Observation 185

So I am thinking about my past again. It’s always been funny to me how people who see me at work don’t notice it’s me after work. I mean I guess it’s a look thing in that I have my hair tied back, always wearing that stupid hat, and I come off as a bit … ummm… moody?brooding?….kinda…scary… I was once told a story about how I was walking “probably to the post office” and a little boy asked his mother if I was a vampire!! LMAO!! Nah.. I suppose that’s just how I have always held myself since I was … 15..

All that black clothing, long hair and just a face that screams I am thinking too much.. yea I get it I suppose.. Don’t go scaring children as my mother would say. Honestly if I think back on it I went from a skinny No thoughts on how to match clothing, short hair kid to what I am cause it just seemed easier.

Now you would think having my siblings would have influenced me in some way on how I held myself but in truth they had NOTHING to do with it. My brother did try to get me to stop wearing the “Booty Hugers”
as he called it… but I never got it because it was just comfortable. Yes I did eventually loosen up on that but mostly that was cause my legs got so hairy that it just became uncomfortable. Plus I was very very self conscious that wearing baggier clothing just seemed the best way to hide what I looked like. The black thing was just again an easier way for me to deal with colors that still to this day I SUCK AT MATCHING.. Plus I found that if I had to wear anything to scream my own personality it should be a shirt with something I could relate too.

If I think back on what I wanted to relate too it was always hinted in the things that I enjoyed. From Castlevania to Anime like Vampire Hunter D. The influences had always been around me but I never said anything about any of this stuff cause I didn’t want people around me thinking I was strange.. Which is funny NOW because I am strange and I LOVE IT! It was just one of those parts of my brain as a teenager and young man that just felt like for lack of a better way of saying it was kinda taboo and complicated to explain. I loved these things and yet didn’t want to share any of it with anyone close to me.

It’s funny because today I could careless what anyone thinks and while I am still just a little bit more closed off with some of this stuff I am also very much still into it all. Plus at face value explaining stuff like why I enjoy listening to the music I do or watching all the horror movies I do it comes from a prospective that is soooooooooooooo uncommon to the fandom of those with similar taste. Even talking to people who liked the stuff I did I think it always felt kinda awkward because MAYBE a handful of those people actually understood the why. It was very layered but I guess that’s why it’s personality… it’s personal.. hmmm…

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