Observation 204

The mind is a funny thing to me. Personally I am always overthinking everything I do. So when it comes to something I DON’T want to do that I know I NEED to do my mind almost always takes a turn for the worst! I don’t really know what it is about thinking over the worst possibilities of things but I have as far as I can remember always been the one to do that.

It’s helped in some cases because 9 out of 10 times I prepare for the worst so in the case that the best thing happens I often am happily surprised. Recently “Today” I FINALLY gave my blood for the check up test that I really needed to get done.. “IT WAS OVER DUE BY 5 YEARS!!”….but what I FIND funny about myself is that in the weeks before the test I had this feeling in my stomach of total fear of concept. Not so much the blood test but the idea that I might pass out and how horrible I would feel after it all.

I pretty sure it was 99% fear of not wanting to feel great. Currently not even an hour after it’s done.. I feel AMAZING!! I mean yes I have to wait for the test results now but even for the sake of lets say something is wrong just the fact that I KNOW the why makes me overwhelmed with strength. I understand my body that much better now and my mind can be put at rest for all time on the concept of not knowing THE WHY!!?

For weeks the why was.. WHY THE HELL DID I ALMOST FAINT TWICE!!!? So as people do these days I googled the problem. Why do I faint while giving blood? The answers came as pure logic.

LACK OF SLEEP, LACK OF WATER, LACK OF FOOD!!

So I spent the last few weeks just keeping to a routine of drinking enough water, getting about as much sleep as I could and of course eating the right stuff for TODAY. Went with my mother “WHO IS THE BEST ON EARTH!” got it done in less than an hour and now here I am typing this nonsense out…

Of course I knew the feeling of completion would be the best “Which it is!”. It feels like I solved a really hard puzzle or finished something that took me weeks to figure out. No greater High!…to my knowledge.. but what I find the most interesting is that state of mind before all this. Why does my mind work the way it does? Why do I think the way I do? What the hell was it all about?

I think the biggest answer to all of it was the concept that I didn’t know. I feared because I wasn’t sure of the answer. In this life I am so sure of so many things but having something out of my control that I wasn’t sure of was really twisting my mind into a very strange place. It really makes me want to push myself to take risks. Not like..anything dangerous.. but to work into new ideas.. New Concepts.. perhaps see what the worst case senior could be…but without putting myself into danger.. Like how far can I push my body? Working out… how far can I run!!? How much weight can I actually lift “SAFELY”…. what are my limits?? How many Books can I read in the span of a year.. a month.. a week!!… So many things… so many things..

Observation 203

The older I get the more I become aware of the things can not do anymore. Working nights for 10 + years takes it’s tolls. Humans aren’t naturally nocturnal so I have had to change a few things in diet and how I treat myself.

Human maintained mind set both physically and spiritually. Depression sets in easy cause a chemical lack of vitamin D. So I started taking fish oil to maintain my heart and cholesterol. Also not bad for muscle pain. Ginko biloba for memory and a probiotic to keep it all clean. I keep trying to set myself up with a workout routine but my ability to keep to it is less than motivated.

I rarely go to the gym but have a exercise bike and some weights at home that help also. It’s funny cause while living in Brooklyn I rode my bike all over and never noticed the benefits. Living here I walk more but it’s not nearly the same.

The processes of aging becomes a topic I think about more and more. Time goes faster the older I get or at least the prospective of it. I have for the first time in awhile a blank state on things around me. I am finding myself surprised but what’s happening or happened.

Yet I still feel only slightly older mentally. All the things I loved are still all the things I love now. Music, comics, television and even my faith all remain the same. I wonder if that will change.