste in food and music not in the behavior of people. Why? Because saying a person is bad is pretty much saying you understand all said person has done in the past and you give yourself a high platform of being to judge. Of course we all judge but I once again personally like to give people a bit more thought then they probably deserve. Hell that statement alone says much about my point of view of judgment to start with.

Anyway people are not naturally sinister. I believe it has a great deal to do with who they interact with and how they are raised. Parents hold a very important role in the foundation of any growing child, teenager, and adult. From day one you are taught to speak, walk, eat and so on. PARENTS set up that foundation and if done correctly and MONITORED correctly a person can grow up to be “less Sinister” then most people are in the world.

This whole idea of a perfect world where people don’t steal, or do anything sinister is just oblivious to me. People need things to go wrong so that they feel they have goals to accomplish. If everything went right people would look for something to do just to pass the time and thus create a steady flow of actions to make life meaningful.

My job now requires me to serve people and CORRECT the actions to keep everything steady. Without my place or anyone’s place doing this job. Nothing would be corrected and the flow would simply become unbearable. Everything would fail. Now how much of a impact that would have on the world I can’t say but having meaning must be equivalent to something important…right?

Observation 006 (11/16/2010)
Its been a couple of days since I have written so I figured before passing out I will write a bit about today. Oddly enough I passed out yesterday at 6pm and didn’t wake up until about 6am this morning. That almost never happens to me. Normally I sleep for 4 hours and then wake up to do whatever.. Either way I worked today from 2-9 and have to go into the city tomorrow which right now I am kinda looking forward to. I miss my city and honestly any chance I get to go back is normally a pleasant trip.

Its changed so much over the years but all and all the feeling is still that of a warm home to me. I don’t think I would be the person I am today if I was raised any place else. Either way that’s tomorrow and today like I said I worked. I normally don’t work during the day but hey I take whatever hours I can get. Today was one of those days that started out REALLY depressing but then slowly the more I reflected on everything the more I realized that threw pain you gain strength. This year much pain has been brought to my attention with the passing of so many people in my life. Yet with it I think about all that I have now and all that I need to progress in life. The gift of time is in my hand right now. I must use it well and accomplish all that I can while I have it.

I can only hope that things progress in my life. Faith in myself is all I need. Help from others is a gift and not many people appreciate how important that is.

Observation 005 (11/13/2010)
Today was one of those days that went by rather fast. I wasn’t feeling so great and I probably should have done my laundry but I didn’t. Instead I slept most of the day away due to a really bad head ach and over all just not feeling so great. So I spent most of the day in bed. I believe I got up to make some food once and that was about it. Woke up at 930pm to get ready for work and now here I am doing as I am supposed to be doing.

Friday Nights are normally very very busy. People tend to go out on the days they have off of work and school and so Friday nights can be rather hectic. However due to the recent weather change not to many people have been coming out. Its been 30 degrees recently at night so not to many people freezing themselves for “Recreation”.

I enjoy my silent nights and more so I take this time to think over the events that will be coming shortly in the weeks to pass. Thanks giving is around the corner, followed by Christmas and New years to follow. I still find it hard to believe how quickly this year has gone by but with all the changes and events that have accord in both my life and well life in general. Things seem to be progressively moving along for everyone.

Tonight I find myself at ends with a few things. Mostly the thought of whats next to happen? The more I attempt to plan the more complicated the situations I have to get past get. I have filled out the follow up papers for college and right now am just waiting for January 28th to show up. That will be the date I start school…FINALLY.

I still need to set up my life and so on with work and with school. Once all that is done everything else should be progressive on its own I find it very interesting that its take me this long to get to college and to even have a goal set for myself on what I want to do with my life. However I am happy I took my time with it all. I do know if I had rushed into school before this year I probably would have made many mistakes and it would have cost me money I DON’T HAVE. This way i leave the Damage of owing school and whatever at a minimum. Minimum and money go together very well and I rather like to keep it that way.

I have always been rather smart with my money. True I have made some mistakes and I am still pay for most of em but with each effort I find myself learning in the long run and that in itself is progress. I know better now and I believe that by setting standards for how I use my money and how I plan to get by everything will eventually turn out just Perfect..or close to it.

