Observation 179

Not often do I come home from work with an idea of what I am going to write about. This morning I felt the need to express some thoughts. In just under 10 days from now I will be 36 years old. Already I have plans to make to trips to Coney Island. The first trip will be with my older siblings. The Second also with my older siblings but likely with more Family than that. I am looking forward to both trips.

Hopefully the weather holds up and we don’t get to much rain. Honestly even if it does rain I will likely be making the trips anyway cause the trips have a meaning to me. Something deep and something I feel I need to do. I don’t often get these feelings about my family members in truth I think I take for granted most of the time how important they are. We have always been close even with distance being an element to our relationships. I have always felt connected to my family.

This includes cousins, parents, aunts, uncles, sister in-laws, and brother in-laws… so on. While my communication with some hasn’t been the best I still feel a measure of care involved in the element of blood and perhaps elements of care just being involved with my life. The involvement part has always been the tricky part to me. Finding time to do these things becomes thoughtless and more emotionally connected to my state of mind.

I feel like I have to do things but even with that I CHOOSE to keep this stuff as apart of my life as I NEED it to be. We all choose to be who we are and with that I put a great deal of thought into how the stars a line if that makes any sense. On some levels I find it to be even a spiritual calling of events that need to take place for me.

I have always had a good vision of the path ahead of me and what my actions will or will not involve with people in my life. I have always been logical with those feelings and with that also a sense of care not so much responsibility. I don’t feel responsible for anything or anyone other than myself. I care about the people in my life and I want them to be in the parts I have been lucky enough to be born into. I have a great family and I know how lucky I am to have them.