sleeping on someone else’s schedule is hard and I must tip my hat to anyone who has done it or is doing it. The brain goes to places both good and bad during this change. An overwhelming feeling of dopamine mixed with thoughts of possibility for hope and destruction. Two hours shifts of sleep mixed with waking up changing diapers, feeds and of course conversations with a little girl that may or may not understand a single thing I’m saying. I must believe at the very least it influences some of her development or at least proves “yea dad is crazy!!”.
I have always lived moment to moment with an open mind to the future. Experience became important while also using fact as a guide for information. Still doing my best but also feel probably the best I have in years. It’s true and sappy to say that this change is really putting my entire heart outside of myself and really placing it all in Lilith. Of course I look forward to personal pleasures like video games, new flavors of ice cream, time with family, time with friends and naturally time with the love of my life and the gifts given.
I see this as two sides of my life. Before Lilith and now the after maybe a rebirth for myself also. With becoming this happy I also understand it makes me more dangerous than I have ever been also. Must Protect the Cinnamon rolls!!! Must be better than I ever have been while understanding and accepting my limits. I don’t make excuses for my actions hell I never have but I do think it’s probably more important now more than ever to find a guide to follow.
Meditation, focus, breathing and being 100 % honest with myself on what I need to work on has helped. It’s a new day and I have some serious work to do.