See I am the kinda guy who accept it when a pink panda bear comes walking into my store and wants to buy a pack a Newports or When some carnies come into the store and buy half the store but leave the other half a mess. I accept it because at this point in my life its all about the experience rather then the seriousness to the situation. True the pink panda is kinda pushing it but over all how many people can say they have dealt with such things in life. I have stories and I tell stories about things I have done so that I can look back and laugh about how silly it was and or is.

The Past 27 years have been a blessing and I know the next 27 will be as well..As a person you have to be capable of accepting that everything you do will have a effect on everything you are about to do.

Observation 004 (11/11/2010)
You know that feeling that most people get on Sunday’s before you have to go to work or school? That feeling of “oh goodness I have to be responsible now. I hope I can do all the things I already know I can do!”.. Well I normally get that feeling on Thursday Morning. My work week starts on Thursday Night so while most people are excited about Friday I kinda dread it.

Well dread isn’t exactly the word best used to describe it but it is the start of a work week and while I do enjoy my job enough to appreciate all that I have from work and that it’s not a horrible job I believe its just a mature feeling to have.

Like I have said in the past my job is very routine y and really to some this is a very good thing. I love that it is the way it is cause I am not really type of person to endure change very quickly. I am very to my own pace with everything I do. I wouldn’t say slow but I like to be accurate in what I do. If I know all the rules and all the sets for what has to be done I feel more comfortable doing it that way. I do my best to set times for myself so that my body and mind can both work correctly.

On most days I will come home from work at 630am stay up for a little bit “Check e-mail, call mom (sometimes), mess with some games for a few moments” Then I will pass out for about 4 hours give or take. Wake up do a few things that need to be done and then around 5 or 6 pass out again for 4 hours till about 930pm. I take my shower and do what not then off to work I go at around 1030pm. Get to work a few moments before and start to do whatever needs be done.

Its a simple enough lifestyle and I enjoy it. I wish I could incorporate some exercise into this set but each and every time I do it usually only last a few weeks and then..well..like so many things it changes. I am sure that once things are a bit less chaotic I will be able to incorporate more but for now I am happy with how things are.

Tonight is one of those nights where I didn’t get so much sleep. I am not really sleepy yet but I know later on tonight I will be. Personally I hate drinking coffee but more often then not nights like these will require it. If not Mountain dew which really I can’t stand the taste of anymore. I am kinda odd like that.. If I have to repeatedly eat something or drink something for that matter over and over in a small period of time I start to dislike it.

Living in Wisconsin with a women who only ate turkey products kinda drove me away from turkey for awhile. So really I try to avoid it now at all cost. However of recently I don’t mind it so much seeing as how that was YEARS ago at this point. Almost 2 I believe…damn…time does fly

Observation 003 (11/10/2010)
Today I went to a good friend of mine’s mothers wake. I have not been to a wake before and this being a first I didn’t really know what to expect. I have been to several funerals in the past years but wakes never really appealed to me as events I would want to attend cause I figured they would be to depressing. However what I came to learn is that it wasn’t as depressing as I thought it would be. It was more so a refection on the good things that happened to said person. Past photos and stories about the person who passed were being told and I found myself questioning not only myself but those around me what type of life’s they had and or were leading to have.

I am guessing that was the point. It was supposed to make me question how good I was to the person who passed and how that person changed my life in any little way or big way for that matter. My friend James was the first person to really approach me when I started school in Tuxedo several years ago. He is probably one of the most honest humble and kind people I know and have met in my life. His mother whom was the one that passed was also extremely humble and welcoming every time I visited and or came over his house.

Honestly the idea that a person can pass still I don’t think has not hit me yet. Yet I suppose in life it always does take time to realize these things. Everything in life does change as each day passes and I must question what for?

Observation 2a (11/8/2010)
So today I was supposed to go to the city. The weather sucked, I started to feel kinda sick and well I didn’t go. Instead I stayed home with my girlfriend and slept most of the day. I did however manage to pull myself out of bed to check the mail at the post office. While out I ran into my sister which was unexpected and nice as well. However it got me to thinking about how small this town is.

Living in Brooklyn things like that almost never happen. You see someone for a second and unless you know that person previously chances are you will not see them again. It might have to do with the range of how big the area is or maybe because of timing but either way. Just something I thought about.

