Observation 169

Today is my 35th birthday and naturally a few things are going on in my mind. Of course I am thinking about the future and the past. The place I am currently at is without question a high point. I have my job which I am doing very well with. My own place, my family which I love, a girlfriend who couldn’t be better if she tried and everything is at my finger tips. I compromise nothing these days.

Everything changes and I truly believe that the power of thought has a very big affect on everything we color our world with. A well placed plan and always reviewing the possibilities both good and bad make things work for the unexpected. I have always been good at doing that.. knowing the unexpected and putting it in it’s proper box. Perhaps natural instinct or experience has made this a thing for me but I can’t think of a time in my life that I wasn’t good at reading it. At times I thought it perhaps a super power I have?

Not everyone can do it. Read into the moment and have a great idea on what will happen.  I have a plan and the possibilities are endless but I guess the real question that comes with every birthday is how long? I can hope for another 35 years but isn’t it true with every day live like it’s your last? If it all ended today I would say without question I have had a great life. I want more of course and I don’t know of many people who can say that much!

I look forward to the future and just keep my faith high as well as my hopes.

An Introduction to something “Observation 168”

You’re born into this world with 3 musts. You must breath or die, you must feed or die, and last but not least you must sleep or die. Everything after the musts are decisions you make. Decisions that hold a center meter level of comfort or discomfort.

I say center meter because should I paint a picture of anything with this writing it is that of a meter with one side labeled comfortable and one uncomfortable. Perhaps to make it interesting one side is black with a fade to white with of course the center being gray.

Not Wrong or Right but comfortable and uncomfortable because I don’t agree with wrong or right just yet. Hell you are born not knowing ANYTHING but the feeling of comfortable and uncomfortable and I believe that is how this entire thing gets Complicated.

Life is from day one a series of events and sensations thrown into a point of view. If I was born into a room with cold air all around me chances are the feeling of hot air would change by sensation. The interpretation of just that concept alone sends millions of new ideas to the mind. Do I like cold air more or hot? Can breathing be comfortable?

I for one am a person who was born with the very idea of breathing alone was an effort. I simply couldn’t do it because I wasn’t ready to do it. So with some outside assistance,medication, and perhaps a level of stubborn willpower I managed to work on it. Imagine that thought for a moment. Born not even 5 seconds out of my mother and already work to be done.

What is work exactly? Can something so simple like breathing be work? Well the way I like to think it is effort = work. We are born into effort and discomfort so we work to make it comfortable. Once we are comfortable we are calm and we try to find bliss in that.

Bliss being the goal and drive for everything we do. Some of us take for granted just how simple that is. Really think about what the hell does a baby really want? It knows nothing and doesn’t speak for itself yet it has sensations and feelings that allow it to know what is comfortable and what isn’t.

Personally I believe that is the spot everything we say and do comes from. You are who you are because you can do what you can in a comfortable manor. Think about what we do for work and what we try to define as the right way of doing things and the wrong. Hell let’s make it simple and start with rule number one.

LIFE IS SACRED AND THE FIRST THING EVERY GOD CREATES THAT MATTERS. It’s why we are here…it’s existence. Now I won’t get religions but the point is we can all agree that If I am here and You are here that moving past here is not only inevitable but it must come on it’s own. After all present is all that matters now and future is all that will matter later.

CONFUSING AND COMPLICATED I KNOW!! WHAT THE HELL AM I REALLY TALKING ABOUT HERE? Stress.. dealing with it.. and an introduction to something..

I want to explain that lots of people seem to have this really strange concept of what is important in life. Some people even go as far as to say THIS MUST BE and THIS CAN’T BE. I want to start this by saying YOU DON’T GET TO SAY WHAT MUST BE EVER. You started this life the same exact way everyone else did. With the three MUSTS.


Everything else that you do is a decision based on how comfortable you want to be, Which in some forms has already been predetermined before birth/existence on a genetic and physical level. A person can not will themselves to be something entirely different without the concept of what that difference is first.

I can not want to be a man until I understand what a man is. Same can be said about Women. What is a man? What is a Woman? Concepts and ideas based on rules and thoughts that as a function only come to terms based on levels of comfort.

For example if I say a man is someone with a Penis who works 40 hours a week, loves his family, and supports himself. That becomes the definition of a set of rules made by an internal thought only to myself. The reflection of on society becomes the interpretation of comfortable and uncomfortable.

You might agree making that statement comfortable with you or you might disagree and want to sway from the discomfort in turn from a natural course try to make it MORE comfortable with YOU…NOT… me.. This is how the arguments start. Arguments which can in it’s most negative form lead to heightened states of tension, stress and even violence.

