Kainless

I had a teacher “who’s name I can’t currently remember” whom had this idea that people learned in one of three different ways. Audio, Visual and very rarely both. She would ask series of questions and depending on which way the eye would look she could tell you which way would be best to help you learn. I have come to find over the years this to be true.

Some people can remember every single detail told to them after hearing a brand new story only once. Others can read a book once and remember every single detail written. Some people are good at doing both. Personally I know I am one of the people who can read something and remember it visually. Like you can actually take me a place One time and I will remember exactly how to get back depending on the changes of that place.

I never needed a map walking around Brooklyn, NY. I was always very good at going too and from places. To this day I think I could probably still find my way back to Staten Island from Brooklyn by bus..”depending if the same buses run the same lines.”. I could “and have” walked from my parents old house in Brooklyn all the way to my sisters house in Far Rockaway. I remember Visual details of places and markers some of which are probably long long gone.

I have never been good with music lyrics. I could hear a song a thousand times and still not remember the words TILL.. only a few seconds before the beat. So like I can sing along to songs but I have to hear the rhythm for me to pick up the point to say each word. Like I can’t sing a song without something triggering that memory to come up. I was never good at remembering things being told to me. Even to this day names are hard for me to remember unless I see them or if I am forced to repeat it over and over.

In 4th grade probably the scared est I have ever been of my father was the day he asked me to spell my name and I couldn’t. Like my entire name.. The reason for this was because I had never until that day seen it written down any place constantly . Schools only required me up until that point to spell my name Alex and being in the 4th grade no one had ever asked me to spell my last name or even my middle name. Hell they don’t even give you Identification cards till High School.

He was so angry at me that he actually did shout at me and forced me to spell my name 100 times on a sheet of paper. Good thing is it worked and I can now spell my entire name NO PROBLEM..Alexander Glen Gonzalez… hehe.. Fun fact to the story is that it might actually be wrong.. lol.. but that’s another story all together. .. in truth that is my OFFICIAL LEGAL NAME ..but my dad might have issues at some point in time in the future.

Currently I keep thinking about places that I have been. Places that I feel comfortable being. I have traveled to a few places and honestly I would say 75% of them I could probably go back to and notice many of the changes. I know I could still travel around Brooklyn, West Allis, GWL, Warwick, some of Monroe,Staten Island, Queens and probably still Ocala without thinking much about how to get back to old places I have lived.

I know one of the hardest subjects for me to learn was Math. This was mostly cause it didn’t have any real visuals to it short of the same symbols over and over again but in different combinations.

12 x 3 =… 36?…”checks math….correct”…but keep in mind I only got that correct because I deal with numbers FAR MORE TODAY.. than I ever did in the 5th grade. Visually I can see things which I think also made me a really decent artist in my younger days. Today I haven’t practiced nearly as much and what art I do now is mostly coloring so I am not as good as putting lines on paper as I once was.. but I am sure if I wanted to pick it up again it wouldn’t take me long to get good at it again.

It’s funny to me how things in our brains work. I find that as I get older things stick more. I miss things more because of what I guess I have adapted to be constant is what I adapt to be correct. Like walking down Kings Highway I probably could do today but i am sure it would be a different experience. Funny how we learn and how things change over time.

Let’s flip the coin for a moment from my last post 188. Yes my life is good but how about the why? I have come to understand that growing up a person needs to accept a particular level of bullshit. Understanding that part is what I feel leads to the path of finding happiness. So what does that mean exactly… in detail?

In my life I have come to terms with many of the underline things I do. I work a job that isn’t a career but somehow I have put enough effort into it that it’s become my career. I work at night which means I need to accept the following..

Most people who I deal with are Depressed, Alcoholics, Drug abusers, strange and Lost. I have learned the art of Presentation and Representation. What the hell does that mean? Presentation works in the element of the moment. You present yourself as the type of person who listens and agrees while not really saying a single word to anything the person is actually saying. Most people just want to talk and want to see that you are listening. Nod a bit.. say.. yea.. and let the person talk and talk..and talk.. and talk..

Most of the time people think they have some Knowledge that NO BODY has ever heard. Like the world REVOLVES AROUND THAT PERSON AND THAT MOMENT!.. People look down on you if you work a job that doesn’t make as much as them OR if you are younger. I have just come to terms with most of this stuff because I have had to deal with it so much.

I have often found myself looking at people like they are Aliens. I think I have just reached that point in my life that I just don’t understand the young and the old just seem clueless to me. I am stuck in this odd middle ground that I can see what is going on and… wait.. Maybe I am the Alien!!?

Let’s see.. I work at night. I sleep maybe a good 6 hours on and off every day. I often talk to myself and on top of that I both my diet “Which is getting better” and workout habits are at best a 65 on the grade point average. Only good thing I can think of right now is that my writing is getting better also I read more than most people. Sure it’s mostly Comic books but that is still more than 88% of the people I can think of.