Anyway I have been a Gamer for as long back as I can remember walking. I have been playing video games like Super Mario, Zelda, Mortal Kombat, Resident evil, and so on for a very long time. I think its perhaps the only addiction I actually have short of my want for Ice cream and candy. I AM BIG ON SUGAR..but not as much as I was when I was younger. Damn metabolism slowing down..

So yea I went and played my Playstation 3 and noticed that while playing an online game with some random guy that being cooperative without being able to talk to a person is really HARD. Its like having to assume that the person is better or worse then you and expecting them to make the right move so that the game can progress. I think its the only thing a person can do to get that feeling. Most sports you can talk to your partners and plan a set way of doing things. Most jobs you can do the same as well. Only in the video game world can you actually participate in a social event without it actually being social. Hell even computer games you can type messages to people and really I think its super strange that we as people in the time now can do such a thing. I am probably over thinking this but either way its something that popped in my head and I figured I would write about it.

Damn I could go for some jelly donuts now….

Observation 002 (11/8/2010)
On any given Sunday this town I live in dies. I mean of course dies as in it goes completely silent from the hours of about 11pm till about 4am. You could probably film a Zombie movie right now and no body would really notice what was going on during these hours..

(Thinks maybe that’s not a bad idea)

The only people coming out tonight are the people who don’t have work in the morning “which most do” and those who are again “Doing recreational things”. During these hours I am given a good amount of time to do everything that the weekend crew may have missed from the extremely busy weekends we tend to have. Most of the work being done by me is routine (make coffee,clean the store up, throw the old papers out/count them, check the garbage, check the bathrooms, clean the cooler, reset the gas pumps,dust if I can and check the little details that need to be checked.) By the time most of this is done its 2am…around give or take 3am the bread shows up and I butter the hell out of all that stuff so that the morning commuters have butter for the bread stuff they LOVE…

Again its basically routine at this point. The same people come in every Monday morning/Sunday Night and get the same things EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

Its almost scary how I can time the number of people in this town. Really the only thing that would mess up that timing is either said person is unemployed or they moved out of town. Yet I find it very interesting how people require the same set up’s every day without even knowing it.

What makes this job particularly great is the number of Alcoholics I have to help each and every night. Now this town has two bars in it plus a few restaurants that normally stay open to if or around between 12am till 4 am depending on the crowed and day of the week.

In a small town I suppose it is essential that a place like my job stays up 24 hours a day so that whatever happens to the people living here they know they can get basic needs at any time..

Observations 001(11/7/2010)
I have worked at a gas station for almost 4 years on and off. A good part of that time my shift consisted of coming into work at 10:30pm and leaving at 630am. Most people are sleeping and those that are not are off of work doing something recreational. I say recreational because the chances of it being something different from person to person is high and they are probably doing it because the said person/persons either can’t sleep or are enjoying whatever far more then they should be much like a sport “recreational”. Most people who come to my job are very happy/CRAZY or very sad/Angry also. This also tends to make people want to talk more.

Example: I just had a 2 Minute conversation with a women about why she was buying bacon at 1:21am. She was Very happy and explained to me that she was buying the bacon because she had at her home a “If” book. (For those who don’t know “If” books are books you write in to question yourself. What if I had to buy only one food? Drive one car? Live my last day knowing it was my last day? etc…) Apparently bacon was her one food.

A person will walk into my job and be 80% of the time be pleasant. They will 90% of the time be really strange but over all Pleasant. I say strange because I have had the privilege of seeing people with cow costumes coming into this place and it was December…not even close to Halloween… I have also held many conversations with those around me about Aliens, Government, Religion and well gossip that really I could careless for.

I myself am not a drinker nor do I do drugs or smoke anything. I am one of very very few people on this planet who can honestly say I haven’t ever done a drug or smoked a thing in my life. I have Drank from time to time but mostly at family events or with family members but even then that is pushing it. When I was under 21 it was more exciting and now that I am almost 28 its lost whatever feeling that was a long time ago.

With that said this job really does enforce my want and will power NEVER to do a drug or even drink for that matter. Watching the blind makes you really happy that you can see. So this is pretty much the first Note of observations I will start posting on here.. I am sure that a list of these will lead to something..