So let’s go into that because with those three you have an array of emotions that all have counter sides like comfortable and uncomfortable. If you are comfortable you are in a solid state of balance. Nothing is good and nothing is bad. You simply are and that is an impossible feeling to have considering you have sensation always attacking you.

Let’s say we remove sensation.. can it even be done? Even if you floated in a room with zero gravity and absolutely nothing happening the human body creates sensation for you. You hear the heart beat, the air enter your body, perhaps your stomach growl from the lack of food. The bones shift, decay and the hair on your head moves with the motion of a body that simply can’t stand still. Stillness perhaps also impossible to achieve in a living body.

Isolate the body and strange things start to happen. The mind goes into places it likely wouldn’t normally. Sensation again something that happens but is not A MUST in life. Nerves which provide sensation can be cut and have in some cases stopped.  Again.. a complication.

Observation 167

I have been working with the public since I believe it was two months after I graduated High School. My experience with work has always been based on routine. I learned that routine works for me “Even today” to be the best way to be progressive with it all. I was raised on the concept that if you work you deserve what you put into it.

My method for getting to the place I am at right now was simple. Always be available, Always follow the rules, Always say Yes if asked to do more work.  Now I knew that was going to be unfair to me because not everyone agrees with it. With experience I learned just because I do something doesn’t mean anyone has to do it the same way.

So pushing myself was always a selfish emotional battle for me.  Why push if no one is going to push with you? Why fight something that you know you will get no help with? I think that has always been the way I think and the only answer to both questions I could come up with was because I could do it. I know my abilities to push past what people expect of me “Even Today” are always going to turn out better.

If I say I can work for 8 hours and at the last hour someone says can you do another 8 hours I will say yes. While I will always find away to make it work I also maintain that perhaps pride for my own work ethic. Mentally it’s a battle because knowing I have no back up is the way I understand it.

However the standard for most jobs is to say YES we will help you if you need it but we just say that. We will say you can have this that and the other but don’t really expect it. This really does bring me to people.

People are selfish and that is just the nature of the beast. I don’t know if age has anything to do with that. Some of it I feel is personality working it’s structure around work ethic. I am not 100% sure how I feel about it but I know that thru experience it will never be fair.

Observation 166

The older I get the more I come to terms with the concept of time. I recall being 14 and sitting in a class room, Which I was supposed to be learning math but couldn’t for the life of me focus on anything other than HOW SLOWWWWWWW…TIME….WAS…Going…

Yet I look at my days now and I feel time moving fast. Hell I blinked it was February now I blink again and we are in April. The older I get the faster it goes and it makes for a very clear understanding of what IS important and what Isn’t.

It helps put me into a state of mind to make sure I am happy, healthy….ish, and over all in a positive state of mind. I find it sort of funny because in a day I notice so many negative points. Spending money…NEGATIVE…making money… POSITIVE.. sitting around…negative… going food shopping…Positive.. I think you get the point.


Observation 165

So I have spent the last week on vacation. It was the first time in over a year that I sat around my new apartment and did nothing BUT…

Catch up on reading comics, Play some Video games with the girlfriend, watched a couple of movies, Read Ready Player One for the Fourth Time.. and took a couple of baths because I love having a bathtub..

Now today is only Sunday and I still have all of tomorrow off and of course I am still spending a great of my time reading comics.. still have a big list to go over..

(Currently still reading)

(Half is what I managed to read during the week)

So far I feel the most REVITALIZED “If that’s a word”, I have felt in along time. So that pretty much Highlights my current state of mind. I am feeling very creative again and hopefully this will translate into Maybe be doing some artwork “which I haven’t done in years”.. Without question some more writing “Duh you are reading it now”… and a better state of mind for work.

Despite what I do for a living I am not really much of a people person. I am very good at my job but again..it’s a job and really I think far to many people think my personality is reflected by it. IT’S NOT! I get paid to be the person I am at work and the person I am outside of work I can say without question is far more reflective than I am allowed to be. That’s not to say I am not a charming person all around but I do feel like it takes a great deal of mental exercise to get past even little things.

Regardless it’s good and I feel better because of it. Currently I am thinking about Spring which is right around the corner. Work will start to pick up as it does after the Winter. I am thinking a great deal about what I want to push more in terms of work and over all relationships with family and friends. I feel like I really need to get back into the gym to pick up my energy. Lots of things I WANT to get going on as soon as .. TOMORROW.. Over all my state of mind is simple.