I do from time to time read biography’s,blogs and the odd News Article but most of that stuff is either depressing or done out of curiosity. My hope for humanity is at best at 10% these days so I put myself into moods that I just make fun of everything. Yet not in a insulting/asshole kinda way.. more playful like someone who looks for rare Pokemon cards..

Normally the first thing I would be doing after work is playing some matches of Mortal Kombat 11. However today I am trying something different. While I write this I am streaming on TWITCH.TV for the First time. I was hoping that this would spark some sort of motivation for a topic but so far it’s just me being silly on cam… and writing this.. HAAAAAAAAA To No one but that’s ok.. cause it’s 5AM EST… who the hell is going to be up right now anyway!

The past week has been a kinda interesting one in that Walmart from what I have heard is cracking down on Violent Video Game Advertisements. Yet also doing nothing about the sales of actual Weapons. Kinda funny… You can use a gun in real life but don’t you dare think about shooting Super Mario!! I also find it kinda funny that while everyone wants to make the case that violent video games are making our KIDS violent.. Those same people are ignoring the fact that the parents let them play the damn games while on the side of the box it says.. 18+!

Hell is some cases I have seen the sales people at the Video Game stores Refuse sales to parents trying to buy the video games for children far younger than the box suggested. I think that might be the bigger problem with this case. It’s a Suggestion… not Required. Really I think this entire topic is silly to begin with because Video Games, and Violent Media don’t make people Violent. It’s a combination of many outside influences that do it.

Think for a moment about how our military works. To begin with you can’t just tell people to kill. It has to be taught and in some cases the lack of compassion is a mental state of mind that could be the result of a disorder or illness. I have myself have dealt with a enough people to know the mental state of a person varies depending on so many different factors.

It could be an entire conversation on it’s own trying to figure out why we do what we do for what reason we do it. Regarding the number of times I HAVE seen this conversation come up in the 36 years I have been alive .. I find it funny that shootings happen and most people run to the hobbies not the actual influences that are taking place in the persons life. How was the person treated? Who was involved in the life of said person? Friends? Family? PETS?… I would think that someone at some point must have sat down and talked to said person?

Maybe I am wrong and this is just a topic I know NOTHING about.. but.. just some thoughts…

So I am thinking about my past again. It’s always been funny to me how people who see me at work don’t notice it’s me after work. I mean I guess it’s a look thing in that I have my hair tied back, always wearing that stupid hat, and I come off as a bit … ummm… moody?brooding?….kinda…scary… I was once told a story about how I was walking “probably to the post office” and a little boy asked his mother if I was a vampire!! LMAO!! Nah.. I suppose that’s just how I have always held myself since I was … 15..

All that black clothing, long hair and just a face that screams I am thinking too much.. yea I get it I suppose.. Don’t go scaring children as my mother would say. Honestly if I think back on it I went from a skinny No thoughts on how to match clothing, short hair kid to what I am cause it just seemed easier.

Now you would think having my siblings would have influenced me in some way on how I held myself but in truth they had NOTHING to do with it. My brother did try to get me to stop wearing the “Booty Hugers”
as he called it… but I never got it because it was just comfortable. Yes I did eventually loosen up on that but mostly that was cause my legs got so hairy that it just became uncomfortable. Plus I was very very self conscious that wearing baggier clothing just seemed the best way to hide what I looked like. The black thing was just again an easier way for me to deal with colors that still to this day I SUCK AT MATCHING.. Plus I found that if I had to wear anything to scream my own personality it should be a shirt with something I could relate too.

If I think back on what I wanted to relate too it was always hinted in the things that I enjoyed. From Castlevania to Anime like Vampire Hunter D. The influences had always been around me but I never said anything about any of this stuff cause I didn’t want people around me thinking I was strange.. Which is funny NOW because I am strange and I LOVE IT! It was just one of those parts of my brain as a teenager and young man that just felt like for lack of a better way of saying it was kinda taboo and complicated to explain. I loved these things and yet didn’t want to share any of it with anyone close to me.

It’s funny because today I could careless what anyone thinks and while I am still just a little bit more closed off with some of this stuff I am also very much still into it all. Plus at face value explaining stuff like why I enjoy listening to the music I do or watching all the horror movies I do it comes from a prospective that is soooooooooooooo uncommon to the fandom of those with similar taste. Even talking to people who liked the stuff I did I think it always felt kinda awkward because MAYBE a handful of those people actually understood the why. It was very layered but I guess that’s why it’s personality… it’s personal.. hmmm…

My thoughts are a mess of things. Both reflecting on the past and trying to see a positive future. Tomorrow will be the last day of July and with it I continue to notice time has its perception speeding up. I no longer have days that drag but come far faster than I expected.

Not enough time to get everything done but just enough to write and complain about it. How funny this life has become. I don’t worry about much anymore. Fates going to have it’s way with me no matter what.

All I know is that I love what I do and no matter what anyone judges upon me nothing matters more than that. I will always use my best thoughts to take advantage of whatever opportunities come. At this point I know what’s important to me.