Observation being.. People need time to themselves. Need time to reboot and assess life. I feel like not enough people get the chance to do that. Weekends are nice or days off for that matter but needing time to really get to WHAT YOU WANT.. is important. I have done that.. some of you should think about doing it.. and that is what I am currently about to do now.. RESTART..

Observation 164

I am a big fan of Horror both in film and novels. I am also a big fan of Video games like Doom, Mortal Kombat, God of War, Hatred, etc.. More Recently “since about 2007 very little dabbling before that” I have even started to collect comic books. I can also say WITHOUT QUESTION I am the least violent person you will ever meet.

My General demeanor around people is often very chill as a matter fact. I love conversation and I am a very welcoming person to talk with. My taste into violent and morbid things really has NOTHING to do with my actions towards people and more to do with the why.  I have always been the type of person who looks scary but upon talking to me you learn very quickly I am a giant Jiggly puff!

Now I bring all this up because I grew up during the 90’s and that was a time of great debate on Media. All things I enjoy became this hub for how or can it effect ME as a growing young person. Would all that violence turn me into a violent person? Truth be told I grew up in Brooklyn, NY and I have always managed to avoid violence. If I am being really truthful with myself I probably feel more violent towards adults my age now than I ever felt as a young person but I can tell you that is because I don’t understand how adults MY AGE.. think as oppose to anything violent I watched ” I have yet to kill anyone or hurt anyone with violence still” .

As a matter a fact I will go even further with that and say as a person who has been put into many situations I COULDN’T GRASP or Understand. I do believe that playing a few rounds of Doom probably kept me from pulling my own hair out.  Why? The escape and my own grasp on reality is the answer. I have always known that we have two very different types of actions in life. The enjoyment of FICTION and the actions of REALITY are different things. APPLES…AND ORANGES.. both food.. but not the same..

Again I surround myself with this morbid stuff. Have I ever in the past hurt myself or anyone? That is a big 100% NO. Hell do I even have a grasp on real violence in the world? The best answer I can give to that is that ONCE I went shooting with my brother “at a shooting range” and even after all the times I fired a weapon in a video game I can say shooting a weapon in real life.. VERY VERY VERY DIFFERENT! NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SAME!

It’s sort of like saying I built a house in the sims so I can build a house in REAL LIFE.. YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR SKULL TO THINK THAT TRUE! The fact that we are ONCE AGAIN .. in 2018 going to get back into this debate is insane. I would also like to be very clear about something while on the topic of weapons.

I DO believe people should be allowed to own whatever you want. Be it a home full of weapons, cats, dogs, dildos…Whatever! If you are in the UNITED STATE OF AMERICA you have the freedom to do that.  However I think if you are saying you are following the 2nd amendment as an excuse for WHY you have that weapon. YOU ARE DELUSIONAL and here is why.

If you really believe that owning a machine gun, or let’s REALLY PUSH IT..  A rocket launcher.. or lets say the town you live in has every home FULL of GUNS from block to block. You are Delusional to think that you can stop the united state Government from taking that stuff away from you. We are talking about the United State Government here.. The Police, Fire Department, Military and whatever number of branches below that.  If you seriously think you could stop all of that with the 100 guns you have..

Billions of dollars are given to support our troops. Billions in research on making bigger better ways of making it work and you seriously think that having a gun will stop all that? I have a unicorn in my kitchen right now that can take you on a ride if you want to believe it. People need to get a grip on themselves.

Now that again isn’t to say you shouldn’t own a gun. YOU SHOULD.. Protect yourself from Crime. Good on you but do not think for a second that you can ever hold the 2nd amendment up and say my four fathers wanted me to protect myself from Government because that idea has been lost a long time ago once we started organized groups that Government gets paid for BY YOU to deal with.

This all hurts my head to think about…puff

Observation 163

So a great deal has happened in the last two weeks that really I probably should explain. First off I wasn’t 100% sure I was moving till 2 weeks ago. I didn’t post anything or say anything to anyone about it because I simply don’t do that sort of thing unless I am 100%. I only signed the lease and what not last week so everything happened quickly. I have been working my ass off and short of packing everything it’s been hectic.

I had taxes to think about which are done, moving, work, and currently thinking about this site which has now become very SIMPLE… and easy to understand I can say with a full heart I am happy with everything. I will also note that the weather hasn’t made anything easy. Everything is covered in ICE Right now.. For a guy who walks all over the place it is good and it sucks at the same time.

So having a calm mind to write is only now becoming a thing.  With the move and the start of the new year I have been thinking about the future. I think it’s something I normally start doing in November of every year. This year in particular some lights have been turned on in my mind which will require big steps. Life changing steps perhaps and I think I am finally in a place to make most of it all happen.

As a person who over thinks naturally thoughts like this come and go but I feel like since I am about to be 35 this year and they say your life changes every 7 years..

7..14..21..28..35… I do believe that a great many things should happen.  I won’t say I am pushing for anything but I will say that concepts in my head are being designed. Perhaps lots of brainstorming… thoughts…. we will see how it all goes!

Observation 162

Recently I have come to some interesting conclusions/Observations about my life. Currently at only the young age of 34 I am starting to notice a few things are happening that I either NEVER noticed.. or just didn’t observe.

From a very real human look at myself in the mirror I can see for the first time signs of aging. Now I am sure that statement alone raises some questions on WHAT… you never noticed that? Of course I noticed it before but NOW as opposed to before I notice things happening on the older state of my life. Gray hair, Wrinkles, can’t eat this…can’t eat that.. Little things that show a lack of youth and perhaps a bit of break down as aging does.

Now by no means do I believe I am old. Hell I’ll be 80 and I won’t believe I am old but I do notice that things I could get away before I can’t now. I could at the age of 17 eat 3 gallons of Ice cream a day and not gain weight.. Today I look at Ice cream and add 5 pounds.  I notice my moods are far better today as opposed to 17 but that doesn’t come without the fact that I do DWELL on things more now. Which means I have to make a conscious decision to raise my moods.

Now I have always been good at keeping myself in those spaces. I surround myself with good. My girlfriend, my family, my friends and my heart is always in the right place. I do my best at everything and I never once have ever put myself into a position that I didn’t control or overthink. It’s simply always been my nature.

Yet with coming back to aging I notice that if I don’t workout or if I don’t stay active for long periods of time it does effect my mood in a negative state. So I go to the gym.. Not as much as I would like but I go to raise my mood and I go to try to maintain my health which at this point I can honestly say I am as healthy as I can be.

My state of mind on everything is always about Progress. I have done well at work, tried my best to keep relationships even, and for the most part have very little to complain about. During the winter I sleep more just like everyone but I also fight the good fight with the punches as they approach.

I look forward to the future and at this point I know great changes are coming. Dusk.. and it’s embrace!

Observation 161

You know that part of the film that shows the monsters have been destroyed and all is at peace for a small time. That’s what right now feels like. This has been a battle and while it’s not even close to over I do finally feel some hope because one year is done.one year that I feel people have started to look around and see what actions mean something.

We far from over but I feel like people are paying attention to the things that do require attention. Human nature is to benefit only the one which is a selfish need. If eyes are open we think as a group. The result is more constructive and the truth shinnes with fact checks.

Alittle hope goes a longer way around…

Observation 160

I am not even sure how to start this. My mind right now is focused on Education. The Class room more specifically in terms of how it works.  You take an average size of 15 – 25 students, put them in a room and ask some questions about a specific topic. The focus of the room should be rotated around FACTS and Theory.

It requires detailed reason for the main question of WHY? Why is the sky blue? What are we made of? How do you pronounce this? Again…all the FACTS. Explanations for questions that WILL and or CAN come up during the experience of life.

Now my real question here is why a common sense class doesn’t come into the planning of any persons life? I mean teaching people basic things I feel would help benefit everyone. What do I think people should know?

*Organization – being able to deal with one problem at a time in an organized and Prioritized way. Example.. To get a job you need to take the following steps.. A. Have a Resume B. Present yourself well C. Be on time D. Understand what you are signing up for.

Again…basic stuff.

*Basic Survival – How to make basic food, “Cereal, Eggs, Canned Soup, sandwiches” How to use a Gas Pump, How Credit Cards and Currency works, Basic Hygiene, Methods on dealing with Stress, Bills and Taxes “not so much economy but basic stuff like paying Rent, water/electric bills how to sign a check and understanding what is being paid for.”

*How to hold a conversation – Now this ranges in a few different ways but a person should be capable to walk out of school and at the very least BE SMART ENOUGH TO ORDER SOMETHING FROM A FAST FOOD CHAIN WITHOUT HOLDING UP A LINE.

*BASIC LAW – I see this come up a great deal in just every day living. Google is not A FRIEND of TRUE FACT AND WRITTEN LAW. Lots of bullshit out and about and I feel people NEED TO READ THE ACTUAL DOCUMENTS on it.. at the very basic level of .. DON’T STEAL SHIT, DON’T HIT PEOPLE, AND DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE …hehe

Health and Education is an odd thing because some places get it right. While others miss entire large sections of what is true and isn’t. TRUE = FACT = PROVEN TO BE UNDENIABLE…without the shadow of a doubt… again…


Maybe it’s just me